Human Highway Announce Tourdates, Discover That Nick Thorburn Suffers From Dystychiphobia

My New Year’s resolution for 2009 was to stop inventing fictional anecdotes for my news stories, so that artists like Chad VanGaalen will stop sending me threatening emails because I may have compared him to Zac Efron in this story last year. Therefore, you can rest assured, members of Human Highway, that the following is 100% true: Dystychiphobia is the fear of car accidents, which is unfortunate for Nick Thorburn of Human Highway since he’s about to be stuck in a van for a good two weeks in March!

Damnit, first news story of ’09 and I’m already back to my old ways! Sorry, Nick -- but hey, it’s better than being compared to an orange-faced teen idol, right?
03.13.09 - Toronto, Ontario - The Legendary Horseshoe Tavern
03.14.09 - Chicago, IL - Empty Bottle &
03.15.09 - Kansas City, MO - The Record Bar &
03.16.09 - Norman, OK - Opolis Productions $
03.17.09 - Denton, TX - Hailey's $
03.18.09 - Austin, TX - TBA (SWSW)
03.19.09 - Austin, TX - TBA (SWSW)
03.20.09 - Austin, TX - TBA (SWSW)
03.21.09 - Birmingham, AL - The Bottletree &
03.22.09 - Chapel Hill, NC - Local 506 &
03.23.09 - Washington, DC - Black Cat &
03.24.09 - Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church &
03.25.09 - New York, NY - Le Poisson Rouge &

& Cotton Jones, The Magic

$ The Magic, Efterklang, and Peter Broderick

Michael Jackson Gives Back Beatles Catalog… WHEN HE DIES!

Former friends Sir Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson may have reconciliation in their collective futures. Jackson, who just recently started complaining of “dying” from a rare genetic lung disease, has begun to put his affairs in order before ascending to the heavenly throne of King of Pop. Now 50 and possibly wheelchair-bound, Jackson has drafted a new will with a specific clause stating that, should Jackson die, McCartney would regain control of his share of the Beatles catalog.

Jackson famously outbid McCartney with £350 million for the publishing rights to the entirety of the Lennon-McCartney songbook in 1985, which of course also marked the end of their brotherly goodwill and creative partnership. But Jackson is making it quite clear that he wishes to bury the axe, and an insider close to the pop star had this to say:

Michael is worried about his health so decided it was time to look at his finances. Most of his estate has been divided up between his three children. But Michael told his lawyers he was sad he no longer talks to Sir Paul and said he wanted to make things right.

Let’s hope this works out, because then they might write a sequel to the “Girl is Mine” song. I’ve always wondered who got to do the dirty deed with the lady at the end of the night.

Titus Andronicus Tour with Los Campesinos! I Second That Emotion!

Ah, the old heart-on-sleeve approach. Sometimes, nothing beats it. It worked for the Boss, it worked for U2, hell, it even worked for Jimmy Eat World in the ’90s. And now, as ever, the mantle has been passed to a new generation of “oh my god, this is what I’m feeling right now, just deal with it!” troubadours. And topping that list? The manic-depressive wunderkids of Titus Andronicus and Los Campesinos! And here in 2009, you can “just deal” with the fact that these hormone-high boys and girls will be teaming up to do a tour together!

That’s right, on the veritable eve of the re-mastered re-release of Titus Andronicus’s raucous The Airing of Grievances (due physically on [XL
Recordings->http://www.xlrecordings.com] on January 20), Titus Andronicus and Los Campesinos! will be striking out for a U.S. jaunt that will surely make you feel both incredibly excited and incurably depressed and angry, all within the span of a couple of hours. But you know who’s really going to be depressed? The poor guys who have to put “Titus Andronicus / Los Campesinos!” on all those marquees this winter. What a mouthful. And, do those plastic letter sets even come with punctuation marks, anyway?

Titus! Andronicus! Los! Campesinos! Ahhhh!
01.15.09 - Baltimore, MD - Ottobar
01.16.09 - Carrboro, NC - Cat’s Cradle
01.17.09 - Atlanta, GA - The Earl
01.19.09 - Jacksonville, FL Jack Rabbits
01.21.09 - Tallahassee, FL - Club Downunder
01.24.09 - Nashville, TN - Exit-In
01.25.09 - Memphis, TN - Hi Tone
01.27.09 - New Orleans, LA - One Eyed Jack’s
01.29.09 - Houston, TX - Walter’s on
01.30.09 - Austin, TX - The Parish
01.31.09 - Dallas, TX - Club Dada
02.03.09 - Lawrence, KS - The Bottleneck
02.03.09 - Lawrence, KS - The Bottleneck
02.04.09 - St. Louis, MO - The Gargoyle
02.06.09 - Madison, WI - Der Rathskeller
02.07.09 - Chicago, IL - Logan Square Auditorium
02.10.09 - Grand Rapids, MI - Calvin College Ladies Literary Club
02.11.09 - Columbus, OH - Wexner Center for the Arts
02.12.09 - Swarthmore, PA - Swarthmore College Olde Club
02.13.09 - Boston, MA - Paradise Rock Club
02.14.09 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom
02.15.09 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom

Mario Speedwagon’s Under The Radar News Roundup: Best Buy Offers Buyouts To Employees, Brian Eno To Score Jackson Film, Merle Haggard Sues Some Tree Huggers, 75 Bit Torrent Sites Shut Down…ZZzzZzzZZZzzZ…

I hope everyone had a great holiday season and New Years. I got a microwave for Christmas and watched my drunken uncles and aunts play Rock Band while my little cousins sat looking miserable on the sidelines. Then on New Year's Eve, I went to MSG and saw My Morning Jacket and drank $9 beer -- holler. Anyway, while ya’ll were hanging with your families, absolutely nothing happened. This shit is gonna be boring.

- So, Best Buy is offering buyouts to 4,000 or so employees at their corporate office. The economy is a mess, so Best Buy needs to “reduce significant expense from its corporate payroll.” I wish someone would offer me some pimp buy out. I ate Cream of Chicken soup and some Airheads for dinner last night. Everyone from the janitor to the big VP dudes are being offered the buyout, which is based on age and time of service. They didn’t say how many people they wanted to get rid of, just that pretty much everyone was offered to volunteer to be fired. Nice.

- Brian Eno is gonna score Peter Jackson’s new movie, an adaptation of Alice Sebold’s “The Lovely Bones.” Part of the movie takes place in heaven (okay…) and stars Rachel Weisz, Mark Wahlberg, Susan Sarandon, Saoirse Ronan, Michael Imperioli, and more. Shit comes out December 11, 2009.

- Merle Haggard is suing the environmental group The Green Train for allegedly using his name and likeness to raise money. Haggard says the group, a nonprofit that educates the public about environmental issues, forged his signature and exaggerated his involvement. The Green Train has a six-week train tour departing from Portland, OR and traveling through 28 states while stopping for several concerts along the way, eventually ending in DC. I mean, he did donate money to them, and it doesn’t sound like a bad organization, so Merle needs to chill out. It’s not like he’s the face of the Puppy Kicker’s Club.

- Dutch anti-piracy company BREIN shut down 75 Bit Torrent trackers. Sites like Luckytorrents, Allmymovies, Digi-tor.org, and Seederstor.org were taken down. Yes, this is how boring the holidays were...

Seriously -- ATTENTION MUSICIANS -- someone needs to get arrested or make an angry blog post or start feuding with someone else, because, like, I seriously just wrote about some ‘nilla news items. Mario OUT.

RIP: Dave Dee, British Pop Star

From the BBC:

British pop star Dave Dee has died at the age of 65, following a three-year battle with cancer.

The singer continued playing gigs with band members Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich until close to the end of his life, record plugger Sean Cooney said.
"He didn't let it get him down. He was defying it," Mr Cooney added.

The group had eight top 10 hits, including a UK number one single in 1968 with The Legend of Xanadu, in which Dee famously cracked a whip.

- Dave Dee official website
- Dave Dee Wikipedia entry

Vetiver Reveal Tight Knit Details; Give Tad, Dwarves, and The Shins A Run For Their Money

Did you know that Vetiver’s new full-length album, Tight Knit, is both their first Sub Pop release and also Sub Pop’s first release of 2009? Because of this fact, I decided to do a little research and compile a brief list of other Sub Pop first releases for years gone past:
1989: Blood Circus – Primal Rock Therapy
1990: Tad – Loser/Cooking With Gas
1993: Dwarves – Underworld/Lies 7”
1994: Pigeonhed – S/T
1997: Damien Jurado – Water Ave. S
1998: Godheadsilo – Share The Fantasy
2001: Arlo – Up High In The Night
2003: Holopow – S/T
2005: Low – The Great Destroyer
2006: The Elected – Sun, Sun, Sun
2007: The Shins – Wincing The Night Away
2008: The Helio Sequence – Keep Your Eyes Ahead

If there’s one conclusion that can be drawn from these results, it’s that Sub Pop kinda sucked during the ’90s. Don’t take my word for it though -- just ask the members of Blood Circus, whose album Primal Rock Therapy was apparently one of the poorest selling Sub Pop albums ever.
Getting back on topic, Tight Knit is due February 17 and features such special guests as Eric Johnson (Fruit Bats, The Shins), Jonathan Wilson, “Farmer” Dave Sher, and Adam Peters.

Tracklist:

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