Kanye West Allegedly Releasing New Album in September; Connections to Psychic Friends Network Deemed Tenuous-at-Best by Mr P

Dear Diary:

In case anyone regurgitates this diary entry for a Tiny Mix Tapes news story, I'll mark the specific date: It's May 29, 2005 as I write this. I'm driving home from the Sasquatch Festival with my girlfriend, who will likely not be my girlfriend for very much longer. We're at that point, y'know? That time in a relationship where I'd rather polish my porpoise to Max Hardcore than wax her behind, and she'd rather argue about the fine points of post-rock than welcome my half-limp sock puppet into the folds of her vajheen. Worst of all, she betrayed me yesterday. I was all 6s and 7s over getting to see Pixies live, and I did, but she went back to the camp area with a bunch of indie-lite D-bags we know from school after the first song. JUDAS. I don't care how many times people bash the Pixies reunion and how over-the-hill Kim Deal is; my man Black-but-white Francis is a joy to witness live. So yeah, my girlfriend really lost some points yesterday. Something tells me I'll drift through a few more relationships before marrying and impregnating an Argentine temptress after an impromptu meeting at Kinko's. In fact I'd bet my life on it.

I also have a feeling Kanye West -- despite an amazin' performance at Sasquatch yesterday -- is going DOWN (down-down-down, Kanye's goin' down). Call me crazy, but I anticipate the release of an album called Graduation farrrr in the future... say, September 2007-ish, that will feature a cameo from Chris Martin and a collaborative thrust or two from Jon Brion, who, er, will probably also work with West on an album that I predict will be called Late Registration and released in August of this year (which, I assure you, is 2005). Again, West was AWESOME at Sasquatch yesterday -- and I really mean that -- but he's gonna get all fruity on us in a few years. I'll bet the new album (the one coming out in 2007, stay with me here) will have lame lyrics, like, say, something like this: "I had a dream I could buy my way to heaven/ When I woke I spent that on a necklace/ I told God I'd be back there in a secon/ Man, it's so hard not to act reckless."

No, I'm not Jamerican and I don't work for Psychic Friends Network (yet), but I can tell you, in the words of the immortal ODB, that I speaks the troof to da yoof, and here's the troof: Better start wearin' bullet-proof! Well, I guess that's about i- .... Oh god, Oh lord, oh mama... I think I just had another future flash... It's just how my mom describes a hot flash, but it's neither hot nor a flash; it's more of a vision. I see... I see... Haley Joel Osment, eating a nice hoagie... I see... I see... the third season of Lost REALLY HEATING UP... I see... I see... Gerardo singing and performing at a Macaroni Grill... I see... I see ... West playing a 'Bluesfest'?... Mang.

Tourdates:
07.07.07 - Rutherford, NJ - Meadowlands Sports Complex - Giants Stadium, East
07.12.07 - Gilford, NH - Meadowbrook U.S. Cellular Pavilion
07.14.07 - Ottawa, Ontario - Cisco Ottawa Bluesfest
08.18.07 - Chelmsford - V Festival – Hylands Park
08.19.07 - Staffordshire - V Festival – Weston Park

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