Mastodon head to Europe for Festival of the Mastodon, discover that no such thing exists, play at other festivals instead

Mastodon head to Europe for Festival of the Mastodon, discover that no such thing exists, play at other festivals instead

Break in half the swine, the Festival of the Mastodon has arrived! Much as we do every year, we drink the mead and burn the fire bright, in order to pay tribute to the hefty beast. Take my hand, brother, it is time to rejoice. Slap! That’s me slapping your hand! You idiot, the Festival of the Mastodon isn’t a real thing! Mastodons are dead and they ain’t never coming back. Only backwoods country rubes believe in the Festival of the Mastodon. Yeah, only real… oh. Hi, Mastodon, the metal band from Atlanta, Georgia who put out The Hunter (TMT Review) via Reprise in 2011! What are you guys doing here? Here for the… oh. The Festival of the Mastodon. Yeah. Well… um… about that. It… doesn’t exist.

Now that Mastodon have thrashed me into pulp, as aided by their impressive neck tattoos, they’re off to Europe. Some would say they’re looking for the true Festival of the Mastodon. Shame, since, Europe or no Europe, that’s still just a thing I made up. Ah well, they’ll be okay; I hear they’re going to play a million other festivals instead. Honestly, they’re playing so many European festivals, it appears that they will eventually run out of Europe and be forced to play a pair of Canadian festivals. Godspeed, you lovable titans.

Mastodon dates:

05.25.12 - Lisbon, Portugal - Bela Vista Park (Rock in Rio Lisbon)
05.26.12 - Madrid, Spain - Getafe Sonisphere
05.27.12 - Landgraaf, Holland - Pinkpop Festival
05.28.12 - Werchter, Belgium - Boutique Festival
05.30.12 - Yverdon, Switzerland - Sonisphere at Rives du Lac
06.01.12 - Bavaria, Germany - Rock in Park Clubstage
06.02.12 - Nurburgring, Germany - Rock Am Ring Clubstage
06.03.12 - Warsaw, Poland - Ursynalia Festival
06.06.12 - Horsens, Denmark - Open Air
06.07.12 - Sölvesborg, Sweden - Sweden Rock Festival
06.08.12 - Zagreb, Croatia - Rokaj Festival
06.09.12 - Muenster, Germany - Vainstream Festival
06.10.12 - Nickelsdorf, Austria - Nova Rock Festival
06.13.12 - Bergen, Norway - Bergen Calling
06.15.12 - Copenhagen, Denmark - Copenhall Festival
06.16.12 - Gothenburg, Sweden - Metaltown
06.17.12 - Seinäjoki, Finland - Provinssirock
06.19.12 - Tallinn, Estonia - Rock Cafe
06.20.12 - Riga, Latvia - Palladium
06.23.12 - Roeser, Luxembourg - Rock A Field Festival
06.24.12 - Eindhoven, Holland - Effenaar
06.25.12 - Amsterdam, Holland - Melkweg Max
06.27.12 - Rome, Italy - Atlantico
06.29.12 - Werchter, Belgium - Rock
06.30.12 - Belfort, France - Eurokennes
07.14.12 - Ottawa, ON - Ottawa Bluesfest
07.15.12 - Quebec, QC - Festival D’Ete Quebec
08.25.12 - Reading, UK - Reading Festival
08.26.12 - Leeds, UK - Leeds Festival

• Mastodon:
• Reprise:

Yeasayer announce new album; text your punchlines to this headline to TMT-ZINE-5-24!

For the last time, David Byrne, you’re not just imagining that Yeasayer exists. They are a totally, 100%, FOR REAL band. A band that some people listen to. They consist of three humans who record new-wave-ish, bliss-pop records and then tour those records around the world. Yes, yes, just like you do, and just like Talking Heads did; but this is different. Separate. They even released their newest single, Henrietta, on PHYSICAL CDs that they mailed to 200 “random fans” and encouraged them to share it. They have a press release that I just read that say that this is an “organic viral method” of getting their music out there, “direct to fans.” See? Physical, organic, REAL. Real band. NOT a figment of your creative imagination, however prodigious and powerful it may be. You need to accept this.

If that’s not enough evidence for you, how about the fact that they also just announced a very real release date for their definitely very real new album, the follow-up to 2010’s Odd Blood, Fragrant World? No, that’s not a made-up title. It’s really coming out. On August 21. On Secretly Canadian! Sorry to be getting so worked here, but your disbelief is starting to frustrate me. So, before our session is up, let me be clear about this: you definitely didn’t create Yeasayer in your subconscious, record this new album in your sleep, put it out through Secretly Canadian, and book US and European shows this summer to promote it. That’s just completely preposterous. Completely preposterous, I say. I’m a doctor.

Fragrant World tracklist:

01. Fingers Never Bleed
02. Longevity
03. Blue Paper
04. Henrietta
05. Devil and the Deed
06. No Bones
07. Reagan’s Skeleton
08. Demon Road
09. Damaged Goods
10. Folk Hero Shtick
11. Glass of the Microscope


06.19.12 - Richmond, VA - The National
06.20.12 - Asheville, NC - The Orange Peel
06.21.12 - Knoxville, TN - Bijou Theatre
06.22.12 - Nashville, TN - The Cannery Ballroom
06.23.12 - Louisville, KY - Headliners Music Hall
06.24.12 - Cincinnati, OH - 20th Century Theatre
07.02.12 - Vienna, Austria - Szene
07.04.12 - Gdynia, Poland - Heineken Open’er Festival
07.07.12 - Bruges, Belgium - Cactus Festival
07.08.12 - Lieges, Belgium - Les Ardentes
07.09.12 - Utrecht, Holland - Tivoli De Heling
07.13.12 - Norfolk, England - Latitude
07.15.12 - Grafenhainichen, Germany - Melt Festival
08.03.12 - Montreal, QC - Osheaga Festival

• Yeasayer:
• Secretly Canadian:

The Flaming Lips play eight shows in one day??!!!!??!!!! What a buncha weirdos!!!!!!!!

Wayne Coyne wants to know what it would be like to play a show at a strip joint in Mississippi at four in the morning. He might find out on June 27, and so will everyone else who catches MTV’s stream of The Flaming Lips’ jaunt from Memphis to New Orleans.

I know, I know. You’re thinking, “Jeez, Caroline, don’t you know I’ve already seen Wayne Coyne run around in a giant plastic bubble and shout through a megaphone? I’ve got a season of Pete and Pete to watch.”

Consider this, whippersnapper: according to the good folks at Consequence of Sound, The Flaming Lips are out to break the record for the most shows played in a 24-hour period. Jay-Z set the record back in 2006 by playing seven shows in seven different cities. Wayne Coyne and company are up for eight.

And you’re thinking, “Seriously? Only eight? I thought Wayne Coyne was some crazy shoot-for-the-stars type of guy. Shouldn’t The Lips be aiming for like 50 shows?”

Don’t get your knickers in a twist. Even Wayne Coyne thinks this shit is absurd, and considering that he puts out records containing collaborators’ blood, that’s saying something.

• The Flaming Lips:

Mount Eerie will haunt the Pacific Northwest more than usual in June

Phil Elverum is no stranger to the magisterial Douglas-firs and omniscient owls (perhaps of Ga’hoole?) that have long stood sentinel in America’s Pacific Northwest. If 2009’s distinctly Twin Peaksian Wind’s Poem (TMT Review) was akin to taking a schvitz in the Black Lodge, then this year’s excellent Clear Moon (TMT Review) is more like playing quarters with the Log Lady then hauling a load of coke from Canada with Leo.

And we’re sure that’s exactly what Elverum’s gonna do on his upcoming trip into the spooky spooky forest this June. One show in British Columbia doesn’t even have a venue listed! So be sure to ask around the Roadhouse or just cut out the middle man and head straight to Owl Cave. Okay, all Family Ties references will halt exactly NOW


06.17.12 - Olympia, WA - Northern #
06.18.12 - Portland, OR - Common Grounds Coffee House $
06.19.12 - Portland, OR - Valentine’s $
06.20.12 - Seattle, WA - 20/20 Cycle #
06.21.12 - Vancouver, BC - The Rickshaw Theatre #
06.22.12 - Nanaimo, BC - ask around
06.23.12 - Victoria, BC - The Fifty Fifty #
06.24.12 - Bellingham, WA - Make.Shift Art Space
07.13-15.12 - Anacortes, WA - 1st Anacortes Unknown Music Series

# Hungry Cloud Darkening, Motorbikes
$ Key Losers

• Mount Eerie:

NGUZUNGUZU weaponize bass this summer with Warm Pulse EP on Hippos in Tanks

The name can’t be ignored — partially because it’s in all caps, and partially because its pronunciation remains uncertain… until now! On word from someone in the know, it’s pronounced en-goo-zoo-en-goo-zoo, which is a relief, because I’d hate to have to express my eagerness to see “gazungas” while among friends. That’s one distraction done away with. Here’s another: the cover for their upcoming EP Warm Pulse, due out July 3 on the internet and August 14 on CD/vinyl, via Hippos in Tanks. If I had to characterize the cover with a particular abbreviation, it would be “TMNT,” as in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The green represents the turtles themselves, and the chains/concrete slabs represent their gritty upbringing. The (what appears to be) lightning signifies their mutant status. Please tell me there’s a career in album cover interpretation.

The music of Asma Maroof and Daniel Pineda, the two Angelenos who make up NGUZUNGZU, is a bit less easy to figure out. A press release describes Warm Pulse as a “a deadly combination of grace, warmth and paranoia.” Their previous work strikes me as electronic music that simultaneously shrugs away the genre, in favor of overtly tribal rhythms and punching bass. And the bass is indeed quite punchy and stabby; in addition to acquiring Warm Pulse, you may want to consider updating your first-aid kit as well, especially if you’re in Europe and plan on catching them live at one of the venues listed below.


05.24.12 - Glasgow, UK - The Arches
05.25.12 - Bristol, UK - DOJO Lounge
05.26.12 - Utrecht, Netherlands - Ekko
05.27.12 - Paris, France - Villette Sonique
06.01.12 - Dudingen, Switzerland - Bad Bonn Festival
06.02.12 - Copenhagen, Denmark - Distortion
06.06.12 - Stockholm, Sweden - Debaser Slussen
06.07.12 - Malmo, Sweden - Debaser
06.08.12 - Berlin, Germany - Berghain
06.09.12 - Bassano Del Grappa, Italy - Shindy Club
06.15.12 - Barcelona, Spain - Sonar Festival

• Hippos in Tanks:

RIAA seeks $75 trillion in LimeWire copyright case, as if their plot for world domination was ever in question

Ohhhh, I get it. The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), not known for their sense of humor, are simply reenacting that now culturally passé scene from Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery — the one where the tragically inept antagonist Dr. Evil holds the world hostage in pursuit of a laughably ridiculous sum of money. But like the movie itself, the RIAA’s actions are all for the sake of comedic value, right? … Right?

It’s laughable to the rest of us, for sure, but unfortunately the RIAA are completely serious when they say that they want the essentially defunct peer-to-peer software company LimeWire to dole out up to $75 trillion in damages after the latter lost a copyright infringement claim. Read that number again: $75 trillion. To put it in perspective, that’s more than the GDP of every country in the world combined, which is about $63 trillion. That’s more money than what Microsoft CEO Bill Gates would have if we cloned him one-thousand times and multiplied his net worth an equivalent amount. That’s more money than would fit under your obese mother’s custom-made mattress. Okay, that was rude.

How did the RIAA come up with such a preposterous number? Presently, about 11,000 songs have been identified as legally “infringed” material, with each song likely having been downloaded thousands of times. Instead of being compensated a single time for each individual song, the RIAA believes that they’re entitled to damages for each individual download. Multiply the maximum statutory damage award of $150,000 times the number of downloads, and you probably reach that unfathomable trillion dollar number. Multiply $150,000 times each individual song, and you still have the potential for a billion dollar award, but apparently that isn’t vampire-like enough.

For her part, Judge Kimba Wood, who presided over LimeWire’s shut down last October, and found them liable for copyright infringement back in May 2010, has labelled the $75 trillion amount an “absurd result,” in a 14-page ruling on the case. Ultimately, she states, “Plaintiffs are entitled to a single statutory damage award from Defendants per work infringed, regardless of how many individual users directly infringed that particular work.” Now, now. Dry your eyes.

• LimeWire: