Modest Mouse yawn out the announcement of a trifling handful of June dates because, whatever, they’re Modest Mouse and you’re nobody

Modest Mouse yawn out the announcement of a trifling handful of June dates because, whatever, they're Modest Mouse and you're nobody

Attention American Consumers:

This letter is being sent to inform you that [Modest Mouse] are a huge indie-crossover band. This claim has been substantiated by recent data conducted by several independent research companies, who have pointed out the following: they have played with musicians whom are British, and they have also decided not to play with musicians who are British just as casually. They have had songs on the radio and on television programs that your babysitter watches and on Kidz Bop albums that your child listens to and in movies that you have paid $14 to see and then talk about later at your job — the job that you use to define yourself whenever anyone asks. As such, the US government has granted [Modest Mouse] official 61-A-1 status, otherwise known as “Above it All” Status.

Please note that, in accordance with this status, [Modest Mouse] do not need to make and hock new records with any sort of consistency; that’s what bands who are poor do (and, needless to say, bands who are poor are of no help to this nation’s critical economic recovery). Please also note, however, that 61-A-1 bands certainly do not need to have and such new album “on the market” in order to coerce people into attending a frivolous string of East Coast US shows. By law, any fans in the vicinity who are able to afford and obtain tickets are required to do so, while any fans located elsewhere or who think that [Modest Mouse] are simply trotting out the classics at a few shows to keep their business in the black are hereby deemed Un-American and, as such, are advised to go and fuck themselves at their earliest convenience. Thank you for your time and consideration with regards to this highly important matter.

Modest Mouse Tourdates:

06.20.12 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
06.21.12 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
06.22.12 - Pittsburgh, PA - Stage AE
06.23.12 - Atlantic City, NJ - Bader Airfield (2012 Orion Music + More)
06.24.12 - Randall’s Island, NY - Randall’s Island Park (The Governors Ball Music Festival)
06.26.12 - Columbus, OH - Lifestyle Communities Pavilion

• Modest Mouse: http://www.modestmouse.com
• Epic: http://www.epicrecords.com

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