Karl “The Architect” Rove Designs New Mates of State Album, Kori And Jason Forced To Record, Tour

Two weeks ago, Karl Rove left his White House Deputy Chief of Staff and senior advisor positions in a teary farewell. The Republican campaign wunderkind known as "The Architect" no longer serves at the pleasure of the President, and rumors of his future swirled without any regard for aerodynamics around the news media and Rove's husky body. What would he do? Where would he go? President Bush stood by his side, metaphorically arm-in-arm, as Rove dropped his bomb. If we could have heard Rove's thoughts at that moment, it surely would have been like the scene from the Brendan Frasier vehicle, The Mummy, in which Brendan's hired hand reassures him with the inspirational line, "Your strength gives me strength." And as Rove walked off into the sunset, bags packed and heart broken, America looked on, wondering whether Karl, Dear Karl, would ever love again.

Well, I am happy to report that, yes, Karl Rove has landed on his feet. It turns out, throughout his time in the White House as the professor of Dark Arts, Rove kept a delightfully upbeat paramour. His mistress: Music. His genre: Seduction!

Rove, split from the President, has poured all that broken love into his new project: Mates of State! That's right, Karl, Dear Karl, has joined forces with Kori and Jason, the only two people who have as much love as he. The new addition has not been without its headaches. Karl is an incorrigible alpha-male, and he can't shake his Architect role, leading to hilarious sitcom-like scenarios that I've coyly called "Karl's Snarls."

It sounds like bad news, but boy oh boy, our Dear Karl is whipping those Mates of State into action. Because of Karl, and Karl alone, the group has gone back into the recording studio. They've recorded three tunes with Chris Walla, wow! A new album is under construction. Meticulously crafted, 9/11 security-themed, and deliciously raucous and poppy, Karl is a little bit Mies van der Rohe, a little bit rock ‘n’ roll.

Karl is in a good place now, and Mates of State, bless their souls, are in an even better place because of him. They're even going on a tiny mix tour with some sweet acoustic shows. It's a short list, so don't expect a show at the White House anytime soon. A breakup is always hard, and everyone needs time to heal. Karl's love is too strong to keep him down; luckily Mates of State caught it, for their sake and ours.

When I was growing up, Ma and Pa always used to argue over who made the cranberry sauce last Thanksgiving. Then Pa would edit the family Wikipedia page to say he was the one who had prepared the popular sauce. The next time the argument arose, he would shovel some coal into the back of the computer, screw on the internet hose, and turn the crank until the web browser was warm enough to display his self-made “evidence.” This method worked year after year. Ma could never prove that Pa had made the edit, as she was far too busy ordering looms from the Sears Roebuck catalog to trace his IP address.

Last week, things changed for us simple country folk, when a young upstart by the name of Virgil Griffith launched the website WikiScanner. Combining the Wikipedia database and the IP2Location database into a single search function, Griffith created a tool capable of determining the networks from which specific edits were made. While WikiScanner does not do anything that was not already possible, it makes the process far more efficient, thus unlocking its true potential (much like a six-chamber butter churn or an automated hog-feeder).

A variety of interesting edits have already been found: A user within Disney’s network deleted criticism of Digital Rights Management software, which is used by Disney. A computer owned by the pharmaceutical company AstraZeneca was used to delete references to claims that its product Seroquel made teenagers “more likely to think about harming or killing themselves.” And the motherfucker who ruined the end of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was working for the Republican Party.

It doesn’t end there. A multitude of edits have been made from within the networks of the FBI, CIA, BBC, Vatican, and, surprise surprise, the major music groups. The editing histories of EMI, Sony BMG, Universal Music Group, Warner Music Group mostly consist of adding links to official artist pages or corrections to the spelling of Steve Guttenberg’s biography. The one edit that stands out was made from a computer at Universal, adding the following two paragraphs to the page on “Copyright”:

“Authors and owners of intellectual properties throughout the ages have tried to direct and control how works would be used. Mozart's patron, Baroness von Waldstätten, allowed his compositions to be freely performed, while Handel's patron (George I, the first of the Hanoverian kings) jealously guarded 'Water Music.'

"Access control was always used as a measure to disallow intellectual property from being distributed without the consent of the author/owner. The [?Library of Alexandria] (aka "The Kings Library") wasn't a place that an average person could walk into and lend a book from. Ptolemy III paid the sum of fifteen talents of silver to be allowed to copy the works of Aeschylus, Sophocles and Euripides."

It appears as if someone at Universal was trying to create a subtle historical case for the use of DRM (They’re right! We should have to pay for the library!). Whether this represents a grand scheme within the company or simply the actions of a rogue employee is indeterminable. All that is required to “trick” WikiScanner is an internet connection with an unfamiliar IP address. (I personally like to steal my neighbor’s wireless when I add boners to John Mayer’s Wikipedia entry.) While the major record labels have proven somewhat slow on the technological uptake in the past, it would be unrealistic to declare that the inner workings of Wikipedia must therefore escape them entirely. One should consider that the labels might already have separate IP addresses for editing Wikipedia and other sneaky internet business, which would beg reconsideration of the edits that WikiScanner has turned up. The very fact that we are able to trace them to a recognizable network could imply that they were not sanctioned by the higher-ups, but rather made by a single employee who was still bored after every Penny Arcade strip and Colbert Report clip available.

Wired has setup up an ongoing crowdsourcing effort to uncover more interesting Wikipedia edits. As for Griffith, he now plans to utilize the “treasure trove of information that people give away” on social networking sites. When I was growing up, we got our RSS feed updates via telegram. These days, even small, private, farming communities like Facebook could become sources of public information.

Scott Herren Hates The Internet

Elton John may have found an ally in his bold fight against technology, web comics, "all your base belong to us," and pictures of kittens speaking with poor grammar for no apparent reason; Guillermo Scott Herren (Prefuse 73, Savath & Savalas, Delarosa & Asora, A Could Mireya, Piano Overlord, and maybe Ahmad Szabo [still not totally sure on that one]) has announced that he abhors technology (that is not directly involved in the construction of supremely crunchy beats) and will do all he can to prevent its proliferation.

Reportedly, Herren was trying out his new catch phrase ("I has maked you a kookie... but I eated it") at a recent show in Brooklyn when the room was promptly flooded by twenty-somethings in ytmnd.com and homestar runner tees. In an effort to keep his audiences as isolated from internet trends as possible, Herren has announced (via skywriting plane, strategically placed billboards, and short-wave radios) that the full version of his upcoming Prefuse 73 album, Preparations, will only be available through physical retailers.

"Techheads will of course still be able to take a trip to Glitchtopia® when purchasing the album online. However, the only ones who will get the the full experience will be those kicking it so old school that they're stopping by their local Coconuts Music to pick up my disc... though I'm not totally sure chains stock my wares or if my fans have access to a local, independently owned record store," Herren was quoted as saying at the recent ILFSFOFCTPNRAPRY!ATGHYBHWANFODUYWOAHDCTWBF (International Luddite Forum Specifically Focusing On Forcing Consumers To Purchase New Records At Physical Retailers, Yup! Also To Get Here You Better Have Walked And Not Flown Or Drove. Unless You Were On A Horse Drawn Carriage. That Would Be Fine).

For those of you gobbling up the AACs at the iTunes music store, expect the following tracks, but not Herren's respect or approval, on October 23:

Preparations

Apparently, the transportation rules of the ILFSFOFCTPNRAPRY!ATGHYBHWANFODUYWOAHDCTWBF do not apply to guest speakers, as Herren will be jet-setting throughout the world on his upcoming tour. His touring schedule makes me feel like a myopic asshole, as I do not even know what hemisphere the third tour stop is in

09.07.07 - Boulder, Co - Boulder Theatre (DJ Set)
09.13.07 - Sao Paulo, Sao Paulo - SESC Pompeia
09.14.07 - Recife Pernambuco - Recife - No Ar Coquetel Molotov - Teatro da UFPE
09.20.07 - London, Ontario - LOLA Outdoor Stage
10.14.07 - Dublin - Whelans
10.15.07 - Leeds - Room 237
10.16.07 - London - Scala
10.17.07 - Manchester - Apollo 2 *
10.18.07 - Brighton - Audio
10.19.07 - Reims - Electricity Festival
10.23.07 - Fribourg - Fri-Son
10.24.07 - Geneve - Usine
11.15.07 - Tampa, FL - Crowbar
11.16.07 - Miami, FL - Studio A
11.17.07 - Orlando, FL - The Social
11.18.07 - Tallahassee, FL - The Beta Bar
11.19.07 - Birmingham, AL - Bottletree
11.21.07 - Atlanta, GA - Drunken Unicorn
11.23.07 - Washington DC - Black Cat
11.25.07 - Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church Sanctuary
11.26.07 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom
11.27.07 - Boston, MA - Paradise
11.29.07 - Buffalo, NY - Mohawk Place
11.30.07 - Detroit, MI - Magic Stick
12.01.07 - Chicago, IL - Empty Bottle
12.03.07 - Missoula, MT - The Badlander
12.05.07 - Bellingham, WA - The Nightlight Lounge
12.06.07 - Seattle, WA - Nuemo's
12.07.07 - Portland, OR - Holocene
12.08.07 - San Francisco, CA - Slims

* Battles & Dirty Projectors

Ticketmaster and Live Nation Go The Way Of Brad & Jennifer, Whitney & Bobby, Reese & Ryan; High-Profile Divorce Rocks The Corporate Boat

Where exactly are our family values? In another blow to the American ethics system at the hands of high-profile celebrity couples, the country's most greedy ticket retailer, Ticketmaster, and its concert promoter beau, Live Nation, have halted negotiations, indicating a likely split come the end of the pair's contractual obligations in 2008. Per the Wall Street Journal, House of Blues venues and their parent company Live Nation accounted for nearly 20% of Ticketmaster's $1.1 billion generated last year. Ticketmaster, who's responsible for almost half of all ticket sales in North America, has sought to retain a level of autocratic control over sales, while Live Nation hopes to center more ticket-buying around their own website. Let's just call it irreconcilable differences.

Less of a couple than a money-grubbing corporate conglomerate, the pair have done their best to rid the concert-going public of any semblance of options, damning music fans from coast to coast and beyond to outlandish "service" charges and "processing" fees with few viable, or convenient, alternatives. Even TicketWeb, ostensibly a substitute, shares parent company IAC/InterActiveCorp with Ticketmaster. All this in the name of supporting "venues" that veer more toward tourist traps, the House Of Blues pairing stages with family dining and $15 hamburgers.

While the divorce is far from final (and what of the children!?), it has been reported that Live Nation Chief Bigwig Michael Rapino is considering his own ticketing venture as a way to pad profits, barring a reconciliation. So while the two industry behemoths jockey for position, I am reminded of the tagline for the fine feature film, 2004's Alien vs. Predator. "Whoever wins... we lose."

Bill Callahan Tours with Sir Richard Bishop, Callahan and Bishop To Wear Matching Leisure Suits At Bitch-Tappin’ After Parties While Head-Bobbing to Theme from A Night at the Roxbury; Pregnant Lady in Pool Competition

Our favorite sticky-hot low-fi cinnamon bun, Oh-baby-baby Bill Callahan has added tourdates with Sir Richard Bishop.

Not confirmed, but so worth E! coverage: For Callahan and Bishop, making their way to autumn’s most ass-slappin’ after parties, it’s all about Mr. Brady-style leisure suits! Mmmmm. And we all know where wearing a fly leisure suit leads, ladies and gents.

You: No, AJ. To be honest, I don’t know where wearing a leisure suit can lead. Your humor is digressive, and I don’t understand where you’re going with this considering the basis of your news story is purely Bill Callahan and Sir Richard Bishop wearing leisure suits to score babes, which isn’t true or plausible. While leisure suits are funny, the humor of this story isn’t even related to Bill Callahan or Sir Richard Bishop specifically, making me, as a reader, wonder: what’s wrong? AJ, I’m worried! Are you too busy with your mid-level job as a local news reporter for me, a TMT reader? Are you rushing through this article right now, so you can finish your human interest story on a lady that is seven months pregnant and in the women’s pool U.S. Open? Did you, in your interview with the lady that is seven months pregnant and in the women’s pool U.S. Open, ask how she manages to keep her stomach from touching the pool table, as is the law of the land in pro pool?
Why don’t you, AJ, just tell me where wearing a leisure suit can lead, so I can get on with plucking my eyebrows, eating bon-bons, and watching soaps while you save the world, one journalistic wonder at a time.

Where leisure suits lead, once unbuttoned: Indie-lovahhhhhh: Oh Bill! We’re fogging up the car windows! I’ll throw my hand to the glass like Rose from Titanic. I’m usually not this easy, but, oh, THAT LEISURE SUIT! Please, Bill, please! Play another Rick Springfield cover! You know how “Jessie’s Girl” makes me sticky-hot, my favorite low-fi cinnamon bun!

And she’s loving him with that body, I just know it:
09.01.07 - Athens, GA - 40 Watt Club
09.02.07 - Asheville, NC - Grey Eagle
09.05.07 - Pittsburgh, PA - Andy Warhol Museum
09.06.07 - Brooklyn, NY - Southpaw
09.07.07 - New York, NY - Highline Ballroom
09.08.07 - Boston, MA - Museum of Fine Arts
09.09.07 - Montreal, PQ - La Sala Rossa*
09.11.07 - Toronto, ON - Phoenix Concert Theatre** Music Gallery
09.12.07 - Toronto, ON - Phoenix Concert Theatre
09.13.07 - Grand Rapids, MI - The Breakroom
09.14.07 - Chicago, IL - Lakeshore Theater
09.17.07 - Omaha, NE – The Slowdown
10.07.07 - San Francisco, CA - Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival$
10.07.07 - San Francisco, CA - The Independent
10.09.07 - Portland, OR - Mission Theater
10.10.07 - Seattle, WA - Triple Door
10.18.07 - Vancouver, BC – Vancouver New Music Festival#

$ just Callahan

# just Bishop

More TBA dates slotted for Sir Richard Bishop, as soon as Mr. Brady finishes reading Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Atmosphere to Tour, Everybody to Love a Clown, Or Like a Clown as a Friend and Occasionally Hook Up

Our favorite sticky-crunchy-spicy-good tasty bits o’ bombast Ant and Slug are set to embark on their most recent touring endeavor, Everybody Loves a Clown (aptly named after Sad Clown Bad Fall Number 10, the newest notch in Atmosphere’s Sad Clown EP belt). Additionally, Atmosphere aims to release their next album When Life Gives You Lemons... in 2008: which gives our boys some time to consider actually, in all seriousness, naming an album that.

Seriously.

Everybody may not love a clown, then, boys.

It’s not you, it’s me; Something suddenly came up; Sticky-crunchy-spicy-good tourdates:

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