Make a Jazz Noise Here: Sonic Youth Announce Shows with Wooden Wand and V∞redoms

Alongside news of Thurston Moore arriving in Saudi Arabia to rally support for the forthcoming troop surge in Iraq, Sonic Youth recently announced tourdates to an excited fanbase that just can't get enough of their love songs ("Flowers With Not One, But Every Smile" debuted at #1 on the singles chart last week!). Beginning with an East Coast trip on Valentine's Day with Wooden Wand, Sonic Youth will eventually make their way to Mexico for two dates to finish off February, which has everyone wondering who the hell February is, and does she have a MySpace with pics?

In April, Sonic Youth will meet up with V∞redoms for a few dates in Japan, which will surely be life-changing if we are to believe the propaganda. But really, what's the deal with putting on sweet shows in Japan? I mean, these shows really don't do anything for me, and even my friend said "yeah, kinda sukcs." So if I don't like them, and my friend (who's super picky, actually) says it "kinda sukcs," then why? Maybe I just don't "get" it, but perhaps I don't want to "get" it when Sonic Youth could just as easily import V∞redoms to the U.S. and play for their fellow Americans.

The Story of How Animal Collective Signed to Domino, Panda Bear Set a Release Date and Tracklist for New Album, and How Slimer from Ghostbusters Joined the Band

I saw Animal Collective live just about a year ago. My friend asked Geologist (that's the name his parents gave him!) to say "Let's turn up the AC!" I'm pretty sure Avey Tare said it at some point during the show, and ever since then, the collective has been turning up the AC like money growing on hypothetical trees.

AC began this year by signing to U.K.'s Domino Records. As previously reported, a four-track EP, titled People, will be released on FatCat on January 23 in the U.S., while The AC's back catalog will still be released via FatCat, and the new Panda Bear (a.k.a. Noah Lennox, member of Animal Collective) solo album, Person Pitch, will see release March 20 on the group's own Paw Tracks.

Lennox's new album focuses on his personal life and the topics of fatherhood, marriage, and living in Lisbon. Four of the tracks from Person Pitch will be released on 12-inch vinyl under FatCat, Paw Tracks, and UUAR. Panda Bear is also planning to tour this coming spring and summer. (Oh, by the way, it is insipid to think Lennox likes panda bears just because that is his stage name. Panda bears are the demons of Asia. They steal the souls and cameras from foolish Americans. Lennox is more like a charming Yogi Bear of sorts with harmonizing feel-good vocals and surreal blips and beeps.)

Furthermore, people will most likely be seeing a whole ass-full more of the white-bred animals of Brooklyn with a spring tour, a follow-up to the 2005 critical success Feels, a live box-set, and a movie. Hopefully, the movie will be full of the typical AC explosive behavior we have all come to expect. And by that I mean masks, guns, drums, lasers, and full-frontal nudity. I just hope that it is somewhere along the lines of the Ghostbusters series.

The bottom line and the 'in conclusion' part of this essay is that I could write a 600-page novel worth of Animal Collective news. And if I were you, I would have stopped reading after the title. It's not even funny. What the hell does Slimer have to do with Animal Collective? I could've also made lame attempts at humor on a Shins article or a more obscure artist, but that'd be equally ridiculous. I still like the AC, but you guys are wearing me out. The morals of all this blatant ranting are that (1) sometimes it's okay to turn down the AC, (2) an Animal Collective movie could be interesting, and (3) Slimer was really an encompassing metaphor for the still remaining prejudices between whites and African Americans in contemporary society.

Person Pitch tracklist:

1. Comfy in Nautica
2. Take Pills
3. Bro's
4. I'm Not
5. Good Girl
6. Carrots
7. Search for Delicious
8. Ponytail

AC tourdates:

Vice Reissues Six Boredoms Albums; Somewhere, 154 Arms Are Really Sore

If your plans for July 7 (7/7/07) of this year include "getting high" and "being in New York City," you might want to consider attending a special performance by the legendary Japanese outfit Boredoms. Not feeling content with a mere reputation as one of the greatest live acts of our time, they have decided to one-up themselves with "77 DRUM": a Boredoms show featuring 77 drummers. The show will take place in NYC at a location that has not yet been disclosed.

Not since the recent announcement that Sofia Coppola will be directing a sequel to the 2002 classic Drumline have music lovers everywhere been so excited about a drumming performance. Titled "Drumline: Miami Beach," the movie will star Brad Garrett, and in honor of his sure-to-be monolithic performance in the upcoming film, Vice Records has decided to reissue six Boredoms albums in the first two months of this year: January 23 will see the release of Super Roots, Super Roots 3, and Super Roots 5, while Super Roots 6, Super Roots 7, and Super Roots 8 will be released on February 20.

Further details and interesting fun Boredoms tidbits can be found at the Vice website.

Yes, The Talkdemonic Tour Started Already, But We’re Here to Tell You That It’s Eventually Going to End

So, everybody (not literally everybody) is talking about Lisa Molinaro, Talkdemonic's viola whiz, and her touring gig with the mother-scratching Decemberists. They're kind of a big deal right? Not like Paul Wall big deal, but whatever. That is some kick-ass shit that puts me in a "Hell motherfuckin' yeah" kind of mood for Talkdemonic, who will be meandering their way down and then back up the West Coast following shows in Seattle and native Portland. Shit has been going well for the duo who recently found themselves ankle deep in a, thus far, 12-track bucket of an album I have tentatively dubbed, The Bucket Album, the follow-up to 2006's sophomore ARRCO release Beat Romantic (TMT Review). Talkdemonic is also currently in the heavy petting process with One Little Indian, a pretty sweet label in the United to the Kingdom. But before all that, get out while the gettin' is good. And don't be using weather as a reason to not go Eugene, Oregon. You're better than that:

EMI Re-Considers Stabbing You

Proving that major labels have their fingers on the pulse of a rotten plank of wood that they've mistaken for a discerning music consumer, EMI said this week that it is "evaluating" its CD copy protection technology but is not planning on disposing of it. Although no new CDs have been manufactured with copy protection software for the last few months, EMI must be worried that consumers will begin to smile again and actually purchase its products I guess.

Digital Rights Management technology has been under fire from consumer groups since its introduction, with side-effects driving more consumers to piracy than was inversely intended:

- Doesn't work with iPod
- Infects computer with debilitating virus
- Changes all .jpg files to .bmp
- Changes all .bmp files to desktop-size photos of Gene Shalit
- Sends slightly discourteous e-mail to Grandma
- Wraps thick arm tightly around your waist in front of Grandma
- Derails a train somewhere in the desert

And this was just with the Sony BMG case. Best of luck in your evaluation, EMI. Make that business strategy hurt.