While you were still trying to figure out if Brad Paisley was actually singing “And I'd like to check you for ticks” during his Grammy Awards performance (he was... thanks Filmore!) Warner Music Group was preparing to make everyone feel like sacks of crap by announcing some of its latest environmental initiatives. For the second year in a row, Warner used a post-Grammy celebration to cast the spotlight not on its awesome roster of super-terrific stars, but on two hot media buzzphrases: “zero landfill waste” and “carbon-neutral.”
The soirée, held at Vibiana in Los Angeles, was to use such “green” practices as “carbon-offsetting the event's energy usage; use of energy efficient lighting and bio-diesel generators; recycled paper products; use of local farmers' markets and vendors; eco-friendly soaps and detergents; invitations printed on 100% recycled paper and manufactured with wind power' and composting of paper and food waste, among other efforts,” so says CNNMoney.com. Apparently, the spirit of the night extended to the excessive behaviors of the revelers in attendance, as eye-witnesses spotted vast quantities of coke being shared using biodegradable straws and recycled mojito vomit being used to power the room's centerpiece fountain, which proudly displayed an ice sculpture of the Eros, the Greek God of love, bestowing a chivalrous hand-job on WMG Chairman and CEO Edgar Bronfman Jr.
Warner's efforts did not go unnoticed, especially not by the most important actor (and, hence, person) in the free world. The Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, applauded Warner’s initiative, saying (possibly through an interpreter), “I am very pleased that Warner Music Group, working with the city, state and local leaders, has taken this issue to heart and is turning consumption into conservation on the important pop culture stage at this ‘zero waste’ event.” He then grunted and shat out an entire community of subterranean quasi-mutant tunnel dwellers, placed it atop his left shoulder, and flew away in a crude-oil-and-seal-pelt-propelled monster truck to the tortured strains of Meat Loaf's “Bat Out of Hell.” He added, “I’ll be back... to hear more about your carbon-neutral conservation measures and your delicious, delicious children.”
The environmentally-conscious music monolith partnered up with the City of Los Angeles' Bureau of Sanitation, California's Integrated Waste Management Board, and other state and municipal agencies and companies to pull off the event in true “green” style. The publicly-traded Warner Music Group has quickly become an industry leader in proposing company-wide, employee-expected policies and by enacting environmentally-responsible programs to deal with its paper usage and greenhouse gas emissions issues. To further advance Warner's eco-goals, it is hoped that the company will use money saved by thinking before signing and throwing large sums of cash at terrible rock acts like Avenged Sevenfold, HIM, Funeral For a Friend, and Against Me!
