I’m going to live in Nashville and make a career out of writing bad stories and not getting paid all year. With lines like that, you’d think David Berman of Silver Jews would return my calls, right? Yeah, I know.

I was up late last night thinking to myself, "Dude, you really ought to be more dedicated to Tiny Mix Tapes. I mean, how many stories have you done this month? Yeah, exactly." I hoped I hadn't died in the eyes of Mr P. I'm still here, below the chandelier. So, I searched the forum for a good news story to write, and what do I find? News about the JOOS! That's right, my all-time most favorite band Silver Jews have finished up their new album.

I popped a couple Adderalls (poor man's coke) and proceeded to spend the night crafting a story Mr. Berman could be proud of. I thought about the time I contacted his booking agent and tried so desperately to get DCB to come do a reading at our school. I remembered their first-ever tour in 2006 and, more importantly, how they played a 21+ venue when I was underage. Then I remembered the first time I heard a leaked version of the then much-anticipated Tanglewood Numbers and how my friend and I chatted on AIM for three hours using only lines from Joo songs.

After all that reflecting, I finally put my fingers to work. Or I tried to put my fingers to work. I quickly realized that I had become paralyzed with fear. This was the first time in months I had a chance to write a story about a band I truly cared about, and I couldn't move. My armpits became sweaty and my throat ran dry. I had visions of David and Cassie laughing at my inability to say something True. I realized I would never be hospitalized for approaching perfection, nor can I dance real good -- uh huh huh.

I went back to the medicine cabinet and took some Lyrica to curb my anxiety, remembering that even ponies get depressed. The medicine paired with that thought helped me a little bit. I realized that, as long as I was honest, Berman would be proud of me. So, by four this morning, I had drunk 50,000 beers. And they just washed against me like the sea into a pier.

"Jesus," I said after the last bottle. "I only have four or so months to get ready for their newest release!" That's right, Drag City darlings Silver Jews plan to release their sixth album (if you don't count The Arizona Record or Dime Map of the Reef), Lookout Mountain, Lookout Sea, sometime in April. The ten-song set was recorded where else but Lexington, VA and Nashville, TN. After years of a rotating cast of players, the Joos will feature Berman's touring band (this includes his wife, Cassie, on bass), who will be playing ATP festivals in England and Spain. But Berman hopes to keep the live gigs going. "I'd like to do more. Our excellent booking agent, Derek Becker at Satellite, is working on it now," Berman said. (I totally talked to Derek Becker last spring!)

So moral of the story: get me a leak of this album pronto, and I will lick your balls/non-balls to no end.

Finally, Berman will be waxing hot at the Corcoran Gallery of Art on February 28 in Washington D.C. The subject is an exhibition by recently deceased visual artist Jeremy Blake, of whom he was once a subject.

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