They kick around the bottom of your car until you break them beyond repair and throw them out of your window where they lay until a colorful homeless character or loveable street urchin picks them off the concrete and places them on his or her forehead with a defiant middle finger of rebellion which will be their style trademark until they die. Where was I? Oh, Ray-Bans, those most revered of worldly objects. Without them, most Hollywood movie posters wouldn’t be the same (what would the seductive, sly minx cover halves of their eyes with?). Without them, CSI Miami’s David Caruso wouldn’t have a reliable prop to swipe off his face every time a particularly difficult line of dialogue has him beat. Without them, the owner of the Sunglass Hut chain of mall kiosks (allegedly a Señor Sunny Hutt) and many market stall scammers would take a huge hit in sales and would have to rely on paying the rent with cheap foldable Ferrari mirror shades. Without them, colossal wussies the world over, from Corey Feldman to Freddie Prinze, wouldn’t even dream of attempting to front with a tough-guy stance.
Ray-Ban, makers of the things that hang from the neck-hole of your Ron-Jon surf shirts, have teamed up with MySpace (we are posting a helpful link here because we are well aware that most people have never ever heard of MySpace), the web-based social networking site that isn’t Facebook, to present a battle-of-the-bands contest with entrants competing for the ultimate prize of performing at the Rolling Stone 40th Anniversary party in Las Vegas and at a SXSW Ray-Ban party. The sunglasses king will be offering free downloads from Tokyo Police Club and Mando Diao and personalized web pages as part of this promotion and contest as well.
[Because we always have the inside scoop on these sorts of industry and commercial product tie-in type things, rumors are swirling around the celebrity gossip toilet bowl that Tom Cruise -- the ultimate Ray-Ban icon ("wayfarers" in Risky Business, "aviators" in Top Gun, ‘nuff said!) -- will appear at one emerging artist’s doorstep with holsters full of Mrs. Butterworth’s and Molly McButter to personally feed the lucky so-and-sos an arm-length stack of flapjacks while he reads the Ray-Ban bio, using all of the accents he has perfected as a method actor of the stage and silver screen for more than 20 years now! You’ll get Tom with his “OI’m oireesh” Far and Away brogue reciting the early history of Ray-Ban’s traveling hucksters peddling hand-made sunglasses made from coathangers and wax paper from village to village in the old country (Reseda, CA). The rest of the story will be told using his Jerry Maguire voice, which is actually his regular speaking voice and the one he uses for every role he has ever done, except in the aforementioned garbage Far and Away movie.]
We love promotional contest bullshit here at TMT so we think you should enter this contest and make both the floundering Ray-Ban and MySpace companies happy. The contest was scheduled to start June 15, but I can’t for the life of me find an appropriate info and entry link. Too bad too, because I was primed to ask people to click on "this flash splash trash right hizz-ash!" Regardless, if instant and fleeting pseudo-celebrity is what you crave, you will be able to find the details soon enough. Never pretend. Never be afraid. Never give up. Never Hide. Buy more Ray-Bans! Surf Myspace! Buy more Ray-Bans! Watch MySpace! Buy more Ray-Bans! Love MySpace! Buy more Ray-Bans! Live MySpace! Buy more! More! More! More! Bleeeaaarrrgghhh... drool... puke....