Grab Your Glowsticks, The Crystal Method Are Going On Tour This Spring

When you’re at a dance show, the music and/or groping from people on E can get a bit repetitive after the first five hours. Here is a handy time-killing game you can play with a friend when you see The Crystal Method this summer:

One point for spotting:
- Someone waving a glowstick
- Someone wearing these pants
- Someone sucking on a pacifier

Ten points for spotting:
- Vicks VapoRub being applied to a naked chest
- Sunglasses being worn indoors
- A Crystal Method-themed tattoo

Fifty points for spotting:
- Your dignity

The Crystal Method will be touring in support of their new album, Divided by Night, due May 12 on Tiny E Records.
05.06.09 - Boston, MA - House of Blues
05.07.09 - Montreal, QC - Metropolis
05.08.09 - Toronto, ON - Guvernment
05.09.09 - New York, NY - Webster Hall
05.10.09 - Philadelphia, PA - Theatre of Living Arts
05.11.09 - Cleveland, OH - House of Blues
05.12.09 - Baltimore, MD - Ram’s Head
05.14.09 - Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Revolution
05.15.09 - Orlando, FL - House of Blues
05.16.09 - Atlanta, GA - Tabernacle
05.17.09 - New Orleans, LA - House of Blues
05.18.09 - Houston, TX - House of Blues
05.19.09 - Austin, TX - La Zona Rosa
05.20.09 - Dallas, TX - House of Blues
05.22.09 - Las Vegas, NV - House of Blues
05.23.09 - Tempe, AZ - Marquee
05.24.09 - Tucson, AZ - Rialto Theatre
05.25.09 - San Diego, CA - House of Blues
05.29.09 - Portland, OR - Crystal Ballroom
05.30.09 - Seattle, WA - WaMu Theatre (USC Anniv. Party)
06.01.09 - Vancouver, BC - Commodore
06.03.09 - Calgary, AB - Whiskey Nightclub

Flaming Lips Win Oklahoma State Song Battle, Despite State’s Suspicion They Are That Kind of Flaming

First Iowa legalizes same-sex marriage, and now Oklahoma has chosen The Flaming Lips' “Do You Realize??” (the single from their 2002 album Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots) as their official state rock song. Methinks the rest of the United States need to get on this cool horse.

Of course, the Lips were initially met with a bit of controversy from “religious wackos” in the Oklahoma house of representatives, who were upset when band member Michael Ivins wore a sickle and hammer t-shirt (which, of course, is common attire worn by a commie pinko bastard, dadgum it), but this saga ends well and gives the state of Oklahoma some much-appreciated scene points. First off, The Flaming Lips beat out the All-American Rejects, Leon Russell and The Call in the state rock song contest, which is living proof that a significant chunk of Oklahomans have "good taste." What's more, Oklahoma Governor Brad Henry vetoed the representatives' rejection of the contest results, which with 21,000 votes, named “Do You Realize??” as the winner.

Showing home state pride, frontman Wayne Coyne says: “... I think everybody's knee-jerk reaction in the beginning was, ‘Ah, we knew it was too good to be true. That's more of the Oklahoma we thought we were dealing with.’ But it's not true, and I think that's the main reason I wanted to make sure I got to say something about it. For the governor to stand up and veto it and be on our side, it's such a great story in the end."

According to Billboard, Henry will sign an executive order today, April 28, giving the song its official status in Oklahoma rockdom. Meanwhile, Coyne plans to print up some hammer-and-sickle t-shirts for the the occasion, which will undoubtedly send certain members of the house of representatives running for their Snuggies.

Liberal Documentary Film-Makers Embark on Record Label Hit-Job with Their Kill the Record Labels DVD Release

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse in this country, thanks to our Socialist/Fascist (depending on which frame of mind you’re in) President, liberals have decided to go after fine, upstanding businessmen in the music industry.

Back in the good old days, rich white folk were guaranteed mega-sales from the stars of hip-hop. But then cheeky bastards like 50 Cent and Bun B upset the natural order of things and decided to adapt the labels’ own formula and promote their own music. Understandably, the corporations promised vengeance against these traitors and, along with the RIAA, began to encourage raids on offices, helping to arrest key figures in the hip-hop "community."

Of course liberals can’t stand inequality (even though they trumpet evolution... go figure) and have decided to cast a light on the justifiable practices of record labels in the United States. Charles Rand & T. Thomas’s Kill the Record Labels documentary, available May 12 through MVD Visual, seeks to “give DJs, artists, and producers a voice,” in exposing the “dark side of hip-hop.”

The film will retail at $19.95 and you can pre-book it here. But for $20, you’d be better off buying a couple of Miley Cyrus albums to help support hard-working Americans.

The Helio Sequence Make Two Revolutions Around the Country

If shoegazing ever makes a comeback on par with its popularity during
the early '90s (and it almost has a couple of times -- remember Serena
Maneesh?), add The Helio Sequence to the head of that pack.

Since 1999, Portland's Helio Sequence has synthesized strong bubblegum
pop melodies into effects-laden space rock that potheads and SETI
observers can equally appreciate. Though we haven't heard from them
in a while, it's exciting to see Helio Sequence sailing back into
orbit for a three-week jaunt across North America. Unfortunately
they're touring with Keane, but hey, Helio Sequence will sound
righteous on million-dollar PA systems across this land. Hit the bong
and hit them up (but no hippie dancing, por favor)!
05.08.09 - Oakland, CA - Fox Theater &
05.09.09 - Los Angeles, CA - Hollywood Palladium #
05.12.09 - Salt Lake City, UT - Kingsbury Hall #
05.13.09 - Denver, CO - Ogden Theater #
05.15.09 - Maplewood, MN - Myth #
05.16.09 - Chicago, IL - Aragon Ballroom #
05.19.09 - Washington, DC - DAR Constitution Hall #
05.20.09 - Upper Darby, PA - Tower Teather #
05.21.09 - Boston, MA - Bank of America Pavilion #
05.23.09 - Toronto, ON - The Sound Academy #
05.24.09 - Cleveland, OH - Time Warner Amphitheater #
05.27.09 - New York, NY - Radio City Music Hall #

# Keane, Mat Kearney

& Keane

Sonic Youth Append Tourdates to “Buy Early Get Now” Schedule

If you want to pre-order The Eternal (TMT News), Sonic Youth's Matador debut, you should do it, like, now. It's called "Sonic Youth Buy Early Get Now" (part of Matador's Buy Early Get Now Series), and here's what you get:

- April 28: The Eternal album stream
- May 12: Bonus SY MP3
- June 2: Another bonus SY MP3
- June 9: Copy of The Eternal, bonus live vinyl LP, and limited-edition poster

The Buy Early Get Now deal was previously only available in select physical stores, but since it's available online now, you don't even have to get your ass off your chair/bed/couch/friend's dick. And if you sign up this week, you'll get access to the presale tickets for their summer tour. What summer tour? Bitch, THIS summer tour:
06.28.09 - Chicago, IL - Vic Theater
06.29.09 - Royal Oak, MI - Royal Oak Music Theatre
07.02.09 - Philadelphia, PA - Electric Factory
07.03.09 - New York, NY - United Palace Theatre
07.06.09 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
07.08.09 - Richmond, VA - The National
07.10.09 - Knoxville, TN - Bijou Theater
07.11.09 - Nashville, TN - War Memorial
07.12.09 - Birmingham, AL - Sloss Furnaces
07.13.09 - Atlanta, GA - Variety Playhouse
07.15.09 - Dallas, TX - House of Blues
07.16.09 - Tulsa, OK - Cain's
07.18.09 - Kansas City, MO - Uptown Theater
07.20.09 - Milwaukee, WI - Turner Hall
07.21.09 - Minneapolis, MN - First Ave
07.23.09 - Boise, ID - Knitting Factory
07.25.09 - Seattle, WA - Capitol Hill Block Party
07.28.09 - Portland, OR - Roseland Ballroom
07.30.09 - Salt Lake City, UT - Twilight Music Fest
07.31.09 - Denver, CO - Ogden Theater
08.02.09 - Oakland, CA - Fox Theater

Indie punk/funk/electro collective Mahjongg, one of Chicago's best kept secrets, is touring Europe this spring. The group kicks the tour off in Marseille at the Festival B-Side and winds its way across the continent and the UK from May to the end of June. Mahjongg's second album, Kontpab, was released in 2008 by K Records. Based on our completely stereotypical view of European electro music fans, expect the shows to be full of old, mustachioed Kraftwerk fans, overenthusiastic teen ravers, and guys in gym shorts with creepy names like Franz and Dagmar.

Tour schedule:
05.27.09 Marseille, France - Festival B-Side
05.29.09 Barcelona, Spain - Primavera Festival
05.31.09 Düdingen, Switzerland - Festival Kilbi / Bad Bonn
06.01.09 Geneve, Switzerland - L'Usine
06.02.09 Lyon, France - Sonic
06.03.09 Bordeaux, France - St Ex
06.04.09 Rennes - Mondo Bizarro
06.06.09 Cardiff, UK France - Clwb Ifor bach
06.07.09 Leeds, UK - Chinchillafest / Brudenell Social Club
06.09.09 Manchester, UK - TBA
06.10.09 London, UK - Barden's Boudoir
06.11.09 Paris, France St Ouen - Mains d'Oeuvres
06.16.09 Wuerzburg, Denmark - Cairo
06.17.09 Nuremberg, Denmark - Musikverein / K4
06.22.09 Ljubljana, Slovenia - Channel Zeo / Metelkova