Kevin Barnes Ain’t Got Nothin’ on Rammstein’s Two-Disc DVD Release

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Rammstein is set to release a two-disc DVD set titled Volkerball September 18. Keep your cursor over the image above to find out why you must own it.

(By the way, it isn't real.)

The Shins are über popular now, and if you don't know who they are, whatever, you're lying -- but if you really don't, then just go to Wal-Mart and pick up one of their albums. Their popularity, as you all know, rose to ridiculous heights because of Zach Braff's Garden State and, specifically, Natalie Portman's namedropping. So, in an effort to finally put an end to this mention in every single news story, feature, and review ever written post-Garden State, I stuck the dialogue from the famous/infamous scene into Babel Fish (a finality if there ever was one) and translated it into German and then re-translated back into English.

Let me set the scene for you. Zach Braff walks into the doctor's office; Natalie Portman is in the waiting room. She's awkward and hot. Zach Braff is just plain awkward, so she sparks a conversation with him. Fast-forward through the conversation to the part where Natalie talks about little people in the movies...

Natalie: It sucks, although, because it gives, that, you do not know much work for small people? Anyway I speak too much. I become straight... They received to fill your forms out.

Zach: To what do you hear?

Natalie: The Shins. They know it?

Zach: No.

Natalie: They received to hear this a song. It changes your life. I am sad. They must... They received to fill your forms out. Do you think that you hear, uh... possibly could, while you fill your forms out?

Zach: I think that I can touch it.

Natalie: Yeah? Ok.

Zach: It is good. I like it.

Check out the Shins this fall in these cities:
09.01.07 - Seattle, WA - Bumbershoot Festival
09.02.07 - Chicago, IL - Download Festival
10.05.07 - Berkeley, CA - Greek Theatre *
10.06.07 - Santa Barbara, CA - Santa Barbara Bowl *
10.07.07 - Los Angeles, CA - Greek Theatre *
10.09.07 - Mesa, AZ - Mesa Amphitheater *
10.10.07 - Albuquerque, NM - Popejoy Hall (University of New Mexico)
10.17.07 - Atlanta, GA - Boisfeuillet Jones Atlanta Civic Center
10.18.07 - Charleston, SC - The Plex #
10.19.07 - Raleigh, NC - Progress Energy Center (Raleigh Memorial Auditorium)
10.20.07 - Norfolk, VA - The NorVa #
10.22.07 - Columbia, MD - Merriweather Post Pavilion #
10.23.07 - New York, NY - Terminal Five #
10.24.07 - New York, NY - Terminal Five #
10.27.07 - Las Vegas, NV - Sam Boyd Stadium (Vegoose Festival)
10.28.07 - Las Vegas, NV - The Joint at Hard Rock Hotel

* The Shaky Hands

# Vetiver

RIAA Takes Congress To Ruby Tuesday, Subtly Hints At Maybe Just Dropping The Whole Legal Proceedings Thing, Gets Stuck With $650,000 Bill

It was reported by Digital Music News that the RIAA, recently christened as part of the Axis of Evil, spent $650,000 on lobbying expenses in the first half of 2007. Is that a lot? Well, in 2006, the RIAA spent $1.5 million, Time Warner spent almost $3.8 million, and the National Cable & Telecommunications Association tops the TV/movies/music category at $14 million. This year, the RIAA is on pace to spend $1.3 million. So, yes, that is a lot, but the disgusting part to begin with is how much money is put into lawmaking by people who are not lawmakers.

Total Lobbying Spending for 2006: $2.55 billion. WTF America! Half of that is the wide category of pharmaceuticals and health products, which should make everyone wonder (again) about the role of the Food and Drug Adminstration. I saw something in the grocery store called Bio-Kult, and aside from seeming absolutely revolting and sounding like a name for an international crime syndicate, I am really skeptical that this cultured dairy probiotic energy drink, with its three-fingered alligator logo, is anywhere close to being safe. Lump that in with the ever-growing list of questionable yogurt products like Go-Gurt and Yogo-Bits and the vast list of genetically modified foods, and we will seriously need to reassess what we mean by "food."

So, could the RIAA be any better? Isn't DRM just another three-fingered alligator and payola its yogurt-related cousin? How are these things getting through to the consumer? Well, $1.5 million is certainly no $1.1 billion, but proportionately, they may very well be comparable -- ethically, it is all the same. There's nothing new in the moral gray area that is lobbying and its stranglehold on how laws are made, but when these things are hitting us, really hitting us, maybe we should fight back.

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Title: Thunder Clap

Subtitle: BIO-KULT HEADQUARTERS. SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA.

"Leader! The American youth is upset. They're rousing the rabble as we speak! What do we do?"

"I knew this day would come. To the Lipitor-Mobile! Everyone, lobby like this is your last day on Earth. Those Washington fat cats need milk to delightfully lap up, and by god, that milk better be our fortified, enriched, cultured bacteria dairy product!"

A Brief History of The Go! Team, As Told By You or Someone You Know

September 2004: Debut Thunder, Lightning, Strike winds up on your hard drive -- you listen to a tune and kinda dig it.

November 2004: You finally get around to listening to the record and – after reading the TMT review – tell everyone it’s good.

December 2004: You make a half-assed attempt to get the UK import, fail, and then spend the $20 on a Keystone 30-rack (if you’re in college) or a case of PBR (if you’re in Brooklyn). Merry Christmas.

September 2005: The stateside re-release of debut Thunder, Lightning, Strike winds up on your hard drive – you listen to a tune and kinda dig it.

October 2005: You publicly refuse to buy the American version because “the samples aren’t as good” and “the bonus tracks suck.”

2006: Nothing happens.

Spring 2007: You see “Huddle Formation” on a Civic commercial and feel vindicated for not giving “those f-in’ sell outs” any of your money.

July 2007: Sophomore album Proof of Youth winds up on your hard drive – you listen to a tune and kinda dig it.

August 2007: You publicly refuse to see the band live because “they’re not as good in concert”:

* Inrocks Tour

“That’s All, Folks!” Warner Considers Going Private

Apparently Kid Rock just ain't sellin like he used to these days.

According to a New York Post report last week, Warner Music (yes, the home of such major leaguers as Madonna and the Bullgod himself) is giving serious consideration to swan-divin' it down the proverbial rabbit hole that is Private Ownership to avoid the very same bungling but tenacious hunter that has been whomping many other wascally major label wabbits: falling stock prices, negative sentiment for the industry, and a steady decline of CD sales, all of which are, according to Warner's Understatements Department, "frustrating the company's financial backers."

The news follows a decision by rival EMI Group Plc to accept a private-equity buyout after that company and Warner spent several years flirting (platonically) with the idea of a merger or takeover.

But don't start blogging away about the impending fall of the industry just yet (well... okay, go ahead), because the going-private discussion at Warner Music is, according to Warner's Carefully Worded Vagaries Department, "understood to be in its infancy." Awww, and who doesn't love a cute, little baby?? Uh, but all images of adorable infants aside, Warner Music shares have lost more than 50% of their value in the past year. That's one-half, kids. Ain't nothin' cute about that.

"And what about the whole Digital Music pony?" you ask. Welllllll, let's just say that she won't be keeping the bread in Warner's mouth anytime soon. Last Tuesday, the company posted a wider-than-expected quarterly loss as growth in digital revenue failed to make up for declining CD sales, sending its shares down as much as 10% -- a new low.

In 2004, Time Warner Inc. sold the music company for $2.6 billion to an investor group led by Thomas H. Lee Partners, Edgar Bronfman, Bain Capital and Providence Equity Partners. These brilliant financial clairvoyants decided to take Warner Music public in 2005. Although, to be fair, the three private equity groups still own about 62% of the company anyway. Still, that's some expensive egg to have on your face

On the plus side, the capsizing company's shares actually rose $1.22 to $11.11 on the New York Stock Exchange when the announcement was made, after trading as high as $11.34 earlier in the session.

That's called irony, I think.

Any Major Dude Will Tell You, Montag Rocks Hard

Oh yes, I know you like reading this wikkid site. Your interest was somewhat piqued by the headline above, and you do have an inquiring mind when it comes to album and tour news, don’tch’yall? Well, I could go on and try to come up with something witty about how marvelous multi-disciplinarian Montag, or Antoine Bédard, will be touring in support of his latest Carpark Records effort Going Places and how he will have a new tour remix EP available at each date called Gone Places that will no doubt knock everybody’s socks off when they hear it, just like all of his previous efforts have, and how he is always approaching that rarely-reached ideal of making “total art” with every new record, blah, blah. That is all true, but that is not what you really want, is it? You want something a bit rougher around the edges. You crave something to get you through the day without having to mete out all sorts of Falling Down-style beatings to the flakes and phonies you encounter on your daily travels. I know! I’m right! Well, here it is. You’re welcome, by the way.

Judas Priest - “Screaming for Vengeance”

Hey listen don't you let 'em get your mind

Fill your brain with orders and that's not right

They're playing at a game that draws you closer

’Til you're living in a world that's ruled by fear

Always takin' baby out that's o.k.

What they're givin' maybe it's out of phase with me

Told you once you're never gonna win the race

Same old no tomorrow kicked in the face

We are screaming for vengeance

The world is a manacled place

Screaming, screaming for vengeance

The world is defiled in disgrace

Tie a blindfold all around your head

Spin you round in the torture before the dread

And then you're pushed and shoved into every corner

Then they lead you out into the final slaughter

As the sweat is running down your neck

All your praying for's to stop you body breakin' up

Oh your heart is pumping gonna soon explode

Got to fight the horror of this mental load

We are screaming for vengeance

The world is a manacled place

Screaming, screaming for vengeance

The world is defiled in disgrace

So you wait it out and bide your time

Rip off that straight jacket gotta break that line

Everyone who wins in the great escape

Leaves a thousand more who suffer in their wake

I don't talk about it but that's alright

Table's turned now there's a revenge in sight

If it takes forever babe I tell ya I can wait

Send them screaming back through their hell's own gate

We are screaming for vengeance

The world is a manacled place

Screaming, screaming for vengeance

The world is defiled in disgrace

Montag’s remix/tour EP called Gone Places...

1. Le Super-flash Bang Statement
2. Safe in Sound (Lullatone remix)
3. Le Musée National des bonheurs qui ne durent pas
4. Cross the River
5. Nord sud est oust
6. Alice (Boy in Static remix)
7. Gong Places

...will be available to at these Montag tourdates:
08.15.07 - San Francisco, CA - Rickshaw Stop *
08.16.07 - Portland, OR - Holocene *
08.17.07 - Eugene, OR - Wow Hall #
08.20.07 - Seattle, WA - Sunset Tavern *
08.21.07 - Missoula, MT - The Badlander #
08.23.07 - Denver, CO - Mercury Cafe *
08.24.07 - Des Moines, IA - Vaudeville Mews *
08.25.07 - Milwaukee, WI - Cactus Club *
08.27.07 - Chicago, IL - Empty Bottle (free show) *
08.28.07 - Detroit, MI - Scrummage University *
08.29.07 - Cleveland Heights, OH - B-Side Liquor Lounge *
08.30.07 - Hamilton, Ontario - Pepper Jack Cafe *
09.02.07 - Montreal, Quebec - Casa del Popolo *
09.05.07 - Boston, MA - Middle East *
09.06.07 - Brooklyn, NY - Union Hall *
09.07.07 - Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church *
09.09.07 - Washington, DC - DC9 *

* The One AM Radio & Lymbyc System

# The One AM Radio, Lymbyc System & The Race

  

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