Gorillaz Realize They’ve Got a Whole Bunch of Useless Shit in Their Cupboards, Decide to Make Their Fans Pay Through the Nose for It

By Squeo on Oct 13 2006

It's that time of the year again. Time for all those people with better ideas and cooler names than you to descend upon The Arches in Glasgow for a weekend of free jazz, restricted noise, and comfortably snug experimentation. Last year's Instal Festival brought the likes of Sun City Girls, Birchville Cat Motel, and spotlight-hog Jandek under one roof; and this year's line-up looks comparably juicy. Avant-garde acts from all over the world have been chosen to perform, and in many cases they'll be collaborating with one another on stage. Interesting pairings like Keiji Haino and Tony Conrad are the name of this year's game.

In addition to the main stage festivities, on Friday and Saturday night there will be a special Incest Infest Stage highlighting emerging underground musical artists specifically from Scotland and the rest of the UK. Notable playas on this stage include Birds of Delay (because I've seen them once) and Kylie Minoise (because LOL). For the small number of TMT readers that are not based in Glasgow, Instal will kindly be providing free downloads of all the performances on their web site.

Main Stage:

Friday, 10.13.06:

Blood Stereo + Ludo Mich

Ellen Fullman + Sean Meehan

Nmperign (pictured) + Jason Lescalleet

Oshiri Penpenz

Saturday, 10.14.06:

Lee Patterson

Steve Baczkowski + Ravi Padmanabha

Lethe

Keiji Haino + Tony Conrad

The Bohman Brothers

Jazkamer

Sunday, 10.15.06:

Tetsuya Umeda

Sachiko

Arrington de Dionyso

Kuwayama + Kijima

Eye Contact

Maryanne Amacher

Infest Stage:

Friday, 10.13.06:

Usurper

Jazzfinger

Polly Shang Kuan Band

Wounded Knee

Kylie Minoise

NOMA + Shareholder

Saturday, 10.14.06:

Red Kites

Birds of Delay + Nackt Insecten

Hockyfrilla

Ben Reynolds

Opaque

Picture: Seth Tisue

By Emceegreg on Oct 13 2006

The Jigga-man himself is once again the victim in a dispute with goofy, GOOFY China. Jay-Z's scheduled performance at Shanghai's Honkou Stadium on October 23 has been hella cancelled. However, this time around Jahova wasn't discriminated because he "was black," or because he was "driving 55 in a 54." (You know... that line has always bothered me.) Anyway, China disapproved of Jay-Z's rompish lyrics and declared the rapper too vulgar for the Communist country.

China has been censoring the arts and the media since the senselessly racist Wang Chung had their senselessly racist mega-hit "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight (That's What Every Guy's Name Is In China)." If you recall, the FCC did not go as far as to ban the song in America, but instead made a deal where those bastard racists removed the parenthetical. And in actualness, The Rolling Stones were almost banned earlier this year as well. But they weren't because they agreed not to play their filthy sex anthems, "Honkey Tonk Women" and "Brown Sugar." (And then Cockle wrote an amazing review of it!)

Jay-Z, real name Sean Carter (that's news in itself!), was probably smoking a fatty when he heard this news, and I'm going to go out on a limb and assume he was crushed. Poor man was probably waiting for the Chinese Culture Ministry to josh him big with a clichéd, "I make joke/ I go pee pee in your coke." Funny story, but my Asian friend Paul actually did that to me once.

In due respect to rapper/mogul/retiree/Jayonce/out-of-retirement/we-get-it Jay's current turmoil, I have rewritten the lyrics to the date-rape classic "Big Pimpin" to make it racist of the postmodern sort (ex: haha, world is all good, haha):

"Big Pimpin (Nasty China Version)" feat. emceegreg and Three-six Mafia:

You know I

Thug em

FUCK em

Hug em

Leave em

Cause I don't FUCKIN' need em

Woodchucks chuck wood

But China ain't no good

Yeah, I don't FUCKIN' feed em

They wanna start a fuss I'm breezin'

Talking 'bout

Censorship reasons

I'm a pimp all over the world, BITCH

I don't trust or believe em

In my butt, that's where I keep em

'Til I need to nut

All up in that China gut

Y'all be frontin'

Me give my heart to a Chinaman

Not for nothin'

Never happened

I be forever whackin'

More hardcore than anal assassins

I got no passion

You're just no longer finger lickin?

When I boycott General Tso's chicken

Ho get your ass in

And let's RI-I-I-I-I-IDE

(This is the chorus guys)

We doin' Big pimpin

I don't like the Chinese

Kick em out now

Big pimpin'

Smokin' some trees

We doin' Big pimpin' I think I gots a disease

It's just that Jigga-man

Jackie Chan and maybe Jet Li

Check em out now (Repeat)

Tourdates (other parts of the world don't mind the nasty):

10.13.06 - Durban, SAF - ABSA Stadium
10.14.06 - Johannesburg, SAF - Coca Coloa Dome
10.18.06 - Bangkok, THA - BEC-Thero Hall
10.20.06 - Seoul, SKO - Gayagum Concert Hall
10.21.06 - Taipei, TAI - Taipei Super Dome
10.25.06 - Sydney, AUS - Sydney Entertainment Centre *
10.26.06 - Brisbane, AUS - Brisbane Entertainment Centre *
10.27.06 - Brisbane, AUS - Brisbane Entertainment Centre *
10.28.06 - Melbourne, AUS - Rod Laver Arena *

* w/ Roc Tha Block