Hey Everybody, shut up and pay attention! Mike Love is talking! You know, Mike Love from The Beach Boys??? Anyway, you’ll totally NEVER GUESS WHAT kind of crazy shit is happening with the Mike Love/Beach Boys thing now! So, according to this huge “magazine” (whatever those are!) called Rolling Stone (whatever that is!) Mike Love (remember now, that’s the guy that everybody hates in The Beach Boys) says that he definitely “did not fire Brian Wilson from The Beach Boys” (Brian is the one everybody likes in The Beach Boys) and that any such “divisive and ugly rumors” are “all the result of a misunderstanding” (presumably, that misunderstanding arose when Mike Love, you know, fired Brian Wilson from The Beach Boys). Oh, you know what? Before I continue with any further details, let me just say Mike Love’s name in print a couple more times: Mike Love, Mike Love, Mike Love, Mike Love, Mike Love, Mike Love, Mike Love. That oughtta do it.
Anyway, long story short, blah blah blah, as he’s reiterated before, Love says that the specific “50th Anniversary Reunion Tour” that contained all those original motherfuckers like Brian Wilson and the other guys whose names don’t matter at all was “always envisioned as a limited run” before Love resumed his usual year-in, year-out touring under The Beach Boys’ name with a bunch of touring musicians whose names matter even less then The Beach Boys’ and that, simply put, this was just the end of that run. But then (INEX-FUCKING-PLICABLY) positive reviews prompted the reunited band to keep adding more shows, and yadda-yadda-yadda, Love had to put the kibosh on the situation because of all the Fake Beach Boys shows he had already booked and didn’t want to cancel in order to tour more with the Real Beach Boys. “To avoid public confusion, and at the request of Brian’s representative, we had a press release sent out detailing the differences between the two Beach Boys tours and its varying lineups,” Love said. “Some media outlets interpreted all of this as me firing the band.”
Hey, that gives me an even better idea! How about “to avoid public confusion,” we all stop giving a fuck about these pathetic walking-calamities that still careen around the music scene and variously call themselves The Beach Boys?! Why don’t we all just agree to enjoy Pet Sounds and SMiLE or whatever our choice singles are once in a while and call it a fucking day? At least that way we could stop having to put Mike Love’s ridiculous name in print next to the words “beach” and “boys” so often. Which is all this bullshit is really about anyway.
• The Beach Boys: http://www.thebeachboys.com