Grim, Horrifying Specter of the Us Festival No Longer Haunting Steve Jobs’ Dreams; iTunes to Host Music Festival

It’s not even actually a music “festival.” Apple is just sponsoring a series of concerts at London’s Institute of Contemporary Art throughout the month of July. Among others, Mika, Amy Winehouse, Crowded House (?), Travis, The Editors, Stereophonics, and Beverley Knight are set to perform. You know what, Jobs? I’m using the enormous amount of financial and political clout I’ve earned in my month-and-a-half of writing news for Tiny Mix Tapes and putting my foot down.

It’s not an Apple-sponsored music festival without The Clash and Van Halen almost getting into a fistfight and the company losing eight figures of money.

It’s not an Apple-sponsored festival without a Simpsons reference in like ten years.

It’s not an Apple-Sponsored festival if the lineup deviates from the Gang of Four/Talking Heads/Ramones/I-Already-Mentioned-The-Clash quality of the Us Festival.

Jobs, give me the reins. In spite of the fact that I am using and enjoying one right now, I don’t care about your product. I’m the kind of freethinking rogue the iTunes festival needs. I see a Troggs reunion. I see at least an hour of Albini spoken word. I see at least four hours of Paper Rad videos. You’ll lose millions, Jobsy, and the world will finally know you for the eccentric billionaire genius you are. We’ll rule the world with a brushed metal fist.

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