I Have The Yo La Tengo Tour News, Dry Bilingual Punnery

Dear TMT readers,

Will you ever learn?

I mean, what's it gonna take for Yo La Tengo to show you that they're not fucking around here?

I guess it's just not enough anymore to simply assure you audience ingrates via some remote recording studio that they could beat all of your sissy, aging hipster asses (Although, come on now, who couldn't knock some horn-rimmed weenie on his or her ass, right? Even another horn-rimmed weenie could do that). They wrote and they taped and they roared and rampaged, but you still laughed in their faces!

And it's also apparently no longer good enough for the Matador megastars to go so far as to demonstrate the physical force behind that threat with the kind of ear-blistering, face-peeling, metaphysically ass-pounding power-riffage behind such serious tunes from last year's highly acclaimed LP I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass (TMT Review), such as the muscle-bound "Pass the Hatchet I Think I'm Goodkind," with its 'roid -popping guitar solos and ferociously locked-in beat.

Nope: it seems that for all of their "don't mess with us, we're fucking serious this time" warning signs, you people just can't take the hint. You all HEARD what this band did to that "Mr. Tough" guy, but you still just laughed at all of the cute horn parts and shrugged these guys (and girl) off, and now seems you're a-callin' down the fury.

That's right. Yo La Tengo is sick of your shit, and now they are rolling up their sleeves, puffing out their chests, outfitting their hands with badass fingerless gloves, stocking up on toothpicks and sunglasses, and COMING OVER TO YOUR PLACE to throw down. If you live in one of these select cities... uh, and if you're going to be in those particular cities on these specific dates... uh, then I'm afraid you are going down, my friend. And may God have mercy on you. Not even someone as bad-ass as Uncle Jesse can save you now.

Scheduled Beat-downs (with some tales, stories, and chit-chat):
09.09.07 - London, UK - Royal Festival Hall
09.10.07 - Brussels - Botanique
09.11.07 - Paris - Le Trabendo
09.12.07 - Brighton - Concorde
09.14.07 - Dorset/Wiltshire - End of the Road Festival
09.16.07 - Austin, TX - Zilker Park - Austin City Limits Festival
09.17.07 - Austin, TX - The Parish
09.29.07 - Los Angeles, CA - Hollywood Bowl
10.09.07 - Pittsburgh, PE - Warhol Museum
10.10.07 - Bloomington, IN - Buskirk-Chumley Theater
10.11.07 - Chicago, IL - Lakeshore Theater
10.12.07 - Milwaukee, WI - Discovery Museum
10.13.07 - Grand Rapids, MI - Calvin College Fine Arts Center
10.19.07 - Port Washington, NY - Jeanne Rimsky Theater at Landmark on Main Street
10.20.07 - Woodstock, NY - Colony Cafe
10.22.07 - Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church
10.23.07 - Alexandria, VA - Birchmere
11.10.07 - North Adams, MA - Massachusetts Museum of Contemporary Art

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