So, my bro (or who I thought was my bro) Emceegreg wrote an article about his buddy who called in the middle of an amazing high. 'Greg, for whatever selfish reason, neglected to mention my presence at that party.
While let's say "Kirk" (the "friend" from 'Greg's story) was busying himself with every bottle of booze in the greater Muncie area, I was digesting roughly 120 mg of Adderall. In the first hour, I read my reading assignment for the next day and then proceeded to read the next five. I then went on to the private TMT message board and read everything ever posted. The clock was nearing 5 A.M. and somehow "Kirk" was still functioning. I tied a radio flyer wagon to the back of my bicycle and trailed "Kirk" to Wal-Mart. We purchased 17 cans of yellow primer spray paint, four push-pops, a two-liter of Mountain Dew, and the most recent Kaiser Chiefs album.
We made it back to the house in tiger speed. We fetched a boom box from my room and set everything out on the porch. The first can of spray paint was used to try to make a blowtorch. That was unsuccessful. Next, we each took a can and huffed until our noses ran like rivers. "Kirk" took another can and, with push-pop in mouth, made a map of the stars on my front lawn. All the while, the Kaiser Chiefs are playing, and I'm thinking, "My god, have I really hit rock bottom?"
The sun started peering over the eastern tree line. "Kirk" had covered his entire torso with yellow paint and began quoting remnants of Descartes. I told him he was making a scene and the cops were most likely going to take us away. He told me if I didn't quit playing "shitty Brit-rock," he was going to "take me away." The joke was on him, though, because in his mess of liquor and my clinical exactness induced by Adderall, I had managed to order $450 worth of tickets for the Kaiser Chiefs fall tour.
And now the tour is cancelled.
Cancelled Tour Dates, Suckas!
09.18.07 - Dallas, TX - House Of Blues
09.19.07 - Houston, TX - Warehouse Live
09.21.07 - Nashville, TN - City Hall
09.22.07 - Atlanta, GA - The Roxy
09.24.07 - Chicago, IL - Cabaret Metro
09.25.07 - Detroit, MI - Majestic Theatre
09.26.07 - Toronto, ONT - Carlu Theatre
The two shows that are still on:
09.14.07 - Austin, TX - Austin City Limits Festival
09.29.07 - New York, NY - Beacon Theatre
Oh, and Emceegreg, if you pass me up to hang out with Mr P again, I'll cut you.