Jagjaguwar Officially Going Steady With Canada; Canada Welcomes Attention but Not Ready for Full-On Penetration Yet

This year marks the 50th anniversary of the death of little-known author and poet E.C. Bentley. While his name means sweet F.A. to most, the man should be given his proper dues for two significant achievements. First, his early 20th-century story "Trent's Last Case" set the benchmark for future mystery novels and influenced giants of the genre like Agatha Christie and Dorothy Sayers. (It's also notable for being really funny, too; the main detective, Trent, falls for a primary suspect — always a really dumb idea — and figures out the motive for the crime, but only after getting every one of his deductions incorrect and only after being told by the criminal himself how it was envisioned.) And secondly, he was the inventor of humorous, biographical, four-line, limerick-like poems called clerihews (his middle name). With irregular line lengths and simple structure and rhyming (AABB), the clerihew is the perfect medium for wannabe poets, pranksters, and roasters, and hence, for this amateur-in-every-way TMT scribe.

Not one to rest on its huge laurels, Jagjaguwar Records has announced that it will start the new year with one obvious goal: to continue its amazing run of strong albums. If anyone can follow up a year in which it put out two Simon Joyner albums, Pink Mountaintops' Axis of Evol, the self-titled Ladyhawk LP, Swan Lake's Beast Moans, Oneida's Happy New Year, and a slew of other releases, our favorite Bloomington, Indiana-based label can.

You might be wondering what a long-deceased, mysterious author/poet has to do with the never-forgotten record company. Um, nothing. But when I put them together, it gives me a chance to post tracklists and try my hand at writing some truly terrible clerihews of my own about two upcoming Can-rock Jagjaguwar releases: The Besnard LakesThe Besnard Lakes Are the Dark Horse (out February 20) and Woke Myself Up by Julie Doiron (to be released January 23).

Besnard Lakes are from the Montreal,

The home of le smoked meat, y'all.

You know they are hung, of course,

Because they are the Dark Horse.

The Besnard Lakes Are the Dark Horse:

That old David Nadelle

Thought he was as smart as a bell. (Wha?)

Oh yeah, a genius, a real academic,

He's about as cool as a flu pandemic.

Nothing would be meaner

Than to knee him in his weiner.

But you know he would deserve it,

Because his clerihews stink like shee-it.

Okay, you think you got the skill

to write some clerihews that kill?

The best one sent to me

Will win a mixed CD!

Click on my name below

And attach your verse and address, yo.

I promise this single thing to you,

My mix will be better than my clerihews...

House Dems Ask FCC Follow-Up Questions After Media Ownership Hearing In Nashville, Demand Their Druthers

So the FCC has started to feel the pressure, but according to those rascally Democrats, it's time for them to feel the burn. Fresh from a Monday public hearing on media ownership rules down in Nashville, TN, Chairman Martin and his tightest bros have decided to commission "ten economic studies pertaining to the effects of media ownership, and... well, you know, stuff like that." House Dems are pleased that the studies are being conducted but are concerned with the way Martin trailed off at the end of his sentence and gazed longingly at an ice cream truck passing by the window. Congressman Maurice Hinchey (D-NY) and six others have sent a letter full of question marks to Martin, demanding further details about the studies.

"Were those conducting the studies given further instruction in addition to the assignment of their respective topics?" the letter barks. "If so, what were the instructions given to each participant?" "How much money is being spent on each study?" "What internal and external resources will be made available for those conducting the studies?" And those are only the juicy bits! The sentiment of all these questions can be summed up as follows: "Are you actually going to do what you said, you dirty little rat?"

Congress ain't the only ones wary of the FCC; Monday's hearing in Nashville drew hundreds of concerned members of the public, including a slew of country music stars. Porter Wagoner sauntered up to Chairman Martin at one point, real smooth-like, and mentioned that "the days of an artist receiving regional airplay or breaking as a new act on radio are gone, and you are now considering making the situation even worse by letting some broadcast dynasties become even bigger broadcasting dynasties." John Rich of Big & Rich also declared that the lack of country stations in cities like New York and Los Angeles is patently "anti-American," to which those sitting around him agreed by hocking into a spittoon.

This hearing was the second in a proposed series of six, though Martin may only be responding to questions with lewd gestures by the fourth.

House Dems Ask FCC Follow-Up Questions After Media Ownership Hearing In Nashville, Demand Their Druthers

So the FCC has started to feel the pressure, but according to those rascally Democrats, it's time for them to feel the burn. Fresh from a Monday public hearing on media ownership rules down in Nashville, TN, Chairman Martin and his tightest bros have decided to commission "ten economic studies pertaining to the effects of media ownership, and... well, you know, stuff like that." House Dems are pleased that the studies are being conducted but are concerned with the way Martin trailed off at the end of his sentence and gazed longingly at an ice cream truck passing by the window. Congressman Maurice Hinchey (D-NY) and six others have sent a letter full of question marks to Martin, demanding further details about the studies.

"Were those conducting the studies given further instruction in addition to the assignment of their respective topics?" the letter barks. "If so, what were the instructions given to each participant?" "How much money is being spent on each study?" "What internal and external resources will be made available for those conducting the studies?" And those are only the juicy bits! The sentiment of all these questions can be summed up as follows: "Are you actually going to do what you said, you dirty little rat?"

Congress ain't the only ones wary of the FCC; Monday's hearing in Nashville drew hundreds of concerned members of the public, including a slew of country music stars. Porter Wagoner sauntered up to Chairman Martin at one point, real smooth-like, and mentioned that "the days of an artist receiving regional airplay or breaking as a new act on radio are gone, and you are now considering making the situation even worse by letting some broadcast dynasties become even bigger broadcasting dynasties." John Rich of Big & Rich also declared that the lack of country stations in cities like New York and Los Angeles is patently "anti-American," to which those sitting around him agreed by hocking into a spittoon.

This hearing was the second in a proposed series of six, though Martin may only be responding to questions with lewd gestures by the fourth.

Iggy and the Stooges Have a MySpace Page. I Think You Know What That Means.

Do I have to spell it out for you? It means The Stooges just finished recording that reunion album they've been talking about for so long. Iggy Pop, the Asheton brahs, and some replacement dude named Mike Watt are calling their new LP The Weirdness (Virgin). You've probably already guessed that Steve Albini produced it.

Obviously, all the kids are wondering how it's gonna sound. Speaking to Billboard, The Ig offered the following somewhat worrisome quote:

"At times, [the songs have] a lot of going for the fences," he continues. "But there's a great deal of structure and attention to detail. We were very prepared, and we always have been any time we stepped into a studio. Even the song 'L.A. Blues,' the last cut on 'Fun House,' was pretty much exactly what you would have heard if you'd seen us live the week before we recorded it."

Um, call me crazy, but isn't that the best thing about Fun House? Isn't that the very element that makes Raw Power live up to its name? I know Iggy's been clean for years now, and I'm nothing but happy for him — I mean, shit, the guy's a national treasure — but wasn't half the thrill of The Stooges the knowledge that performances were accompanied by gratis gore, courtesy of a broken cocktail glass? I reserve my judgment until I hear the album, though — and for the record, I really hope it's good.

In lieu of any real information about the track names that were recently revealed, let me give you my professional hypotheses on what the songs are about:

"Trollin' " — Little known fact: Iggy spends much of his now ample spare time on internet message boards. I don't think it comes as any surprise that he's kind of a bully.

"ATM" — This is Iggy's pet name for David Bowie. And yes, it's a love song.

"You Can't Have Friends" — And we can't have nice things.

"My Idea of Fun" — Is obviously performing shirtless.

"The Weirdness" — Refers to the fact that this album has actually been made.

"Greedy Awful People" — The arch nemesis of "Shiny Happy People."

TMT Mega-Giveaway at Enon Shows Across U.S.!!!

In honor of Enon’s upcoming U.S. tour, TMT is proud to announce our first official “TMT Mega-Giveaway” in several years. TMT M-Gs used to be fairly common, but since our last Mega-Giveaway concert didn’t go so well, we were forced to cut back.

Well, readers, it’s been too long. It’s once again that time. I’m sure you all remember how these work, but let me refresh your memory:

Step 1: Go to one of the Enon shows listed below.

Step 2: Drink heavily, both prior to and during the show.

That’s it! Only two steps! After that, send photographic evidence of yourself successfully completing the aforementioned steps to TMT headquarters, and you could be eligible to win one of several prizes -- the grand prize being a year’s subscription to TMT, absolutely free of charge. Don’t miss out on this, the deal Rupert Murdoch once called “the Reaganomics of music website giveaways!”

TMT eagerly awaits your entries:

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