Gonerfest V. Bonerfest

Gonerfest” is just one letter away from “Bonerfest.”

Gonerfest is an annual celebration of garage and punk thrown by Memphis, Tennessee’s legendary Goner Records.

Bonerfest is a state of mind.

Gonerfest lasts five days, from September 26-30.

Bonerfest is always going on somewhere.

Gonerfest artists of note include about five Jay Reatard projects and the King Louie One Man Band, perhaps better known as “the guy who secretly wrote almost all of Guitar Romantic by The Exploding Hearts.”

Bonerfest doesn’t feature artists, per se, though its contents could easily be referred to as “art.” It’s complicated. Long story short, everyone would do well to attend both.

IPI, a Texas-based "think-tank" more properly known as the Institute for Policy Innovation, released a report that claims the the annual cost to the glorious U.S. economy of music "piracy" runs to a cool $12.5 billion and precisely 71,060 jobs. Not 71,070. Not "around 70,000." No, 71,060 jobs, spread across all industries, not just the recording industry. The report also includes financial and job losses in industries hit by the ‘knock-on’ effects of the recording industry wobbling under the scourge of piracy. Like that platinum cocaine spoon manufacturer in Fresno that just closed down.

However, the report is riddled with assertions that seemingly appear out of thin air and some ridiculous omissions. For example, the exceptionally precise figures provided above are all calculated from an assertion that there are 20 billion ‘illegal’ downloads a year and a claim that 20% of everything that is downloaded would otherwise be sold through ‘legal’ channels. These figures, needless to say, are total crapshoots. The 20 billion is the industry estimate of download numbers for 2005 (which, in the extremely unlikely event that it is in any way accurate, is now totally out-of-date anyway). The 20% figure comes from an obscure 2004 study – here, if you’re interested – which itself only came to this number based on their analysis of the downloading climate between 1998 and 2002. The writers of this study themselves described this estimate as “crude”. Nowadays, this figure is both crude and nearly ten years out-of-date, but is being utilized in a report that advertises itself as containing “the latest data on worldwide piracy of recorded music.” Ha.

The reality of the situation is that there is literally no way of knowing what proportion of downloaded tracks would otherwise have been purchased -- hell, the RIAA are pushing in its noble and righteous private prosecutions that 100% of downloaded music would otherwise have been purchased! And, simply put, there are no existing reliable figures on the number of downloads that actually occur. Absent of any such reliable data, the headline figures offered by the IPI are simply not worth the paper they’re written on. The report also totally fails to address the arguments put forward by proponents of P2P networks -- you know, about downloads in many cases actually promoting sales of CDs through ‘introducing’ people to bands and genres they otherwise would never have heard.

This shadowy behavior isn’t overly surprising when you take a look at the mob that struggled to shit this turd out. These guys (the IPI), although claiming to be independent and non-partisan, are considered one of the most extreme right-wing think tanks in the country, scoring a perfect ‘eight’ on a scale of one (ultra-liberal) to eight (über-conservative) that was devised by the almost equally reactionary Capital Research Center. The Aryan Nation only managed to scrape a seven. Alright, I’m kidding about that last bit. But it’s nice to see who’s there on the barricades along with the RIAA and Lars Ulrich.

Additionally, the IPI will not, under any circumstances, divulge the names of any of their corporate donors; as such, the report itself could have been completely funded by the RIAA, and we would be none the wiser. I do know that the author of the report -- a wingnut economist who goes under the vaguely effluent-sounding name of Stephen Siwek -- has produced numerous reports over the years on behalf of the RIAA and another linked group, the International Intellectual Property Alliance.

Taking all this into account, it would be crazy to even dream of suggesting that the RIAA and its front organizations may have had contributed a five spot or two to the IPI’s “General Support Funds” that paid for this report to be cobbled together. So I won’t. But I will suggest that you all prepare to turn your leaked copies of Graduation up really high in order to drown out the noise of this report being parroted by the RIAA and their Congressional whores as yet more irrefutable evidence of the evils of file-sharing. It might get nasty.

Karl “The Architect” Rove Designs New Mates of State Album, Kori And Jason Forced To Record, Tour

Two weeks ago, Karl Rove left his White House Deputy Chief of Staff and senior advisor positions in a teary farewell. The Republican campaign wunderkind known as "The Architect" no longer serves at the pleasure of the President, and rumors of his future swirled without any regard for aerodynamics around the news media and Rove's husky body. What would he do? Where would he go? President Bush stood by his side, metaphorically arm-in-arm, as Rove dropped his bomb. If we could have heard Rove's thoughts at that moment, it surely would have been like the scene from the Brendan Frasier vehicle, The Mummy, in which Brendan's hired hand reassures him with the inspirational line, "Your strength gives me strength." And as Rove walked off into the sunset, bags packed and heart broken, America looked on, wondering whether Karl, Dear Karl, would ever love again.

Well, I am happy to report that, yes, Karl Rove has landed on his feet. It turns out, throughout his time in the White House as the professor of Dark Arts, Rove kept a delightfully upbeat paramour. His mistress: Music. His genre: Seduction!

Rove, split from the President, has poured all that broken love into his new project: Mates of State! That's right, Karl, Dear Karl, has joined forces with Kori and Jason, the only two people who have as much love as he. The new addition has not been without its headaches. Karl is an incorrigible alpha-male, and he can't shake his Architect role, leading to hilarious sitcom-like scenarios that I've coyly called "Karl's Snarls."

It sounds like bad news, but boy oh boy, our Dear Karl is whipping those Mates of State into action. Because of Karl, and Karl alone, the group has gone back into the recording studio. They've recorded three tunes with Chris Walla, wow! A new album is under construction. Meticulously crafted, 9/11 security-themed, and deliciously raucous and poppy, Karl is a little bit Mies van der Rohe, a little bit rock ‘n’ roll.

Karl is in a good place now, and Mates of State, bless their souls, are in an even better place because of him. They're even going on a tiny mix tour with some sweet acoustic shows. It's a short list, so don't expect a show at the White House anytime soon. A breakup is always hard, and everyone needs time to heal. Karl's love is too strong to keep him down; luckily Mates of State caught it, for their sake and ours.

Battles to Tour, TMT Newswriter AJ Pacitti to Keep Her Typically Dirty Mouth Shut out of Actual Respect; Which Translates to “OMFG OMFG I LIKE TOTALLY WORSHIP U IAN WILLIAMS <3 <3 <3” in Internet Girlspeak

Dearest, Sweetest Math Rock Kid,

Battles are touring.

I have nothing cynical to say, so let's live in this sweetest, rare, life-giving moment.

Seriously:

Let's dance like no one's watching. Let's laugh often, and loud, and with -- not at -- each other. Let's hang poorly-decaled wall signs over our dressers that say "Dance as if no one is watching, sing as if no one is listening, love as if you've never been hurt," to further remind ourselves to dance... sing... and love. Let's look deeply into each others' eyes, run in fields barefoot, bask in the moonlight, and wear cut-offs. Let's go joy-riding, reader, baby sweetheart! Then, let's sit back in Adirondack chairs, sip lemonade, and enjoy an abridged version of these dated MTV pseudo-band remix lyrics.

Battles are touring, and we are in love, and drinking lemonade, and life is beautiful. Close your eyes dearest, sweetest math rock kid. Let’s listen, and dance, and live for love...

----

UMeUs Calculus Dream Maker Club Mix

Originally Performed By 2Gether

We'll I've never been good at history

And I don't give a crap

About Robert E. Lee

When it comes to close signs

I know a thing or two

And I kicked ass on the test about me and you

I know my calculus it says

You plus me equals us

Said I know my calculus

It says you plus me equals us

What the world needs right now is boy bands

Perfect, no problem, I've got a boy band

Boy band (x4)

What I need now

Is my troublemaker

I know where the bad boys hang out

Girl, Algebra or trigonometry

Could never equal up to what you do to me (do to me)

So let's integrate

Don't differentiate

If you were in my class

There ain't no way I could pass (way I could pass)

I hate English, gym

And not to mention

I can't even afford to pay my attention (pay my attention)

No philosophy could ever come between us

But we'll always have our calculus

----

U+ME=CANDY HEARTS, LOVE NOTES IN LOCKERS, MAKE-OUT SESHS IN MY PARENTS' DRIVEWAY... AND BATTLES TOURDATES:

$ Caribou, Born Ruffians

Clockclean Er to Release New LP on Load; They Didn’t Go to College And You Don’t Have to Go Either

"God owns my life, not the Beatles," he said simply. "God owns my life, not the Beatles," he said simply. "God owns my life, not the Beatles," he said simply. "God owns my life, not the Beatles," he said simply. "God owns my life, not the Beatles," he said simply. "God owns my life, not the Beatles," he said simply.

"God owns my life, not the Beatles," he said simply. Clockcleaner are releasing their second LP, entitled Babylon Rules October 2 via Load Records. It is accompanied by a short tour around the Northeast. “We're a generation that is kind of troubled," he said. “We're a generation that is kind of troubled," he said. “We're a generation that is kind of troubled," he said. “We're a generation that is kind of troubled," he said.

“We're a generation that is kind of troubled," he said. “We're a generation that is kind of troubled," he said. “We're a generation that is kind of troubled," he said. “We're a generation that is kind of troubled," he said. “We're a generation that is kind of troubled," he said. “We're a generation that is kind of troubled," he said. Clockcleaner or Clockclean Er? One part concert, one part Christian revival, the rallies seek to "stage a reverse revolution" against secular popular culture. One part concert, one part Christian revival, the rallies seek to "stage a reverse revolution" against secular popular culture.

One part concert, one part Christian revival, the rallies seek to "stage a reverse revolution" against secular popular culture:

* Deerhunter

# QUI

Gonerfest V. Bonerfest

Gonerfest” is just one letter away from “Bonerfest.”

Gonerfest is an annual celebration of garage and punk thrown by Memphis, Tennessee’s legendary Goner Records.

Bonerfest is a state of mind.

Gonerfest lasts five days, from September 26-30.

Bonerfest is always going on somewhere.

Gonerfest artists of note include about five Jay Reatard projects and the King Louie One Man Band, perhaps better known as “the guy who secretly wrote almost all of Guitar Romantic by The Exploding Hearts.”

Bonerfest doesn’t feature artists, per se, though its contents could easily be referred to as “art.” It’s complicated. Long story short, everyone would do well to attend both.