It took months for me to see the light. I steadfastly avoided Sub Pop's (São) paulistano sextet Cansei De Ser Sexy for reasons of perceived hokiness and novelty. Of course, I was way off-base as usual. You have to be a quadri-miser-asshole of the highest order (I'm thinking along the lines of a Hitler/Steve Jobs/Ty Cobb/Ebenezer Scrooge mix here) to not get CSS, or to not at least break a smile and some dancefloor sweat when you hear those synth-propelled, racy electro riddims. I was planning on submitting one of my standard dullard stories for the upcoming CSS Euro/North American tours but was then surprised and more than a little hot and bothered when lead screamer Lovefoxxx herself (or most absolutely someone posing as Ms. 'Foxxx) sent me this to post; how could I say no?
Call me on over so you can take me for a wink wink,
I turn the tables and quickly strap you to the sink, sink.
Take all your cash then to the airport on time,
Catch the first flight to Europe, order Stolis with lime.
Get off on the plane, confiscatin' my sexxx toys,
Seven Irish dates makes us feel like The Waterboys.
All over Europe we'll be shakin' our thangs,
Gonna knock out your guts so you suffer from stomach pangs.
Cra-zy cra-zy cra-zy! Wha the fuss? No foolin'.
Spaniards and Frenchmen, it's your brains we'll be unspooling.
Soaking wet crowds make me open like the halls of Big Ben,
It's tough luck to know I am lovin' up so many men.
Beats come so hard you'll think that you're pissed,
Spitting green chunks like that chick from The Exorcist.
Grab hold of the microphone, I'm screaming your name,
Ten pints of beer makes me feel that you're all the same.
Skinny boys all over us insisting they're well-hung,
Knock them all down with a lick from my sharp tongue.
We end in San Fran-disco for some mad love NoisePop slop,
Then I'll hop on you quick like I'm hop-hoppin' on top-top.
Untie you quick just to keep you off your feet,
Sitting on the floor, face buried in my Mini-Wheat ("Frosted!").
I hurts my heart to have to mess with your mind,
This kind of loving means I'm cruel to be super-kind.
By the smile on your face I know I'm not mean,
CSS is so hot that you cream in your blue jeans.
I leave knowing well that my job here is done,
I leave knowing well that my job here is never done.
'Cause Cansei De Ser Sexy is a force that won't stop,
As pert, perky, perfect as a smooth, sexxxy lollipop.
C'mon! How is a poor newsy going to compete with that? Some of the dates below (particularly the Euro ones) are with Tilly and the Wall and Ratatat. I'm not sure which ones though
04.01.07 - Helsinki, Finland - Tavastia Club
04.03.07 - Porto, Portugal - Casa Da Musica, Sala 2
04.04.07 - Lisbon, Portugal - Club Lux
04.05.07 - Madrid, Spain - Sala Carocol
04.06.07 - Barcelona, Spain - Razzmatazz
04.07.07 - Marmande, France - Festival Garorock
04.09.07 - Brussels, Belgium - Botanique
04.10.07 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - Paradiso
04.11.07 - Cologne, Germany - Gebaude 9
04.12.07 - Berlin, Germany - Maria
04.13.07 - Vienna, Austria - Flex
04.15.07 - Milan, Italy - Magazzini Generali
04.16.07 - Rome, Italy - Circolo Degli Artisti
04.18.07 - Paris, France - Élysée Montmartre
04.20.07 - Cork, Rep. of Ireland - Savoy
04.21.07 - Dublin, Rep. of Ireland - Ambassador Theatre
04.22.07 - London, England - Astoria
04.23.07 - London, England - Astoria
04.24.07 - Manchester, England - The Ritz
04.25.07 - Edinburgh, Scotland - The Liquid Room, Triptych Festival
04.26.07 - Glasgow, Scotland - Barrowlands, Triptych Festival
04.29.07 - Indio, CA - Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival
05.10.07 - Carlow, Rep. of Ireland - The Music Factory
05.11.07 - Dublin, Rep. of Ireland - Trinity College
05.12.07 - Belfast, N. Ireland - Mandela Hall
05.13.07 - Limerick, Rep. of Ireland - Dolan's Warehouse
05.17.07 - Brighton, England - Great Escape Festival
06.01.07 - New York, NY - Irving Plaza
06.02.07 - Cambridge, MA - Middle East
06.03.07 - Montréal, Quebec - La Tulipe
06.04.07 - Toronto, Ontario - The Horseshoe
06.06.07 - Vancouver, British Columbia - Richard's on Richards
06.07.07 - Seattle, WA - Neumos
06.08.07 - Portland, OR - Doug Fir Lounge
06.09.07 - San Francisco, CA - Noise Pop, Mezzanine
07.07.07 - Kinross, Scotland - T in the Park Festival
07.08.07 - Naas, Rep. of Ireland - Oxegen Festival