Have… A Good Time… All The Time; Spinal Tap Reforms For Live Earth (You Know, like Live Aid and Live 8… Those Other Concerts That Saved The World…)

When we last left our coifed-haired heroes in Spinal Tap, dismal reviews were piling on (the review for "Shark Sandwich" was merely a two-word review which simply read "Shit Sandwich"), often hitting that nerve square between insult and truth. I even doubted my allegiance. After all, what day did the Lord create Spinal Tap, and couldn't he have rested on that day, too?

But like a phoenix risen from the ashes, Spinal Tap have reunited and will perform at Live Earth London on 07/07/07. Yeah, that's right. God's number. Coincidence? I think not. With Spinal Tap, we're very lucky we have two visionaries, David and Nigel. They're like poets, like Shelley and Byron. They're two distinct types of visionaries -- like fire and ice, basically. And there's no end to this kind of genius. Plus, I don't really think that the end can be assessed itself as being the end, because what does the end feel like? It's like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it? So, what's the end, you know, is my question to you.

Announced via the Tribeca Film Festival and viewable here, it was the tireless willpower of Marty DeBergi that brought the band back from the depths of rock purgatory (rightfully reserved for bands like Audioslave). Rumor has it the band has been working on a Mozart and Bach-inspired (Mach) musical trilogy four or five hours in length, in D minor (widely accepted as the saddest of all keys), titled "Lick My Love Pump." Designed to defeat global warming once and for all, Live Earth will stage concerts from New Jersey to Shanghai on one fateful day in July. Expect a new tune ("Warmer Than Hell") and a possible appearance from British funnyman Ricky Gervais. Thankfully, with Spinal Tap in tow, the score now reads "Live Earth: 1, Global Warming: 0". But we'll need all the star-power we can get. I mean, it's like, how much more black could this crisis be? And the answer is none. None more black.

Witch vs. Pirate IX: The Battle for Your Kids; Majors to Concentrate on Selling Ad Space

You thought you had them beat, didn't you? All those years of pirating songs, albums, entire discographies. They were dumb record execs that had no idea what was going on. You were so guerilla, weren't you? You had them beat from the get-go. Whatever monkeywrench they'd throw your way would be dealt with. They'd never figure out what a file called eezerw.mp3 was; you were so smart. The thing is, you -- and of course I mean we -- have created your own demise.

Although at times it may seem like it, record execs aren't idiots. The older generation never had a chance when they were battling music pirates on the field of technology. So now, those Warwick MBAs who couldn't figure out how to work BitTorrent are bringing the fight back home.

It's old-fashioned advertising like grandma used to make, but there's a catch... using new technologies. This is by no means a completely novel idea, but it may actually represent a business structure that has the potential to boost the profit margins of record companies, although to a relatively small percentage. Steve Yanovsky, part-time used car salesman/part-time Atlantic Records executive, predicts that, "down the road a bit I think we'll begin to see brands subsidizing music in a much fuller sense." Way to be decisive Steve.

(And rumor has it, they're working with a witch! I was able to procure an interview with Yanovsky's neighbor Gladys Kravitz, who warned of strange happenings going on over there at the Stevens... er.... Yanovsky household. Apparently, led by Universal Music Group's Executive VP David Ellner and a shadowy character known as Endora, a coven of music industry execs are revamping their business models. Music is -- poof -- disappearing as the industries main point of return, and -- poof -- hawking cheap merchandise on the backs of their stars is appearing in its place. How'd they do that?)

"We're inventing a new business model with advertisers," says Warner Music's Senior VP of Global Something-Something Dan Patterson. "We are optimistic about the opportunity advertising presents; that's why we are we are investing in our ability to serve marketers with our asset."

Essentially, the music industry is recognizing that it cannot harvest music downloads in a profitable way sufficient to its shareholders demands, so it's partnering with all of your favorite products to offset projected losses -- it's creating community. Using file-sharing networks, streaming video sites, artist sites, and anywhere else it can find ad space, the industry expects to pummel you with ads telling you what to download before you even download anything, as well as what you should be wearing/drinking/smelling like while doing it. The business model shift reflects the music industry's goal of getting to know your kids a little better and playing a more active role in their lives.

Here's the question: would you rather consciously pay record labels for exuberantly priced recordings, or stream the new Lil Mamma track album off the Jive Records website and be inundated with five banner ads for lip gloss in the process? Either way, it's your fault.

Hopelessly E-Devotional to Him. Hallelujah! Angels of Light Back with New Scripture

I may just have a suspicious nature, or maybe I'm reading into things way too much, but it seems that there has been a lot of God talk finding its way into the Tiny Mix Tapes news section lately (yes, two stories equal "a lot" in my world). It might have something to do with the season or an unconscious, heavenly prod to straighten up after celebrating the summer sun a bit too much too early this year. It might be that writing something original is harder than plagiarizing Macka's biblical-biased blurb from last week. Still on a TMT tip, it certainly has something to do with my night out with fellow scribe Munroe (who is a fucking heathen, pure and simple), because since that fateful night, I have felt, well, different inside. I cannot shake the feeling that an all-powerful force is at work. I cannot chalk it up to mere coincidence that when I stumblebummed my way into the bar washroom for the nth time that night, I was hit with a sudden rush of strangeness, and I have a vague memory of picking up some sort of ephemeral off the top of the toilet tank at the same time (no, it was not VD or an eighth of a line, you skeptics!). When I awoke the next morning (feeling less than good, and feeling stupid for having dropped my fully loaded fries and Pogo combo on my shirt), I spied a booklet peeking out of my crumpled jeans' back pocket. The cover asked a simple half-question, Have you heard of…? and the booklet's innards contained the following Four Fantastic Facts:

#1. God loves you and wants to show you His wonderful plan for your life.

#2. Everyone is born with sin in their hearts.

#3. Only Jesus can clean our sinful hearts.

#4. We must each receive Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.

Meh, I went back to bed. While many will address these quips and their own spiritual center in their own time by checking out the likes of John 10:10 ("The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so they can have life. I want them to have it in the fullest possible way."), Romans 3:23 and 5:8 ("Everyone has sinned. No one measures up to God's glory" and "But here is how God has shown His love for us. While we were still sinners, Christ dies for us."), and Ephesians 2:8-9 ("God's grace has saved you because of your faith in Christ. Your salvation doesn't come from anything you do. It is God's gift. It is not based on anything you have done. No one can brag about earning it."), I already chose the right path when I became a follower of Michael Gira's teachings. Whenever I hear Gira, in solo artist guise, as the main man behind Swans, and more recently behind his Angels Of Light moniker, I am born again and excited to have received someone into my heart and life that won't steal my girlfriend and PIN number.

You would have to be the Antichrist to think that a new Angels Of Light album is not at least one and three-quarters of a great idea. Go ahead and test the notion: ask any street corner lunatic you are on good terms with, or that girl you met that trains pigeons inside her apartment, whether he or she isn't excited as hell about the prospect of a new glorious Angels Of Light album and you will invariably get the same answer: "Righteous!" Tons of news, song snippets, full tracks, and more than appropriate truisms from other artists regarding Gira and the new Angels Of Light album We Are Him can be found on the Young God Records site. The album, Gira's 73rd, is out August 20 and is chock full of superb guest players and friends and past collaborators from Gira's days in Swans and recent backing friends Akron/Family.

The only thing as exciting as beginning another great Angels Of Light record adventure would be to see Him live. We sent off an informal e-mail to Gira to find out if and when we can expect to witness the live faith, and he shot back right away with, "I will be touring extensively after release of album August 20 in two-week stints throughout the year following release...Touring solo exclusively... I enjoy solo much more than with band these days. More of a challenge, and in some ways more 'pure' and just as intense in its own way, I think... it's a little lonely though -- I go out by myself, don't bring a tour manager or extra driver or anything, hence the two weeks at a time limit..."

"Pure" and "intense" are good words to sum any Angels of Light story. It is a good thing too, because I'm running out of steam... I can't help it if piling on praise leaves me emotionally winded. It will do the same to you. What more can you possibly want anyway? News of an Angels Of Light album, a quote from the (God)head Himself, and some second-rate witticisms from yours truly don't come cheap -- they come free! Can I get an "Amen"!?!?
1 Black River Song
2 Promise of Water
3 The Man We Left Behind
4 My Brother's Man
5 This Is Not Here/This Is Not Now
6 Joseph's Song
7 We Are Him
8 Sometimes I Dream I'm Hurting You
9 Sunflower's Here To Stay
10 Good Bye Mary Lou
11 The Visitor
12 Star Chaser

Clinic Release B-Sides And Rarities Compilation; Free, Used, And Bloodied Surgical Mask Not Included

You’ve got to hand it to any band who describes B-sides on its own website as “Multiple formats, ironic cover versions, unplugged exclusives, and absolute shit that didn’t even make it onto a generic album. Buyers beware the world of contemporary b-sides and thinly veiled extortion.” And when that band then goes ahead and releases a compilation of its flip sides from the first ten years of their existence? They must have nothing but big and undoubtedly scrumptious balls.

In the unlikely event you’re interested in who the owners of the tasty testicles are -- well, who else but Scouse-groove magicians Clinic! FUNF is the name of the album, and despite the fact that the B-sides, they claim, are “riddled with unprofessionalism and unruly failures,” I reckon when they say that, they’re just being a bunch of cheeky little monkeys. Let me assure you that there is a ton of stuff on FUNF that’ll get you right in the mood for a night of dancing and puking at the local Top Rank club. And you’ve got plenty of time to wash your cock and get your mum to iron your Farah slacks for the big night out; the record won’t appear in your local stores until June 18 in the UK.

FUNF tracklisting:

Girl Talk, De La Soul, and Particle Sail to Go Green at the Forecastle Festival

I will now attest to two trends (not bad trends, mind you) going on in 2007. Trend number one is to get your organization, company or whatever to ‘go green.’ Trend number two is for the journalists to always write about how these companies ‘go green.’ Who the hell said Tiny Mix Tapes shouldn't participate in this trend? Exactly -- no one.

The Forecastle Festival is taking place on 07/27 -07/28 in Louisville, KY at The Riverfront Belvedere. If you haven't heard of the festival, essentially it's a huge collaboration between musicians, artists, and activists coming together to ‘go green.’ In light of the whole global warming issue, it's perfect a time for a festival like this to gain a foothold in our country. All "going green" joking aside, it really is cool to see such a strong initiative for change when it comes to our earth and energy issues. What's in it for you? Well, now I will throw a bunch of musician names at you, because, damn, if you're going to support environmentalism, then you gotta know who is coming along for the ride. The current line-up includes:

De La Soul, Girl Talk*, Particle, Chicago Afrobeat Project, Mucca Pazza, How I Became The Bomb, Wax Fang, The Features, Early Day Miners, The High Water Marks, Kelley McRae, The Old Ceremony, The Impossible Shapes, Aloha, Cheer-Accident, De Novo Dahl, Scourge of the Sea, Captain of Industry, The October,Odawas, Lucky Pineapple, Black Diamond Heavies, The Pennies, Parlour, Ghostfinger, SKL, Stephen Simmons, The Harry Pickens Band, The Fervor, John Boys Courage, The Hiders, World Wide Wojo, Noizejoi, The Glasspack, Todd Coyle, Geoff Koch, and more.

The festival will also include a boat-load of artists and activists doing their thing to promote awareness. Tickets are $10-12 and it's all-ages, so bring your Great Aunt Patricia along and teach her about popping, locking, and dropping it to the gangstah sounds of Girl Talk. I guess you could teach her a thing or two about environmentalism while you're at it, too. If you and your Great Aunt need more info, hit up The Forecastle Festival's official website.

*Someone should really check and see if Girl Talk owns a time machine. Homeboy is literally in almost every festival this year. In fact someone should author a Where's Greg? children's book from satellite pictures.

Trent Reznor Keeps the Lights Off While He and UMG Stick It Hard to the Fans

In an unprecedented move, Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails fame has teamed up with his record label for the most immoral sales promotion since the Paris Hilton Hardee’s commercial.

This promotion strikes with two hot prongs, much like the DP in a Penthouse magazine. The first bit comes in when Reznor’s label, Universal Music Group, tries to sell Year Zero, the latest release from NIN (deemed “not the most original dystopian yarn,” by P4K. Sick brah, right?!) for an exorbitant amount. To be precise, the Aussies have to pay more than $34, and we stateside kids are going to have to pay more than $29. There’s the first penetration. It’s rough, but you know you can handle it if worse comes to worse.

Then, Reznor drops trough and bends his cult-like fans over and readies them for the big DP. How on earth could we, the fans, get even more screwed over after paying a bijillion dollars for a CD that only registered a 6.7 on P4K’s scale?? Reznor writes on his band’s website about the absurdity of the price for his CD. In fact, we have a quote straight from Reznor: “As the climate grows more and more desperate for record labels, their answer to their mostly self-inflicted wounds seems to be to screw the consumer over even more." And he continues, "Shame on you, UMG. 'Year Zero' is selling for $34.99 Australian dollars ($29.10 US). No wonder people steal music. Avril Lavigne's record in the same store was $21.99 ($18.21 US)."

The scorcher here, the burn the morning after, is that this bitter squabble may be quite orchestrated. For if UMG tries selling NIN’s CD for stupid-expensive and Reznor tries to tell his fans he’s not behind the pricing and in fact he’s outraged, then fans may very well be all “Fuck you UMG. I’ll buy the CD anyway.” Then, both Reznor and UMG win, and you are left with your sea parted way too far to ever feel anything remotely pleasurable again.

Whatever. At least Reznor concluded his complaints by saying they are going to release a full-length remix collection.

  

News

  • Recent
  • Popular