Modest Mouse or Proud Hawk? New Release Pushed Back, Tour; No Longer Nice on Ice, Alright

For years Isaac Brock and his band o' hooligans have been making the soundtrack of our lives. One particular song, "Float On," has become a popular YouTube sing-a-long homemade video anthem. While hoping to find a video where an aspiring young filmmaker treks the journey of his own feces dubbed to the popular song, I came across even more ambiguous exploits. The ridiculous videos range from a rich kid who had a green screen for a day and made his head appear huge while he sung "Float On" to a brilliant video of high school kids mixing Mentos with diet Coke in order to avoid making out with frivolous girls.

Yep, people are really being creative with your hit single, oh mighty Modest Mouse. So you better be shitting out something beyond amazing this time around. I see that your sardonically ironic new album, We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank, has been pushed back from its pre-Christmas release of December 19 to early next year. Mice, is this your doing or Epic being one strict parent? It's hard to say, but it is so disappointing that someone somewhere may have cried. In a brilliant attempt to show you they are in fact still alive, the band have planned a few tourdates with a pre-sale available on their website. This will be the premier of the band's newest member, Johnny Marr, former Smiths guitarist. I'm sure you didn't know that little piece of information. Yep, I just blew your mind harder than a hooker in the back of your uncle's El Camino!

So I really procrastinated writing this "news." I've actually known this news for over a year now. It was just easier for me to put it off and focus on other things like drinking and crocheting with my mom. Well, I'm going to go film said video about one turd's amazing journey from porcelain to Sri Lanka, with the voices of John Goodman, Larry the Cable Guy, and Whoopi Goldberg as "peanut." Thanks for the inspiration Modest Moose and everyone at TMT! I'm a filmmaker now!

Tourdates with Your Mom: (No, not a band called Your Mom, just your mom. I've been really immature today. Sorry, guys!):

11.05.06 - Los Angeles, CA - Avalon
11.06.06 - Los Angeles, CA - Wiltern Theatre
11.07.06 - Anaheim, CA - The Grove
11.09.06 - Anahein, CA - The Grove
11.11.06 - Miami, FL - Bang! Festival
11.13.06 - New York, NY - Nokia Theatre
11.14.06 - New York, NY - Webster Hall
11.15.06 - New York, NY - Webster Hall
11.17.06 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom
11.18.06 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom
11.21.06 - London, UK - Koko

Harold Pinter Presents TMT News, Part 6: Blood Brothers Release New Album, Tour

A kitchen. Carl is cutting carrots. John enters from outside; it's been raining.

Carl: Did you get the carrots?

John: It's raining.

Carl: I can see that. Did you get the carrots?

John: You have carrots.

Carl: But we need more. You didn't get them.

Pause.

Carl: I asked you to get some...

John: Oh, shut up.

John sits down, picking up a copy of his local indie paper from his chair.

John: Blood Brothers are releasing a new album.

Carl: I know.

Pause.

John: It's going to be called Young Machetes.

Carl: I know. I've read that paper.

John: It's being released tomorrow. And they're touring at the end of this month. With Trail of Dead.

Carl: Aren't you listening to me? I've read it.

Pause.

Carl: I slept with Jane last night.

Pause.

John: Oh, they're not playing anywhere near us.

Carl: We went to Marco's, down the road. I had the omelette. We drank coffee. And then we came back. I took her coat off. She was wearing a dress with a low back. The spotted one. Dammit, are you listening to me?

John: I'm trying to read.

Pause.

John: Pass me the scissors.

Carl: (worried) Why?

John: I want to cut something out.

Carl slides the scissors slowly across the table. Not taking his eyes away from Carl, John stands, cuts out a square from the newspaper, and pins it to a noticeboard. The piece of paper reads:

"10.27.06 - Denver, CO - Gothic Theatre
10.28.06 - Lawrence, KS - Granada Theatre
10.29.06 - St. Louis, MO - Washington University
10.31.06 - Chicago, IL - House of Blues
11.01.06 - Minneapolis, MN - The Quest
11.02.06 - Milwaukee, WI - The Eagles Club
11.03.06 - Columbus, OH - Newport Music Hall
11.04.06 - Detroit, MI - Majestic Theatre
11.05.06 - Toronto, Ontario - Phoenix
11.06.06 - Montreal, Quebec - La Tulipe
11.08.06 - Boston, MA - Avalon Ballroom
11.09.06 - Philadelphia, PA - Trocadero
11.10.06 - Philadelphia, PA - Trocadero
11.11.06 - New York, NY - Irving Plaza
11.12.06 - New York, NY - Irving Plaza
11.14.06 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
11.15.06 - Charlotte, NC - Tremont Music Hall
11.16.06 - Atlanta, GA - The Masquerade
11.17.06 - Orlando, FL - The Firestone
11.18.06 - St. Petersburg, FL - Jannus Landing
11.20.06 - New Orleans, LA - House of Blues
11.21.06 - Houston, TX - Warehouse Live
11.22.06 - Austin, TX - Emo's
11.23.06 - Austin, TX - Emo's
11.24.06 - Dallas, TX - Granada
11.25.06 - Lubbock, TX - Jake's Backroom
11.27.06 - Tempe, AZ - Marquee Theatre
11.28.06 - Las Vegas, NV - House of Blues
11.29.06 - San Diego, CA - House of Blues
11.30.06 - Los Angeles, CA - Henry Fonda Theater
12.01.06 - Los Angeles, CA - Henry Fonda Theater
12.02.06 - Pomona, CA - Glass House
12.03.06 - Sacramento, CA - Empire
12.05.06 - San Francisco, CA - The Fillmore
12.06.06 - Portland, OR - Crystal Ballroom
12.07.06 - Seattle, WA - Showbox
12.08.06 - Bellingham, WA - Nightlight
12.09.06 - Victoria, British Columbia - Sugar
12.10.06 - Vancouver, British Columbia - Croatian Cultural Centre
12.11.06 - Calgary, Alberta - MacEwan Hall Ballroom
12.12.06 - Edmonton, Alberta - Red's
12.14.06 - Salt Lake City, UT - Avalon Theater"

Pause.

Carl: Who the hell are Blood Brothers anyway?

John: Fucked if I know. I'm just an angry, dissatisfied, working-class British male with poorly concealed malice towards everyone I know.

Carl: Really? Me too.

Pause.

Carl: Do you think this is funny yet?

John: Probably not.

Google Buys YouTube, Makes Deals with Majors; Sex Tape of Mr P Surfaces on YouTube

"You can make money without doing evil." That's what Google (NASDAQ: GOOG) says. And guess what? Maybe Google's right. While Microsoft (NASDAQ: MSFT) is thumbtacking chairs with its evil, evil ways, Google is instead making some real sound decisions, at least in the business sense. Over the past year, Google has partnered with NASA, News Corp (NYSE: NWS), AOL (NYSE: TWX), and Sun Microsystems (NASDAQ: SUNW) — 'member when it bought Blogger in 2003?

It's true, TMT (NYSE: P4K) readers. Google's RICH!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Google has money. SO WHAT. Well, it was announced yesterday that Google bought YouTube for $1.65 billion in a stock-for-stock transaction. YouTube will keep its brand name, headquarters, and all its employees, while Google will also retain its own shitty-ass video service for whatever reason. In addition to more technological knowledge and advertising skills, YouTube will likely feature more videos of people searching for things on Google. Which is so exciting that I won't even end this sentence with a period          And I'm going to write stuff                over here! And I'm not going to even finish th

The deal was announced shortly after YouTube announced partnerships with Universal Music Group, Sony BMG Music Entertainment, and CBS Corp. Just last week, YouTube struck a deal with Warner Music Group (wonder where the fuck's EMI?). Looks like the majors are playing the YouTube game, so you can stop calling YouTube the next Napster. In fact, why don't you just pick up a phone and call ME "napster." I'm lonely. And EVER SO HORNY!!!!

Meanwhile, I just did some research and found out that Google didn't buy YouTube. So nevermind. But here's the first paragraph again, just for fun: "You can make money without doing evil." That's what Google (NASDAQ: GOOG) says. And guess what? Maybe Google's right. While Microsoft (NASDAQ: MSFT) is thumbtacking chairs with its evil, evil ways, Google is instead making some real sound decisions, at least in the business sense. Over the past year, Google has partnered with NASA, News Corp (NYSE: NWS), AOL (NYSE: TWX), and Sun Microsystems (NASDAQ: SUNW) — 'member when it bought Blogger in 2003?

They Skipped Columbus Day?! What? Thanks, Greh; Hive Mind Tour

You know how Native Americans used to stick wooden spikes horizontally through their chests and then tie them to a large pole and walk around the pole for days until the spikes burst through their skin? Well, a group of people decided last Friday to do that same thing — but to other people — and through these peoples' temples instead of their chests. Greh, known to most as Hive Mind, will lead the troupe with his analog deathstick ready for slaughter. Following close behind will be Charlie Draheim and Moth Drakula, two of the most terrifying chieftains of noise. (Those names really sound like they were made for tribal chiefs.) It will be their job to scalp the victims to expose said temples. And finally, Cadaver in Drag will dance with the corpses, occasionally smashing their skulls a little with sludgy hammers. How is America defending itself for this utterly deserved retaliatory attack? By opening up the basements of our homes and the seedy underground venues which were formerly hidden. (These venues were hidden mainly to keep such music from going mainstream, because, y'know, it could happen. We eat what we like.)

These artists are known for their devastation and they will be playing with equally destructive acts at every stop of their Midwest tour. Of course, I don't expect to draw many new fans to these performances — noise isn't generally a genre you ease into without already knowing a good deal about it — but I hope that previously uninformed readers will attempt to go see these shows, if not for the bands then for their limited release, tour-only, split cassettes and awesome, badass lathes. Good luck, have fun, and don't die.

If you can find these venues, you don't need to be reading this:

10.06.06 – Detroit, MI – Behind the Green Door (NOISY)
10.07.06 – Columbus, OH – Café Bourbon Street (SEX)
10.08.06 – Lexington, KY – Frowny Bear +

10.10.06 – St. Louis, MO – Spooky Action Palace (LOVE)
10.11.06 – Iowa City, IA – Hall Mall ^2
10.12.06 – Madison, WI – Club 770 =
10.13.06 – Chicago, IL – Mr. City (DEATH)
10.14.06 – Kalamazoo, MI – The Red Room (RIGHT?)

(NOISY) w/ Aaron Dilloway
(SEX) w/ Bath House
+ w/ Walter Carson
(LOVE) w/ Worm Hands (yeah!)
^2 w/ Runaway Five
= w/ Ettrick
(DEATH) w/ Noise Nomads and Bloodyminded
(RIGHT?) w/ Evenings

There is a Game… That I Like to Play… And it is Called… KHANATE (Which Will Be Played No More)

I have this really bad habit of subconsciously refusing to listen to music that's jammed down my throat by friends, no matter how much I trust their musical digs. It's just a feeling of pride or annoyance for not discovering it first, or some shit. In the immortal words of Rob Gordon, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains. I'm over The Arcade Fire, but if it wasn't for these persistent dudebros of mine, I would never know the wonders that are The Hold Steady and Bonnie "Prince" Billy. Oh, and most importantly (for this story anyway): Broken Social Scene!!! Like an idiot, I made my Top Ten Albums of 2005 list before even listening to the BSS self-titled disc, and while I maintain that Sleater-Kinney's The Woods would keep a top slot, BSS literally made me late to class daily. I would sit on the benches with the smokers outside the Humanities building, waiting for songs to end and slip guiltily into class five minutes late, clutching these big dumb headphones.

Moral of the story: being passive-aggressively jealous of your friends for knowing more about music than you just makes you late to class. And it also guides you to the state of nirvana that is known as the voices of Leslie Feist and Emily Haines. Since I'm such a nice girl, I'll let you in on a little secret: You can see the real thing in a city near you. They're touring with Do Make Say Think, a band that could very well be considered part of the extended family.

Hell, you just might call them superconnected:

10.19.06 Indianapolis, IN - The Vogue *
10.20.06 - Atlanta, GA - Variety Playhouse *
10.21.06 - Knoxville, TN - Bijou Theatre *
10.22.06 - Nashville, TN - City Hall *
10.24.06 - Dallas, TX - Gypsy Tea Room *
10.26.06 - Austin, TX - Stubb's *
10.27.06 - Houston, TX - Warehouse Live *
10.28.06 - New Orleans, LA - Voodoo Music Experience
10.29.06 - Birmingham, AL - Bottletree *
10.31.06 - Tallahassee, FL - The Moon *
11.01.06 - Fort Lauderdale, FL - Culture Room *
11.02.06 - St. Petersburg, FL - Jannus Landing *
11.03.06 - Charleston, SC - Music Farm *
11.04.06 - Asheville, NC - Orange Peel *
11.06.06 - Baltimore, MD - Sonar *
11.07.06 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club *
11.08.06 - Providence, RI - Lupo's *
11.09.06 - Philadelphia, PA - Electric Factory *
11.10.06 - Cleveland, OH - House of Blues *
11.11.06 - Ann Arbor, MI - Michigan Theater *

* w/ Do Make Say Think

There is a Game… That I Like to Play… And it is Called… KHANATE (Which Will Be Played No More)

Everyone, I'm very sorry to announce I have some bad news. The kings of sludge brutality have recently decided to step down from the throne. As of September 24, 2006, Khanate — composed of members Alan Dubin, Stephen O'Malley, James Plotkin, and Tim Wyskida — are no more. According to Blabbermouth.net, Plotkin announced that "due to the lack of commitment of certain members" he no longer wants to continue playing. Apparently, "some players are more concerned with personal careers and day jobs rather than the advancement of music as an artform (sic)." Now, I have a lot of respect for people who can balance a day job with a pretty significant career as an artist, but if I ever had to work alongside a member of Khanate, regardless of how they looked, I would be terrified. It's a shame that they couldn't work out some sort of system for the band equivalent to the mullet. So instead of "party" in the back, it would be "make insanely long, grating songs and promote the arts" randomly throughout the mane of life (but still in significant chunks).

Known for their extreme style of doom metal with drawn-out songs that slowly pummeled from the inside, Khanate will be sorely missed among the metal crowd. James Plotkin plans on continuing performing and creating new music with bandmate Tim Wyskida, and of course Stephen O'Malley will forever deafen ears with the delightful sounds of Sunn 0))). There will be two last Kleenexes of metal (ouch!) to wipe the remaining tears off of the faces of die-hard fans: the companion album to Capture and Release and a bonus disc of a reissue of their self-titled album in Japan, which will contain previously unreleased material. All of the fan-boys on the Southern Lord forums with their avatars of scantily-clad Asian women were weeping into their keyboards this week, but luckily the members with avatars of shocking, fucked-up shit reminded them that the band members will most likely all go on to create more music in a crazy hydra-effect that will forever immortalize Khanate. Thank god for doom metal.