A kitchen. Carl is cutting carrots. John enters from outside; it's been raining.
Carl: Did you get the carrots?
John: It's raining.
Carl: I can see that. Did you get the carrots?
John: You have carrots.
Carl: But we need more. You didn't get them.
Carl: I asked you to get some...
John: Oh, shut up.
John sits down, picking up a copy of his local indie paper from his chair.
John: Blood Brothers are releasing a new album.
Carl: I know.
John: It's going to be called Young Machetes.
Carl: I know. I've read that paper.
John: It's being released tomorrow. And they're touring at the end of this month. With Trail of Dead.
Carl: Aren't you listening to me? I've read it.
Carl: I slept with Jane last night.
John: Oh, they're not playing anywhere near us.
Carl: We went to Marco's, down the road. I had the omelette. We drank coffee. And then we came back. I took her coat off. She was wearing a dress with a low back. The spotted one. Dammit, are you listening to me?
John: I'm trying to read.
John: Pass me the scissors.
Carl: (worried) Why?
John: I want to cut something out.
Carl slides the scissors slowly across the table. Not taking his eyes away from Carl, John stands, cuts out a square from the newspaper, and pins it to a noticeboard. The piece of paper reads:
"10.27.06 - Denver, CO - Gothic Theatre
10.28.06 - Lawrence, KS - Granada Theatre
10.29.06 - St. Louis, MO - Washington University
10.31.06 - Chicago, IL - House of Blues
11.01.06 - Minneapolis, MN - The Quest
11.02.06 - Milwaukee, WI - The Eagles Club
11.03.06 - Columbus, OH - Newport Music Hall
11.04.06 - Detroit, MI - Majestic Theatre
11.05.06 - Toronto, Ontario - Phoenix
11.06.06 - Montreal, Quebec - La Tulipe
11.08.06 - Boston, MA - Avalon Ballroom
11.09.06 - Philadelphia, PA - Trocadero
11.10.06 - Philadelphia, PA - Trocadero
11.11.06 - New York, NY - Irving Plaza
11.12.06 - New York, NY - Irving Plaza
11.14.06 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
11.15.06 - Charlotte, NC - Tremont Music Hall
11.16.06 - Atlanta, GA - The Masquerade
11.17.06 - Orlando, FL - The Firestone
11.18.06 - St. Petersburg, FL - Jannus Landing
11.20.06 - New Orleans, LA - House of Blues
11.21.06 - Houston, TX - Warehouse Live
11.22.06 - Austin, TX - Emo's
11.23.06 - Austin, TX - Emo's
11.24.06 - Dallas, TX - Granada
11.25.06 - Lubbock, TX - Jake's Backroom
11.27.06 - Tempe, AZ - Marquee Theatre
11.28.06 - Las Vegas, NV - House of Blues
11.29.06 - San Diego, CA - House of Blues
11.30.06 - Los Angeles, CA - Henry Fonda Theater
12.01.06 - Los Angeles, CA - Henry Fonda Theater
12.02.06 - Pomona, CA - Glass House
12.03.06 - Sacramento, CA - Empire
12.05.06 - San Francisco, CA - The Fillmore
12.06.06 - Portland, OR - Crystal Ballroom
12.07.06 - Seattle, WA - Showbox
12.08.06 - Bellingham, WA - Nightlight
12.09.06 - Victoria, British Columbia - Sugar
12.10.06 - Vancouver, British Columbia - Croatian Cultural Centre
12.11.06 - Calgary, Alberta - MacEwan Hall Ballroom
12.12.06 - Edmonton, Alberta - Red's
12.14.06 - Salt Lake City, UT - Avalon Theater"
Carl: Who the hell are Blood Brothers anyway?
John: Fucked if I know. I'm just an angry, dissatisfied, working-class British male with poorly concealed malice towards everyone I know.
Carl: Really? Me too.
Carl: Do you think this is funny yet?
John: Probably not.