Hey Grammys! Writers Guild Might Picket. Whites Stripes Might Boycott. Kanye West Might Cry. And Fergie Might Pass a Kidney Stone.

The Writers Guild Checklist:

Golden Globes - Check

Oscars - Check

Grammys - Boo-yah!

As a lover of music, like 99% of the U.S. (excluding Mr. McNabbit next door to me -- he's a grump!), I was appalled over hearing the news that the Writers Guild of America ("entertainment terrorists") might picket the glorious Grammys.

The 50th annual Grammy Awards are scheduled to air February 10 on CBS, live from Staples Center in Los Angeles. If the WGA decides to picket the show, celebrity attendance could possibly, maybe be lowered down nearly 99% (except for Mr. McNabbit, my next door neighborhood -- he goes every year, but he is no celebrity), which may in fact result in a cancellation of the ceremony.

Many artists are already saying they will join the unstable bandwagon of the WGA by boycotting what many consider "the only thing that matters in musical acceptance and success." The White Stripes, Beyonce, 50 Cent, and Jon Bon Jovi top the list of performers who say, "No, I won't be a scab."

Other performers who threaten to boycott include, Prince, Justin Timberlake, Alicia Keys, Nelly Furtado, Tim McGraw, Kelly Clarkson, Fergie, and American Idol winner Fantastic Burrito.

Amy Winehouse, for whatever reason, is confirmed her appearance. And nowhere on that non-scab list did I see U2 or Kanye West. You know why? Because they're all true American heroes. West worked his penis off making an acclaimed pop/rap record that had no skits or interlude crap. What more could one ask for? So, if you have a problem with the Grammys, you screenwriters, I suggest you remind yourself that you will be offending the likes of U2, a.k.a. the band in which God plays.

It was also rumored that Fergie was scheduled to perform, which would involve her mustering up a soon-to-be-titled mineral secretion in her urinary tract. This just in: Fergie will name the kidney stone after her true birth name, Keith. Do you really want us, the true music fans, to miss out on the chance of seeing Fergie give birth to her true male self?

On the other hand, I would love to see ol' Mr. McNabbit denied a chance to go to his favorite award show. I hate that guy.

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