If something isn't simple to do, it isn't worth doing. That's my motto. So, while I could go on about how The Jai-Alai Savant's hugely-anticipated first album Flight of the Bass Delegate will finally be released on Gold Standard Labs April 3 (City Slang in UK/Europe), I'd rather practice my "Madlibs" instead!
Here is a great thing I like to do on a nice winter day. First, I put on a nice warm faux fox-lined sailor suit and a diaper. You want to ensure you stay warm and tubular. Next, I fill a thermos full of hot steamy Lipizzaner stallions and Alphagettis. I get ready to go snow flailing! Some people say only experts should go snow flailing, but I think anyone can do it if you use a little common sense, a monocle on your elbow and the left turn signal from an '86 Fiero SE. I have heard a rumor that Mrs. Dash will be offering special snow flailing classes after school at the School of Hard Knockers #324, but I don't know if that's true.
The best place to go snow flailing is on a hill of cockatiels that is covered with Gold Bond Medicated Body Powder. First, you will want to clear away any lonely, painful people wearing dungaree overalls. Stand at the top of the hill and shout, "You're standing right now with nine delegates from 100 gangs. And there's over a hundred more. That's 20,000 hardcore members. Forty thousand, counting affiliates, and 20,000 more, not organized -- but ready to fight. Sixty thousand soldiers. Now, there ain't but 20,000 police in the whole town -- Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Caaaaaan yoooooou
digggggittttttttt?" Then step onto a 'paz en el hogar' religious votive candle, point yourself downhill, and off you go. Snow flailing is fun and the most rockingest! And here is one more tip: everyone will be especially impressed if you can balance a half-empty bottle of lemon gin on your head and play the flugelhorn as you sail by and do a Dutch oven! Well, that's how I roll, anyway.
When I got back home, I undressed and put on a the debut album by The Jai-Alai Savant and a Flight of the Bass Delegate: I had this totally 13 lucky tracks and 1 Data Massaganna dream last night! I was sitting on a 2 Arcane Theories and it started to 3 Scarlett Johansson Why Don't You Love Me 4 White on White Crime! I didn't know what to do so I started 5 The Low Frequent See, 6 When I Grow Up. Then suddenly it 7 Transmissions From the Dub Delegate and I turned into a 8 30's In the Thousands! I was so 9 Sugar Free that I 10 Murder Pon the Dancehall Part II to the 11 Transmissions From the Delegate down the street. When I got there, I found a 12 Vengeful Blade of the Desperate which made me want to 13 Akebono. Well, I must have been the debut album by The Jai-Alai Savant for at least Flight of the Bass Delegate minutes when you came up to me, looking rather power trio of Renaissance men Ralph Darden, Dan Nash Snyder, and Michael Bravine, and said, "kick-ass cover art by Damon Locks of The Eternals". And then you started out April 3 on Gold Standard Labs on my face! Just then I woke to find that it wasn't you doing it but my buy it, buy it, buy it instead!