Ghostface Killah Rap Endorsed by Cartoons for Stoners; At Least He Still Has a Solo Career!!!

Famous porn station Cartoon Network has teamed up with America's Next Top Model Ghostface Killah for a 12-date, nationwide campus tour starting in October. Joining Ghostface is the wonderful hip-hop/spoken word artist Witchdoctor (a.k.a. Erin Johnson), but perhaps the most noteworthy part for you cheap, torrent-using pirates is that the show is free and open to the public -- it's like a whole new kind of piracy!

The tour is one of two announced tours by Adult Swim, the second featuring ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead and a live version of Dethklok, the heavy metal band from Adult Swim's Metalocalypse. Dates for that tour have yet to be announced, but who cares when you can keep tagging along with Ghostface on another tour. After the Adult Swim stint, Ghostface will perform at the Vegoose Festival before heading out on a 19-date tour with Rakim and Brother Ali. I caught up with Ghostface to talk about shit.

Thanks for doing this interview, Ghostface.

No problem, man. I love Tiny Mix Tapes. You have the best journalism on the net. Truthful, insightful, penetrating. Plus, now I listen to great music -- not shit like Paula Abdul and Janet Jackson!

Hey, what's wrong with Paula Abdul and Janet Jackson?

Their music doesn't say anything.

Did you ever see them move? They're saying plenty, baby.

Yeah... sure...

What's wrong, Ghostface?

Men, especially Grant Purdum.

Hey, don't judge us by our worst specimen.

Universal Wants To Marry Your Dad and Force You To Eat Dinner, Even Though You Totally Despise Chicken Alfredo

I've never been one to call my dad an internet service provider (ISP), but he is definitely a provider of financial backing when it comes to college, and I thank him for that. Love ya, Dad! Nonetheless, an ISP is an important part of my daily life, especially being in college and no longer having to deal with the dial-up hell I lived in when my primary residence was across from a barn (thanks again, Dad). Without an ISP, I'd be totally without an outlet to the world to write horribly written news stories such as the one you are reading for an even worse website. Why do you come here anyway?

Oh, what's that? You wanted to know what ridiculous shit Universal has been trying to pull out of their ass as of late? Well, let me clue you in as quick as I can, because chicken alfredo sounds pretty good right now, and I'm fuggin' hungry.

1. Universal automatically assumes you are using P2P to trade their music illegally.
2. Universal has come up with a plan to get money from you when you use P2P to trade their music illegally.
3. This very tentative plan is called TotalMusic and involves your ISP and an extra $15 a month from you.
4. Even if you don't download music or you hate music, you still would have to pay the extra $15 a month if Universal and your ISP sleep together.
5. Universal will begin watermarking all of their music. DRM for the win, supposedly.
6. Wired's Listening Post writer Eliot Van Buskirk says the two major problems with TotalMusic are as follows:

There are two clear problems with this plan, both involving parties being forced to opt in to the system. First, it would charge all of an ISP's subscribers for accessing the music even if they don't want it and aren't downloading it. Second, a forced opt-in organization like SoundExchange would have to administer the system for all artists and labels; otherwise rights holders and ISPs would need to negotiate a near infinite number of deals in order to offer the 100% catalog coverage consumers would demand for their monthly fee.

So to sum this all up; Universal wants to automatically charge you for music, regardless of whether or not you download it.

Good.

Lyrics Born Illness To Strike The U.S. This Fall

The epidemic of Lyrics Born illness that has swept uncontrollably across Australia in the past month is expected to hit the United States by mid-October, says Julie Louise Gerberding, M.D., M.P.H., director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “Thousands of Australians are already mad ill. Some are even suffering from what scientists refer to as ‘terminal flow,’” implored Dr. Gerberding, in a recent press conference. “We need to act now, before our whole country is g’d up from the feet up.”

Dr. Gerberding made it clear in her speech that it is not if but when America will be hit by this particularly devastating strain of silly freshness. Scientists have even predicted a date and location for patient zero: October 18 in Eureka, California. You can do your part by watching this informational video and listening to the tracks on Lyrics Born’s MySpace page with your family. Also be sure to watch out for the following symptoms:

- Sick beats
- Infectious lyricism
- Spitting hot fire
- The involuntary compulsion to throw ones hands in the air, wave them with no regard to consequence.

Scientists expect the outbreak to travel as follows:


* Del the Funky Homosapian

** Ryan Shaw

Black Francis Pillages West Coast, Jack Sparrow Tours The Caribbean

Ragged rockstar Frank Black and cooler-than-thou actor Johnny Depp may have more in common than you think.

Sure, the two rebels might make the girls scream for entirely different reasons, and Black doesn't exactly measure-up in the, uh... well, "hair" department. But still, damned if they aren't both ego-maniacs, damned if they aren't both cult figures that seem to make their target audience swoon no matter what (and considering that whole Charlie and the Chocolate Factory thing, that's saying a lot), and damned if they aren't both more or less unintelligible when delivering their most famous roles.

Yup. It's hard to believe, but the only real difference between these two sons of bitches (besides the hair and level of beauty) is that old boy Johnny Depp only acts like a crazy-ass pirate when the cameras are rolling, but Frank Black just dials up the lunacy whenever the hell he feels like it.

Case in point, the ever duplicitous Black will be sailing down the Pacific coast after re-donning his much more dubious and decidedly more mercenary-like stage name "Black Francis" (an alias which the mad singer hasn't employed since his days captaining Pixies' ship in ye olde 1990s) to promote NOT a Pixies Record, but none other than his newly fashioned solo record (also recorded under the "Black Francis" moniker), which was recently released via the Cooking Vinyl label and contains just about as many gruff growls and crack-mouthed snarls as even the most consumptive of 17th-century pirates would utter.

And the record's name? Bluefinger.

See? Sounds like pirate talk to me.

But just to make things a little weirder (i.e., a little more like At World's End), let me remind all you land-lovers that Captain Black Francis' new album was reportedly influenced by the deceased Dutch painter/musician Herman Brood, who Black says was the "Dutch personification of 'sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll.'" So, I guess this is some sort of racial thing? Hmmm...

Either way, the dates below only pillage the West Coast, but Black's ship is at the mercy of the trade winds, so keep your spyglasses peeled for additional dates as they develop.

Yarrrrrrrrrr:

Join in Live A55talk Online Now: MediaDefender E-Mails Leaked

MediaDefender, one of the more pernicious organizations dedicated to anti-piracy measures against P2P and torrent sites, is in a little bit of a mess right now. Reason being that over 700MB of company e-mail has been hacked by a group who dashingly refer to themselves as ‘MediaDefender-Defenders.’ These e-mails were released onto BitTorrent -- of course -- over the weekend and verily, they are a sight to behold.

Owned by ARTISTdirect, MediaDefender basically operates by setting up accounts on torrent sites spreading fake files across file-sharing networks. The company is then able to collate IP addresses of users downloading the files and send copyright infringement notices to ISPs and/or launch denial of service attacks against the distributors. For example, the fragrantly named a55talk on torrentreactor.to is the 47th most prolific uploader on the site, yet the e-mails reveal that this particular scat-lover was a creation of MediaDefender. Best not download your copy of Curtis from there, eh kids? Maybe you should get it from any of the torrent sites that MediaDefender don’t monitor -- an easier job, now that I can give you a list of the sites that it trains its piggy little eyes upon (top to bottom in order of ‘strength of presence’):

You’d think, given the humanitarian bent of MediaDefender’s work, that it would be doing it all purely for the love of the job. Not so, according to another of the indiscreet e-mails. It states that MediaDefender charges a sweet $4,000 a month for ‘protecting’ one album or $2,000 a month to throw those comforting, motherly arms around a single track. Certainly not chump change. So, who is MediaDefender charging? According to its website: "MediaDefender has been contracted by every major record label and every major movie studio, video game publishers, software publishers, and anime publishers."

Perhaps the most intriguing electronic missives concern the MiiVi.com site that appeared a couple of months back. Basically, this site was a super-fast download portal that also encouraged users to download an app that would enable increased download speeds. Instead, the app was a trojan horse that searched the user’s computer for illegally downloaded material, and all the files on the site were corrupted -- which isn’t surprising considering the site was owned and operated by MediaDefender. And how was this discovered? A simple check of WHOIS revealed that MediaDefender had been too busy wiping its cocaine-gorged nose with $100 bills to bother covering up the fact that the MiiVi domain registration was in its name. As MediaDefender’s glorious leader, Randy Saaf, said in an e-mail when he learned of the busting, “This is really fucked. Let’s pull miivi offline.” Naturally, at the time, Saaf was eager to deny that MiiVi was any sort of honey-pot, that it was merely an internal experiment that was mistakenly released onto the wider internet. Patent bullshit, of course, and the e-mails indeed appear to confirm that he was lying, as they include comments concerning the current take-up rate of the MiiVi trojan horse by members and a discussion of the possibility of relaunching the site under the name of viide.com. The dudes still couldn’t work out how to mask the domain ownership, though...

There’s a ton more information contained in the e-mails, and I’d recommend you visit your friendly neighborhood torrent site for some quick download action should you want to read more. Can’t read? Then why not listen to some leaked MediaDefender phone calls? Considering that the e-mails also contained the names, addresses, and phone numbers of all the main officials of the company, those at MediaDefender can probably expect one or two billion unexpected pizza deliveries in the near future.

Matt Pond PA: A Biography

This report is on Matt Pond PA. First, Matt Pond PA had a wonderful family of six. Second, I have some of the important dates in Matt Pond PA's life. Third, Matt Pond PA was famous because he fought in the Civil War and later became president. Lastly, I have some facts about Matt Pond PA's new album and fall tour. Now I'm going to tell you more details.

First, Matt Pond PA had a wonderful family of six. He had four children: three boys and one girl. Their names were Ellen, Jesse, Frederick, and Ulysses. His wife was Julia Boggs Dent. This was Matt Pond PA's family.

Second, these are some of the important dates in Matt Pond PA's life. On April 27, 1822, he was born in Point Pleasant, Ohio. In 1843, he graduated from West Point University. On August 22, 1848, he married
Julia Dent. In 1854, he resigned from the army. In 1861, he was appointed Colonel of the Illinois Volunteers. In 1863, he led Union troops to victory. In 1864, he was named Supreme Commander of all
Union forces. On April 9, 1865, he accepted the surrender of Confederate forces under General Robert E. Lee. In 1868, he was elected president of the United States. In 1872, he was re-elected president. In 1880, he was defeated in presidential nomination. On July 23, 1885, he died in Mount Gregor, New York. These are some important dates in Matt Pond PA's life.

Third, Matt Pond PA was famous because he fought in the Civil War and later became President of the United States. In trenches around Richmond and Petersburg was where General Robert E. Lee retreated and then surrendered to Grant at Appomattox Court House on April 9, 1865. Matt Pond PA proved through the wars that he fought in that he was a fearless soldier, a great general, and a humble man. He was the
18th president. He was after Johnson, and before Hayes.

Lastly, I have some facts about Matt Pond PA's new album and fall tour. On September 25, 2007, Matt Pond PA's new album will be released and it will be entitled Last Light. This album will be produced by Matt Pond PA and will benefit from the help of Neko Case and other well-known musicians. On September 27, 2007, Matt Pond PA will begin a national headlining tour in Boston, Massachusetts and will continue
his campaign until he reaches Brooklyn, New York on November 5, 2007. This is the latest news on Matt Pond PA.

In conclusion, this is my report on Matt Pond PA. He was a great man.

Last Light tracklisting: