The Magnetic Fields to Release Realism in January 2010

By Mike McHugh on 11-09-2009

Let’s face it: People fucking love buying Beatles shit. And they will never stop fucking buying Beatles shit for as long as they fucking live. Whether it’s a fucking video game, or the same fucking albums you’ve owned for 40 goddamn years, Apple Corps just loves milking the teet of the 50-something set for every discretionary dollar it can get its Liverpuddled hands on.

Except for those ghastly digital downloads, that is!

Apple Corps would never be so beastly as to cash in on the monumental notoriety of the world’s most famous band ever by offering its fans simple access to its favorite group’s music through iTunes. Really, how barbaric!
You see, Apple Corps knows what your average Beatlemaniac craves, and that’s a fucking multimedia experience. What’s that? You just like the music? Aren’t the timeless songs what’s really important, you ask? Well you can take your precious records and ram ’em up your fart furnace, Grandpa! We’re talking 21st-century Beatles here. The consumer wants the full Beatles experience, not just those stodgy old pop songs! The consumer wants to play guitar like George and harmonize like Paul, so s/he has been given a $300 set of plastic toys to achieve his dream at last. The consumer wants to listen to “Here Comes the Sun” while a muscular man in a peacock feather Speedo does pushups in a ceramic hamster wheel, so s/he has been given a $150 ticket to a Las Vegas revue that offers something very similar to that.

But who, I implore, asked for this: a fucking limited-edition USB jump drive packed with the 14 remastered Beatles albums plus 13 “mini-documentaries” about (almost) each record? Is this Apple Corps’ idea of a digital release? A fucking memory stick that most people will end up backing up their illegal MP3s onto? But hold on, ya’ll, the fucking thumb drive is shaped like an Apple! Just like the record company they started! How kitchsy! I will totally spend $279.99 for this glorified floppy disk! Or, according to Rachel B, I could just pop over to Bluebeat.com, where they’re selling digital copies of every Beatles album for fire sale prices. Sure, they’re selling the songs without permission, but I’d just like easy access to a product I desire without a bunch of useless glitz or pricey packaging. I guess I’m just not the average consumer, though.

By David Nadelle on 11-09-2009

Another Thursday night. After-work drinks at the local shithole usually end with a half-eaten donair and a piss-poor sleep on the sofa, but tonight there was something different in the air for our hero. Most asked after the fact say it was a mix of pickled eggs and contraband Drakkar but for some it was much more magical. He spies a few interesting faces, one in particular among a group of well-ridden regulars. Feathered hair AND red denim skintights... BA-BAM! Normally a free G&T would be enough to corral one of these cougs back to the lair but something told him that additional help might be required to snare this particular cub. He slides off his bar stool and walks as erect as a salacious Greek novelty keychain toward the digital jukebox secured to the back wall. Coins dispensed, his eyes dart through the flipping CD covers with quiet conviction. His hand stops automatically on the button and his fingers instinctively press "31-03" on the grimy number-pad. Walking confidently back to his barstool, he flashes a "done deal" smile at his soon-to-be conquest and thinks to himself, "I can't believe they have Bob Seger's 'Night Moves' here!"

I can. And if you have ever had your ears held captive by one of those dreadful digital bar jukeboxes that invariably spin the endless likes of Steve Miller, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and, yes, Bob Seger as selection staples, so can you. It doesn't have to be this way. I have frolicked in suds-soused sounds that came from good digital bar players crammed with French yé-yé, au currant British indie labels, or '50s rockabilly rarities and '60s and '70s soul treats. With the announcement of renewed investment digital media leader Ecast, the prospect of better bar times seems all the more likely.

Ecast, "the leader in place-based interactive media," knows that people will always need booze, especially in the most depressing of economic times, and has secured $17 million in funding to keep full-tilt drunks and mild social drinkers alike happy as clams. The company provides bars and restaurants with a network of 10,000 touchscreen, internet-connected digital jukeboxes, generating profit by displaying more than a billion ads monthly. In addition to contributions from current investors Foundry Group, Escalate Capital Partners, DCM, and Crosslink Capital, the $17M comes from Ecast's new investing partner and electronics giant LG. Ecast presently has label rights to Sony BMG, Warner, and Universal material in addition to some independent imprints distributed through IODA. Could the licensing rights to Load, Orange Twin, or Ecstatic Peace! be far behind? Probably not, but one can dare to dream. It would be better than having to sit through "Under Pressure" a dozen times a night. Narrowly better.