God Only Knows What We’d Do Without This Brian Wilson Doll (editor’s note: you’re fired)

Just in time for Christmas is the perfect gift for sandbox-slumming, wannabe firemen/fire women everywhere... the 1966 Brian Wilson action figure is finally here! Gone are the days when you had to sit, get stoned, and MacGyver a makeshift toy Wilson out of a potato, steel wool, and the power cable from a nearby lamp when you wanted to play rock-star dolls with your friends. You'll be able to bend him into a fetal position, spritz him with water, and sit him on top of your girlfriend's vibrator to simulate the shaking, sweating, neurotic Brian of days gone by. You can channel your aggressions into Brian by making him lose his marbles over the 42nd take of "Wind Chimes," fret over Phil Spector stealing songs from his mind, and generally refuse to record unless the vibes are positive. Really, is there anything this Brian Wilson doll can't do? (Answer: it probably won't get you laid.)

Okay, as far as recent patents go, it's not the most original (this is), but as doll designer (wha?) Mark London rightly states, "Hey, who wouldn't want a little 1966 Brian Wilson watching over their record collection or their recording studio?!" Duh. Everyone loves Brian Wilson, so expect these to sell like little deuce coupes. There is a limited run of 300 dolls that come autographed by the man himself, for the low, low price of $150, while regular "basic" figures sell for 75 smackers. The doll is available at Wilson's official website and at the two remaining shows on the current "Pet Sounds 40th Anniversary" tour, both in New York City:

11.21.06 - New York, NY – Beacon Theatre
11.22.06 - New York, NY – Beacon Theatre

In other BW news, according to Daily Variety, a Wilson biopic is in the works that has Wilson's approval and song rights secured, with cooperation from producer Mark Gordon (Saving Private Ryan) and longtime band biographer and friend David Leaf. We're just keeping our fingers crossed that the end result surpasses the made-for-tv movie Summer Dreams or Matt Dillon's thinly-veiled pastiche in Grace of My Heart.

Mike Love, not war... buy a doll.

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