I accompanied Percival upstairs. He was clearly despondent. But when I pleaded that I could change my ways and that I would cease giving the empty promises he had rightfully come to expect from me, he could not help but ask, again and again, “Will you ever come up with a clever title for one of your news stories? Truly?” As the pall of gloom enveloped us, we knew the real answer. The Clientele to tour North America in support of their new album God Save The Clientele.

The British are coming! The British are coming! Valiant messengers have carried this very promise (or warning) in regard to the latest and greatest music phenomena almost since the day of Paul Revere's fateful midnight ride. The British are always coming, but the ones that we tend to hear most about are those who arrive with full-throttle, readymade media blitzes in tow. Must all visiting Brit stars landing on North American shores have to resort to airing personal crises and "telling it like it is" to garner attention (are you reading this, Amy Winehouse?) or announcing their mere arrival and conquering mission with a clarion call of bling and bravado (hello David Beckham and your wife/lapdog)? Can't we just hear the music or see you play and make up our minds upon that and that alone?

The smooth London Town operators in The Clientele have made the pilgrimage across the Atlantic many times in their own quiet, inimitable style. The band is as inoffensive as your grandmother pushing a desert plate of butter tarts and 'nilla wafers across the table, while you're schooling her at Yahtzee -- but we wouldn't have it any other way. Catch one of the following shows and "zing!" will go the strings of your heart

04.12.07 - London, England - Hoxton Square Bar
04.18.07 - Madrid, Spain - Siroco $
05.06.07 - Hoboken, NJ - Maxwell's #
05.07.07 - Philadelphia, PA - Johnny Brenda's #
05.08.07 - Washington, DC - Black Cat #
05.09.07 - Charlottesville, NC - Satellite Ballroom #
05.10.07 - Carrboro, NC - Cat's Cradle #
05.11.07 - Charleston, SC - Map Room #
05.12.07 - Atlanta, GA - The Earl #
05.13.07 - Nashville, TN - The Basement #
05.14.07 - Memphis, TN - Hi Tone #
05.16.07 - Baton Rouge, LA - Spanish Moon #
05.17.07 - Houston, TX - Walter's on Washington #
05.18.07 - Denton, TX - Hailey's #
05.19.07 - Austin, TX - Emo's Lounge #
05.21.07 - Tempe, AZ - Modified #
05.22.07 - San Diego, CA - Casbah #
05.24.07 - Los Angeles, CA - Knitting Factory #
05.25.07 - Visalia, CA - Howie & Sons Pizza & Beer Parlor #
05.26.07 - San Francisco, CA - Great American Music Hall #
05.27.07 - Portland, OR - Doug Fir #
05.28.07 - Seattle, WA - Crocodile Café #
05.31.07 - Minneapolis, MN - 400 Bar #
06.01.07 - Madison WI - High Noon #
06.02.07 - Chicago, IL - Subterranean #
06.03.07 - Detroit, MI - Magic Stick #
06.04.07 - Toronto, Ontario - El Mocambo #
06.06.07 - Montréal, Quebec - Club Lambi #
06.08.07 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom #
06.09.07 - Boston, MA - Museum of Fine Arts #

$ Alasdair Maclean solo w/Darren Hayman (Hefner)

# w/Beach House

Merge Records will be taking a small break from filling Neon Bible orders to release the new Clientele album, God Save The Clientele, on May 8. It was produced by Marky Nevers of Lambchop and features arrangements by the incredible string thing Louis Philippe. And because the group caved and disbanded its Lil' Rascals-esque He-Man Woman Haters Club, it will be the first Clientele record to feature new female member Mel Draisey. A couple of new songs can be heard here.

The Clientele have recorded a cover version of “Orpheus Beach” by The Go-Betweens that will appear on an upcoming tribute album (Love Goes On! A Tribute to Grant McLennan and The Go-Betweens) coming out on Rare Victory. The album will also include contributions from Portastatic, Trembling Blue Stars, and a host of indie schmindie heroes.

God Save The Clientele. O-taaaay!!!

1. Here Comes the Phantom
2. I Hope I Know You
3. Isn't Life Strange?
4. The Dance of the Hours
5. From Brighton Beach to Santa Monica
6. Winter on Victoria Street
7. The Queen of Seville
8. These Days Nothing but Sunshine
9. Somebody Changed
10. No Dreams Last Night
11. Carnival on 7th Street
12. Bookshop Casanova
13. The Garden at Night
14. Dreams of Leaving