Government Declares National Shortage of Ryan Adams Songs, Declares State of Emergency, Calls for Whiskeytown Reissue

From: ryanluver29@aol.com

Subject: WHISKEYTOWN REISSUE YAAAAAY!!1

Date: February 13, 2009 11:23:43 PM EST

To: R***Ad***@aol.com

Hey, man, it's me again and I have to be honest...

I miss you, Ryan, like the deserts miss the rain. After three records in 2005 (thanks sooo much for that double album, btw), I was riding high and 2006 is a dark period that I don't like to talk about, but then last year you only shared Easy Tiger, an EP and 7,652 online joke raps. We're halfway through February 2008, and I've yet to hear a note from you, Mr. Adams. This is not acceptable, and forgive me for saying so, but can you cut it out with the Grateful Dead shit already? I've had it up to here. Anyway, jk lol -- I guess it has been long enough now that I can start back at the beginning of your career, then pretend you're going freshly solo again and be excited again when you peak with Heartbreaker. Thank St. Winona, though, for Universal Music -- my R.A. methadone clinic -- for taking it way back, all the way to Whiskeytown. You were so young back then! Still sad and not yet sober, but youthful! Can you believe it's been over a decade? Me neither. At least your boyish good looks haven't escaped you.

Anyway, Ryan, like I was saying... the record label is doing one of those useless reissue things with your oft-overlooked early masterpiece from 1997, Stangers Almanac, but they're adding like five live studio tracks! You probably don't even remember doing them, am I right?! But not only that, they're also tacking on a bonus disc of unreleased songs, some by Whiskeytown and some covers, but I'm sure I probably have them already from Napster or something. I mean, 1997? Come on! I'll buy it regardless, though. Anything for you, Ry-Ry. Okay, gotta go now -- Mom's calling for dinner, but I'll write again soon. And don't worry about writing back; I know you've been really busy and sad from your breakup with Jessica Joffe, but when you left your apartment on Tuesday night around 9:45, your spirits looked high! K, well, yeah, like I said, thanks for taking the time to read my e-mails, and I hope they make you smile :) :) :)

Your #1 Fan,

Joseph Coscarelli

Strangers Almanac: Deluxe Edition, March 4:

* bonus tracks

Disc Two:

1. Indian Gown
2. 16 Days (acoustic version)
3. Somebody Remembers the Rose (acoustic version)
4. Avenues (acoustic version)
5. Excuse Me While I Break My Own Heart Tonight (acoustic version)
6. Houses on the Hill (early version)
7. My Heart Is Broken
8. I Still Miss Someone (Johnny Cash cover) (acoustic version)
9. Kiss & Make-Up
10. Barn's on Fire
11. Dancing With the Women at the Bar (early version)
12. Dreams (Fleetwood Mac cover)
13. Breathe
14. Wither, I'm a Flower (previously released)
15. Luxury Liner (Gram Parsons cover)
16. Theme for a Trucker
17. Streets of Sirens (previously released)
18. Turn Around (alternate version)
19. 10 Seconds
20. Ticket Time (early version)
21. The Rain Won't Help You When It's Over (True Believers cover) (early version)

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