The Long Blondes Tour To Support New LP; What, You Have A Better Way Of Doing It?

Sheffield, England quintet The Long Blondes came on all fast and enticing last time with their much-loved LP from 2006, Someone To Drive You Home (Rough Trade), which was chocked full of advice for women, a little admonishment for men, and hooks for everyone. If you can think of three better bands than Pulp, Blondie, and New Order to combine, you let me know. Actually, let The LBs know; it was their idea.

With their new record Couples (TMT Review), the deck is now slightly reshuffled. They now play the part of the cool cucumbers (particularly singer/audience focal point Kate Jackson), who possible suitors shouldn't even try to pin down, a whirlwind that might include you one minute and not the next. One element that definitely is included in these possibly autobiographical songs is the synthesizer, which vies with the guitar for attention on Couples.

To find out if the band can walk the effortlessly cool walk in person, let me direct you to their North American tour, which will be comin' atcha about a week after that hot platter drops (Warning: if the way you talk resembles that last sentence, you are nether effortless nor cool, just so you know. Do you hear me, Gary?). You can brave the throngs of style-mavens and admirers when the tour starts May 14 in Philly, with support from two-piece twang-rock cuties Drug Rug.

Tourdates:

* Drug Rug

America’s New Favorite Holiday, Record Store Day, Premieres to Mostly Good Results

Confession time: I am a local news JUNKIE. I love their low-budget advertising campaigns. I love their cheesy news anchor banter. And I especially love to reminisce about hard-hitting, in-depth investigations. One of my personal favorites was a shocking story concerning Red Bull and Jagermeister, and how downing a ton of the shit can be bad for you. But how bad? The consensus of the story was "we don't really know how bad, but let's just say pretty bad, because you wouldn't really think it'd be good for you, would you?"

That's kind of the verdict of a recent Billboard report on America's new favorite holiday, Record Store Day. Except the consensus of this story is more along the lines of "we don't really know how good, but let's just say pretty good, because you wouldn't really think it'd be bad, would you?" Evidence points toward Record Store Day charting somewhere around "kick ass" on the "good" scale, but opinions differ. Nielsen SoundScan results for the inaugural Record Store Day, held April, 19, 2008, reveal that sales for indie stores rose 1.6% from the previous year while chain stores' sales dropped 20.8% from 2007. Sounds good right? Well, album sales dropped 8.1% for the week.

Store owners held varying opinions as to the effectiveness of Record Store Day. In Philadelphia, overall indie record store sales were up 13% from the previous week, and in the San Francisco-Oakland-San Jose area sales were up 12%. Special events such as the Metallica in-store at Mountain View, CA's Rasputin's drew 400 people and added significantly to the figures. Statistics varied across the country, with the Boston area reporting a 4% increase in sales and Nashville-based Grimey's experiencing a 400% increase. At the same time, however, some stores reported no surges in business whatsoever, and some, such as Atlanta's Criminal Records, reported an 18% decrease from the week before. Indie store managers in some locations were uncertain whether sales were up due to nice weather, amazing Record Store Day tie-ins, or Boston area creeps' desire to watch Dresden Doll Amanda Collins paint her underwear.

Bill Callahan to Tour, Me to Not Make Fun of Him, Find Happiness, Appreciate Life, Subsequently Appreciate High Art

The truth is, dear gents: There’s nothing us ladies love more than an elusive, ever-smoggy dude repping deep commitment to, um, sound. Ah, sweet instrumental sincerity!

Callahan's tourin' with Swell Season and Alasdair Roberts.

Stealing hearts (abroad!), taking names:

* Swell Season

# Alasdair Roberts

Glitter and Doom Await Tom Waits’ No-Coast Fans

Monday, May 5, Tom Waits held a press conference:

Yes, you heard right, Waits’ 13-date tour forgetfully bypasses 42 of the U.S.’ 50 largest cities. What bad luck. Maybe the whole thing is just an excuse for Tom to stop by that really great diner in Tulsa or to visit Aunt Bea in Mobile.

Now, instead of making the drive you’re thinking of making, I have a few suggestions for you. Get your money, go to a bank, put your money in that bank, use your plastic card to get that money in small usable increments to spend on things like groceries and beer, try to use another bank’s ATM and get charged $4 for the convenience, put your elbow through the glass of the ATM’s screen, DON’T YOU KNOW IT’S A RECESSION PEOPLE. ITS ABOUT DRUGS NOT TRAINS WAKE UP!!! PAECE BABY OLIVER BABY OLIVER THANKX GOD. F*CK IPOD TRY SOME WAX WAKE UP! 1972 NYC BORN AND RAISED.

Tom Waits Glitter and Doom Tour:

My Bloody Valentine Need New Pair of Shoegaze, Announce North American Tour!

Living in North America just got a little sweeter. My Bloody Valentine announced today that their country club set in upstate New York for All Tomorrow’s Parties won't be an isolated appearance (TMT News), as The Roseland Ballroom receives the honor of being the second stop on My Bloody Valentine’s first North American tour in 16 flippin’ years! I’m so excited I stopped doing actual work, closed Gawker.com, and jammed on my headphones to listen to Loveless. (BTW, headphones are totes against the rules at the Real Job.)

Tickets aren’t listed yet, but I would advise keeping a close watch on the MBV website and doing a ceremonial chant or five. And this might be pushing it, but our luck seems to be on the up-and-up, so maybe Patti Smith will decide to relive her two onstage experiences with Kevin Shields in ’05 and ’06, documented on The Coral Sea (TMT News). Eh?

My Bloody Valentine tourdates:

Gossip Tour, Tell All

David Letterman appearances, MTV's Artist of the Week... just who the blue fuck does Beth Ditto think she is? Brilliant and bodacious, you say? I'd be inclined to agree. The Gossip just released a full-length live album on Kill Rock Stars, aptly titled Live in Liverpool, and it can be yours and yours alone if you click here.

What's more, The Gossip have done something totally weird and booked a tour in support of the live licks. Freaks. I mean, what do you expect from people who wanted Daisy to win Rock of Love 2? COME ON!

I bet Ambre would listen to The Gossip:

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