Matt Pond PA: A Biography

This report is on Matt Pond PA. First, Matt Pond PA had a wonderful family of six. Second, I have some of the important dates in Matt Pond PA's life. Third, Matt Pond PA was famous because he fought in the Civil War and later became president. Lastly, I have some facts about Matt Pond PA's new album and fall tour. Now I'm going to tell you more details.

First, Matt Pond PA had a wonderful family of six. He had four children: three boys and one girl. Their names were Ellen, Jesse, Frederick, and Ulysses. His wife was Julia Boggs Dent. This was Matt Pond PA's family.

Second, these are some of the important dates in Matt Pond PA's life. On April 27, 1822, he was born in Point Pleasant, Ohio. In 1843, he graduated from West Point University. On August 22, 1848, he married
Julia Dent. In 1854, he resigned from the army. In 1861, he was appointed Colonel of the Illinois Volunteers. In 1863, he led Union troops to victory. In 1864, he was named Supreme Commander of all
Union forces. On April 9, 1865, he accepted the surrender of Confederate forces under General Robert E. Lee. In 1868, he was elected president of the United States. In 1872, he was re-elected president. In 1880, he was defeated in presidential nomination. On July 23, 1885, he died in Mount Gregor, New York. These are some important dates in Matt Pond PA's life.

Third, Matt Pond PA was famous because he fought in the Civil War and later became President of the United States. In trenches around Richmond and Petersburg was where General Robert E. Lee retreated and then surrendered to Grant at Appomattox Court House on April 9, 1865. Matt Pond PA proved through the wars that he fought in that he was a fearless soldier, a great general, and a humble man. He was the
18th president. He was after Johnson, and before Hayes.

Lastly, I have some facts about Matt Pond PA's new album and fall tour. On September 25, 2007, Matt Pond PA's new album will be released and it will be entitled Last Light. This album will be produced by Matt Pond PA and will benefit from the help of Neko Case and other well-known musicians. On September 27, 2007, Matt Pond PA will begin a national headlining tour in Boston, Massachusetts and will continue
his campaign until he reaches Brooklyn, New York on November 5, 2007. This is the latest news on Matt Pond PA.

In conclusion, this is my report on Matt Pond PA. He was a great man.

Last Light tracklisting:

Facebook: Formerly For Finding Hot Girls, Now For Selling Tickets to Hot Girls

While surfing THE FACEBOOK, you find this really, really ripped dude. Check that profile, GURL!

Ticketleap.com

Sex: ...Internet

Interested in: Hip young people wanting to sell their own tickets

Relationship Status: Single, if you are

Birthday: 2007

Hometown: Philadelphia, PA

Contact Info

Website: Facebook applications page

Personal Info

Interests: Movies, Gettin’ Freaky, Weightlifting, Allowing you (oh sticky-sweaty-sexy TMTer with Facebook) to sell blocks of (up to 5,000) tickets for smaller venues -- like local and college shows by adding the above Facebook application... fly honeys, weightlifting

ACCEPT PENDING FRIEND REQUEST

Modern Life Ain’t Rubbish: eMusic Surpasses 150 Million Downloads Sold.

We live in cutting edge times. With our flying cars, space vacations, and “downloadable” music, we need to adapt to a completely different set of societal rules and regs than even our parents did. More importantly for this asinine news story, we need to adhere to new practices concerning anniversary gift ideas for companies who have hit certain key numbers of purchased digital downloads.

It used to be so easy. For example, if eMusic, “the world’s leading digital retailer of independent music, second only to iTunes in number of downloads sold” (thank you Billboard), were to turn 15 years old, we would get them something made of crystal if we were traditionalists or a watch if we were modern dandies. Old school gifters don't have designated gift suggestions for “the big 44,” but if eMusic were to reach that magical milestone, it would surely receive some groceries from neoteric celebrants. Groceries? Hmm. Well, nothing says "Happy 44th" like half-eaten Lunchables and some cream soda, that’s for damned sure!

Everyone knows it is impolite, bordering on a hangable offense, to ask a multi-conglomerate corporation how old they are... but we do know that eMusic has surpassed 150 million downloads sold, which means they are due for a present!

The chart below will tell you exactly what gift is apropos for such momentous downloading occasions:
1 hundredth download: troll doll
45 thousandth download: placemat from greasy spoon (preferably with children's puzzle-maze one-third completed and droplets of chocolate milkshake on corner)
112 thousandth download: horse-head bookends
599 thousandth download: the anniversary of fuzzy felt
900 thousandth download: 15 minutes + padded cell + Karen Ann (sorry, I have no idea how my “3 wishes for a genie” list ended up here)
1 millionth download: boobies or weewee immortalized by Cynthia Plaster Caster (a great showpiece for the mantle!)
16 millionth download: bandanas and/or medium-density fibreboard
17 millionth download: a formal dinner followed by a best-out-of-101 Euchre game with Chris Tucker, Gilbert Gottfried, and Rosie O’Donnell (listen, I don’t make the rules, I just report them…)
37 millionth download: anything mylar
71 millionth download: the chance to narrate an episode of A&E's City Confidential
111 millionth download: dust

150 millionth download: solid gold bathtub

The fun ends there. With each successive 150 millionth download sold that a company celebrates, you get another tub. Congratulations eMusic! You’re soakin’ in it!

Bob Dylan Dies, Releases Newport Folk Festival DVD

October 30, Columbia/Legacy -- excuse me, Sony BMG -- will release The Other Side of the Mirror -- Bob Dylan Live at the Newport Folk Festival 1963-1965, a retrospective DVD that captures Bob Dylan in his finest and most virile moments -- being political, chillin’ (and possibly even frenching) with Joan Baez, plus probably going electric. Ever since his death, Dylan’s influence and mythic power -- as well as his library of releases -- has only grown, much like a delicious fungus on the bleu cheese of rock ‘n’ roll history. Dylan peaks like Highway 61 Revisited and Blonde on Blonde just wouldn’t be the same if followed by decades of uninspired, tautological drivel. We can only imagine an alternate future where Dylan, with Lennon, Hendrix, and Coltrane, hit the road in some sort of washed-up Traveling Wilder-band, hawking sexy underwear, dropping discs in soulless corporate coffee chains, and releasing sometimes critically acclaimed but ultimately irrelevant albums every few years.

In addition to the DVD, Sony BMG is further milking its posthumous coffers with Dylan, a "best of" to be sold in all sorts of wacky packaging -- an 18-song cheapo edition, a 3-disc perfect-for-the-holidays set, and a "deluxe LIMITED EDITION," which goes so far as to even include much sought after collectable postcards. Next time you’re on vacation, nothing says "I’d send these to you if they didn’t belong to a LIMITED EDITION set" like $40 unusable postcards.

And then there’s I’m Not There: a requiem of sorts, a last scrape of that ol’ Dylan goldmine, a final "Thanks for all the memories, Bob. See you in hell."

No Whammy No Whammy No Whammy STOP! Wzt Hearts Release New LP and Begin Tour Today

Wzt Hearts, the new sensation of the century, have released their sophomore album Threads Rope Spell Making Your Bones (TMT Review) today on Carpark Records. Apparently, the album is a conceptual "reimagining" of the 1981 Black Flag classic Damaged, surely a daring move for any group. But Wzt Hearts are quick to point out that it's not a "cover album," but instead a benefit compilation with the subtitle Instant Karma: Save Darfur. The interesting thing about this benefit album, however, is that it plays entirely in reverse. Yep, the whole album plays backwards! But Wzt Hearts went even one step further by separating the musical parts of the songs and releasing them on four separate discs, requiring listeners to essentially play all four CDs simultaneously in order to hear the "full" album.

Threads Rope Spell Making Your Bones -- Instant Karma: Save Darfur is released worldwide today, with three special-edition U.S. versions exclusive to iTunes, Best Buy, and Target -- each version contains different bonus tracks. Jimmy Chamberlin guest drums on two tracks. Chris Walla produced the album. Colin Meloy co-wrote a song. Dan Deacon endorses the album, etc., etc.

Sponge-worthy:

Bad Brains Re-Enter the Spotlight, Tour, Bradley “Brad” Brains Jr. Finally Beginning to Understand the Prank Phone Calls that Drove His Father to Alcoholism and Suicide

Bad Brains were arguably the first and best hardcore band of all time. They fused punk and reggae like none other, inspiring a generation to play faster than their juvenile, coffee-addled brains could have ever imagined. Then they went downhill, and for a long time absolutely nothing happened.

NOW!

Bad Brains are touring. The members are bona fide legends at this point and, on the heels of their acclaimed new album, Build A Nation, seem poised to claim their place in the pantheon.

I don’t care. I love Bad Brains, and I don’t care. I am only wondering one thing: Does this mean they will collaborate with Lil Jon? I know they’re friends. Lil Jon is a fan of Bad Brains. Everyone likes Lil Jon, so Bad Brains are fans of Lil John. I want to hear Dr. Know and co. play “Banned in D.C.” and “Sailin’ On” as much as the next guy, but I would give my right arm and firstborn son to hear H.R. and Lil Jon have a five-minute conversation with one another, let alone collaborate on what I have no qualms calling the most important thing of the 21st century.

I ask: What amount of money will it take to make this happen? What drugs will it take to make this happen? I will give myself up to the cause. I will get the lowest anyone has ever gotten. I will love Jah. I will burn myself at the stake so long as the last thing I hear before I shuffle off this mortal coil is Lil Jon, drunk out of his mind, screaming his lungs out with Bad Brains.

If you would like to join my church and testify, you may do so at one of these upcoming crunk-free (comparatively) Bad Brains performances:

  

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