“Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk.” “You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful.” “Shut up bitch. Go fix me a turkey pot pie.” “No Dad, what about you?” “Fuck you.” “No Dad, what about you?” “Fuck you.” “Dad, what about you?” “Fuck you!”
Most dads are not like the one described by "John Bender" in The Breakfast Club. With Father’s Day rapidly approaching, most of us are not concerned with corny but classic John Hughes films, but are instead racing to find something for our dear old coot before Sunday so he’ll go one more year without writing us out of his will. It is not as easy as it seems. The tough question confronting almost everyone every June isn’t if you’ll buy your dad a goodie for Father’s Day, but what to get him? Do you go for the golf-related, desk organizing asinine knick-knack from Den For Men? No, you got him that idiotic prezzie five years running. A tie? Nope, Dad doesn’t wear a tie at IHOP's dish-pit. A Shrek the Third or Orlando Bloom Pirates...: At World’s End beach towel (Wal-Mart is out of those featuring Depp)? A novel idea, but too risky perhaps. Do you really want your dad parading over white sand with such a passé movie tie-in draped over his liver-spotted wrinklefest? What can we buy our fathers for his big day, oh gift pixies, what?
Silber Records, our favorite family-first labels, doesn't have a clear-cut answer to this quandary but has something to read that will make Sunday go a bit easier. The label’s latest zine “QRD” is an online one devoted to musicians who are also fathers and their views concerning the oft-complicated balancing of full-time papa-ing and full-time music-making. “QRD” #33 will eventually include a Q&A with Colin Newman (Wire) and currently contains interviews with Alan Sparhawk (Low), Chris Olley (Six by Seven), Joe Kendrick (of WNCW radio), and many more with fatherly folk from the label’s killer roster of bands. It’s worth a try. It will certainly put a smile on your mug, which you will surely need after you see your dad’s face when he opens your present of a “Who Farted?” t-shirt.