Of Montreal Sells Rights to “Bunny Ain’t No Kind Of Rider” For Kevin’s Porsche And Tour Fund To Yard Machines; Jingle Goes Like This: “Eva I’m Sorry, But You Will Never Have Me, To Me You’re Just Some Faggy Girl And I Need A Lover With A Snow Plower And You Ain’t Got No Snow Plower”

I know, I know! I'm so pissed off, too! Why don't you go start a petition to boycott Of Montreal or something? I'd totally sign! Oh, you should start a poll asking what color his Porsche should be too. Yeah!

I'd choose pink, because he'll probably be wearing his cute lil' pink cowboy boots for this newly expanded tour:

* with Grand Buffet, MGMT

Rogue Wave Release Asleep At Heaven’s Gate September 18; We All Wonder If It’s A Clue to 1.18.08 (Answer: It’s Not)

I've been going without sleep for days, after I saw the mysterious trailer for the untitled film produced by J.J. Abrams (of Lost fame) that played before Transformers. The film, currently being known as Cloverfield or 1.18.08, has been creating "ginormous" (yeah, I hate that word too, but I'll freely use it now that is it in Webster's dictionary) buzz due to its viral marketing campaign of mysterious clues and arcane websites. I think this is obviously lame, but a fun and stressful way to kill time at my job. My mind is so tired from searching for clues that anything could be a clue now.

For instance, I should be discussing the Rogue Wave album Asleep At Heaven's Gate due September 18 on Brushfire Records. However, all I can think about is how Rogue Wave might have something to do with that damn movie. FYI: I have no life other than TMT and catering to my Mr P altar/nudity room, so it is understandable that I am totally nerding-out on all the hype. Fuck this Rogue Wave news. Lead singer Zach Rogue gets enough attention anyway, like getting his music played on popular television shows like Weeds,Friday Night Lights, and Heroes. Okay, so there was that time when "Bird on a Wire" was playing at the abortion clinic where my sister was getting a... um... controversial procedure done. But that is neither a humorous nor entertaining story to share. I did get a free t-shirt from the whole experience though.

Eh, alright I forgot what I was rambling on about. I'm so tired. I should go to sleep. Okay, quick Rogue Wave wrap-up. Let me see, Asleep At Heaven's Gate was produced by Roger Moutenot (Elvis Costello, Yo La Tengo, Sleater Kinney), so that is a definite upside. The album will also feature guest appearances from Matthew Caws of Nada Surf and John Vanderslice. I know at least one TMT writer who would buy this album on the Vanderslice collaboration alone. The downside to this might be that Brushfire Records is a record label that was started by Jack Johnson and his wife in 2002. Do I despise Jack Johnson? Maybe I did at one point, but maybe the hate will wear off eventually.

Truthfully, I highly doubt Rogue Wave have anything to do with 1.18.08, but maybe this album will put me in much-needed peace. Still, I need some sort of clue. If you do know something Mr. Rogue, and you are keeping it secret, you better spill the beans. I mean why are you asleep at heaven's gate anyway? Is the monster up there? Is God the monster? I know you know. Tell me! I am now beginning to realize that maybe it's "us" who are the monsters. We are the consumers and the impatient fanboys who are as quick to realize our own downfall as we are to realize that premature ejaculation is not impressive to anyone.

Now, I must head back to the IMDB boards to obsess some more. I have learned nothing. But at least this article has been absolutely successful.

He Who Controls the Spice Controls the Universe: Microsoft Dune ZRM Cracked

A beginning is a very delicate time. Know, then, that it is the year two thousand seven. The known interblag is ruled by the... Vista Emperor... William the Gates... my... oh hell with it.

Last week, in a totally not unprecedented step in a years-long, time- and money-wasting tug of war, geeks everywhere let out an audible "kekeke" at the news that an elite h4X0r had cracked the DRM of Microsoft's Zune Marketplace -- the weird irony being that the two groups most affected by this news are Slashdot-reading technophiles and Zune Marketplace shoppers, forming a nice little well curve (against an x-axis of snobbery). The crack seems to have been achieved by the same guy who cracked Microsoft's DRM last time, and the time before that, and from whom Microsoft dropped a lawsuit earlier this year, on the basis that they knew nothing about him other than his totally rhombus handle, Viodentia.

Microsoft had developed this particular DRM technology to force its music shoppers to play purchased music on Zunes and Zunes only -- expecting, I suppose, that people would choose a digital music store before they chose a portable device? At any rate, they also began a "PlaysForSure" campaign, essentially offering shiny stickers to any devices that promised to play nice with Microsoft, particularly Vista, their new OS. Can this be construed as hypocrisy, or is it just a vague dicking over?

I don't know, I can't even think straight about it anymore. Honestly, if you had asked me yesterday, I'd have guessed that this happened months ago. Point is, with a little know-how, that Sting album you bought at the Zune Marketplace will play just fine on your iPod, at least until the next laughably brief DRM patch/crack do-si-do.

Les Savy Fav Set To Release New Record; Soft Rock Fans Tremble In Fear, Hide In Tall Bushes

Although the ever-so-lovely-to-listen-to crew of Les Savy Fav have released songs here and there since their previous record, the world has not been graced by a new long player by the quartet since 2001. (So that's why I've felt like there hasn't been anything worthwhile in my life since Radiohead released Amnesiac!) When the NY-based group is not busy pleasing all them blogs out there, they're busy collecting voicemail from eager fans, preparing them for their ultimate demise on their forthcoming disc, entitled Let's Stay Friends.

The album will be released on Frenchkiss Records and hosts an action-packed guestlist that even the most choice non-believer would admire. Featuring collaborations with Emily Haines (Metric), Nick Thorburn (Islands), Enon, Eleanor Friedberger (Fiery Furnaces), and Joe Plummer (Black Heart Procession), the 12-track disc will hit shelves September 18. That's right, folks... a Tuesday! How surprised are you that a new album is coming out on a Tuesday!?

Oh, that's right, you'd like to know what the song titles are. Don't you know that these lists of titles are almost meaningless until you hear the songs? Gosh!

Let's Stay Friends (even when I'm being a jerk):

* bonus track found only on the Chris Gliddon version (limited edition of 1 copy on CD-R)

Most are already aware of M.I.A.'s problems with acquiring a visa back in 2006. In addition to having genetic links to activists considered "Un-American," M.I.A.'s lingo regarding rubber-band bombs, purple haze, diversity and empowerment, Kate Moss mascara ads, boyz, and fast food were deemed completely unacceptable by U.S. leaders. Statements like "Don't sell out to product pushers," "Pull up the poor," "Put away your stupid gun, yo," and "Try something new" are NOT American. How can you be American if you're not a drooling, oblivious consumer? Leaked confidential documents confirm that Homeland Security thought her beats were too evil. We all thought the feds were gon' get her.

But M.I.A. is a fighter and back on the radar: as you all know, the follow-up to 2005's Arular, Kala, will be released on XL Recordings in Japan August 8 and in the UK August 20. Kala hits the United States August 21 via Interscope. Kala is reported to have been recorded in a number of different countries, and the video for the first single, "BirdFlu," is said to have been filmed in Jamaica. Kala is sprinkled with appearances by Afrikan Boy (Hussel), Wilcannia Mob (Mango Pickle Down River), and Timbaland (Come Around).

Kala dirty tracks:

* Björk (Say what! what!)

Kanye Can’t Write, Can’t Flow, And Can’t Rhyme, But Can’t He Also Not Edit Magazines Badly? (Quiz for Kanye: Can You Spot The Grammatical Error In This Headline?)

It looks like Kanye West has finally found a business venture that is as much of a commercial bastardization of hip-hop culture as he is. This fall, the Louis Vuitton pawn will guest edit Complex, a fashion magazine for rap listeners with iPhones. As it is doubtful that Kanye knows what a coordinating conjunction is, he probably won't do much actual editing. He is more likely to disguise poorly written articles by including lengthy quotes from talented, recently dead authors like Kurt Vonnegut (after having them rewritten by popular writers like Dan Brown). Of course, Kanye has already told his critics that they "Can't Tell [Him] Nothin'," which is just as well, as the previous sentence's analogy would probably be lost on him.

Kanye has chosen auto-tuned model Cassie as the fall issue's cover girl. Purely coincidentally, Cassie also appears in the video for Kanye's latest crime against music, "Stronger." The song "features" Daft Punk, in the same way that "Touch The Sky" features Curtis Mayfield. Sure, Daft Punk may "appear" in the video, but how can you prove it's not just Kanye and Cassie wearing Daft Punk masks?

Kanye, or "Ye" as he is known by assholes, is also preparing to release the follow-up to his first two albums, The College Dropout and Late Registration. The August release of the new album, Graduation, is highly anticipated by college radio DJs and sixteen-year-old girls alike. Ye has been pre-approved for a Grammy, which he is expected to accept at the ceremony while actually nailed to a crucifix. One can only imagine the praise that will follow album four, Working In Real Estate, or album five, Gradual Decline Into a Rote And Meaningless Existence In Order To Support Ungrateful Children Until Inevitable Death In A Nondescript Institutional Building.

It's easy to see why Kanye is so popular. Just check out these lyrics from "Stronger":

"Heard they'd do anything for a klondike/ Well I'd do anything for a blonde dyke"

In Kanye's defense, when not busy pretending to be upset with all the press he's receiving, he has often used his fame to illuminate various political issues, ranging from the government's involvement in the AIDS and crack epidemics to homophobia in hip-hop. And after all, he's no worse than Paul Wall, David Banner, Chamillionaire, T.I., Yung Joc, Juelz Santana, Rick Ross, Fabolous, Slim Thug, Lil' Flip, Z-Ro, Pastor Troy, Young Jeezy, Young Money, Chamillionaire, Bow Wow, Afroman, Lil Wayne, Peedi Crakk, Lil Wyte, Young Buck, Jim Jones, cpulfer, Diddy, Bun B, Mike Jones, Rich Boy, Swizz Beatz, Ja Rule, J-Kwon, Chingy, Petey Pablo, Papoose, Unk, Dem Franchise Boys, Clipse, Pretty Ricky, Ying Yang Twins, The Black Eyed Peas, or Three 6 Mafia, and none of those dudes produced "Izzo."

  

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