Here at TMT, I am like the guy who sleeps on the couch and puts in little input. I don't even pay rent. Actually, I'm writing this right now in my Little Bill pajamas at the TMT offices in Brooklyn. As I twirl my hair with my grotesquely long penis*, I am thinking of what would make an article about M83 special.
I mean, what could I possibly say about M83, a.k.a. Anthony Gonzales, that hasn't been said before?
I could do the meticulous routine of mentioning that M83's fifth studio album Saturdays = Youth will be released April 15, and a U.S. tour will start five days after the release, beginning in Los Angeles.
I could make up a false, humorless story about how I am pissed that Gonzales stole his new album's title from me. I had a similar title for the first LP from my imaginary band, Pelvis Pressley, entitled Saturdays = Sodomy.**
I could try to write about a true life event that has absolutely nothing to do with the news article. For instance:
I had a dream last night I was at a night class for mentally handicapped newswriters. The teacher told a long story about how surfers sometimes have "maggot nests" attached to the ends of their boards. The teacher then told me to look up at the ceiling. I tried to look, but my head wouldn't move. I slapped my thigh, as it felt like there was a bug sucking the blood out of me. I woke up and found no bugs. I called cousin Dirk and told him about the dream because he is an avid surfer. He said that my dream was ridiculous, and then he told me he was busy visiting his girlfriend's family in Michigan. He said they lived right off of route M-83. I said, "Whoa!"***
Saturdays = Youth was produced by Ken Thomas and co-produced by Anthony Gonzales and Ewan Pearson. The single "Couleurs" was released February 26, with a remix by Jori Hulkkonen.****
* I always have to unnecessarily mention some form of the male anatomy in a news article.
** I commonly make up false stories that often result in a lame anecdote about butt sex.
*** I tend to turn my TMT articles into my own personal, "Who Give a Shit?" diary, where I try to resolve the story around the band. In this case, M83 is named after the planet, not the highway.
**** I vaguely remember what I was writing about in the first place, so I end with a couple of facts, and then I cry myself to sleep next an oiled-up and nude Mr P.
M83, you slay me -- tourdates:
