Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett working on an album of jazz duets! Nutty, cuckoo, super jazz duets!

Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett working on an album of jazz duets! Nutty, cuckoo, super jazz duets!

Quick! If there’s two struggling, minor-player celebrities out there who could both use a serious boost to their public profiles and would therefore be savvy to pool their totally like-minded creative visions and unfortunately limited PR resources to the mutual benefit of both of their criminally under-examined careers, who would they be?

Exactly! Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett.

I know, I know; you’ve probably never heard of either of those artists, but trust me when I tell you (based on my research as a music journalist) that these are two hungry crooners that both have something to prove, and this collaborative album thing that FACT reported on earlier is sure to go a long way in busting their audience bases wide open. All they gotta do is think of a genre that everyone likes and takes seriously… hmm… HMM………… Eureka! Fuckin’ JAZZ. Everyone likes that shit. This is gonna go over like gangbusters, I can feel it. What a good use of everyone’s time, talent, energy, focus, and resources! Recently, I met up with one of the struggling singers, Mr. Bennett, outside of his Clarion in Windsor to get some serious HARD FACTS about the situation.

Hey, why don’t you explain the auspicious details of how such a potent stick of creative dynamite was born, Tony Bennett?

“Of all things, she called me from New Zealand and said, ‘I want to do a jazz album with you.’ And I said, ‘You got it!’ So that’s one of the things we’re gonna do.”

Uh. Any- anything else? Like, what’s the instrumentation like?

”[…] a big swing band.”

Oh. Cool. Well, like, I remember that you guys did do that one Rodgers and Heart tune together last year for your Duets II record. Whose standards are you singing this time? Probably some real classics, eh?

I can’t mention the composer because I don’t want anybody to do it before we do it, but there’s a great composer that’s very underrated, very famous, but not as famous as Gershwin or Porter. But he did as many hit songs as anybody, and so we’re gonna do a big swinging album.

Hmm. Well, when is this big swinging album coming out?

Wait, you haven’t started it yet?

Oh. When are you, y’know, gonna do that?

as soon as I can.

• Lady Gaga:
• Tony Bennett: