More tours and more whoring myself out. Seriously, I have no shame. This entire article is dedicated to me getting an interview with Justice. I mean there is some information about the Mountain Goats, but I’m just honestly trying to get my editors’ attention.

I have asked around (roughly 4.5 billion people), and they have said there are two things that would make them happy: a Mountain Goats tour and reading an interview with Justice done by Petya Romanov. I know this sounds farcical, or maybe you think I’m just saying this so my editors will cave and try and hook me up with an interview, but seriously. I have testimony:

“Number one favorite act to catch live would have to be The Mountain Goats. And if only Petya had the opportunity to interview Justice, then and only then, would I sleep soundly,” said a U.S. soldier stationed in an Iraqi hospital after friendly fire.

“Most anticipated tour? The Mountain Goats, of course! Most anticipated interview? Petya doing Justice of course!” exclaimed Tony Blair shortly after stepping down as British P.M.

“Yeah I ate goat once! Tastes great over fried rice,” said Harry Caray, just before he picked the sun as his favorite planet.

“Picture the Mountain Goats going on tour with Justice. Now picture the tour being documented by Petya Romanov from TMT. That would be the biggest disaster since Robert Downey Jr. decided it was a good idea to snort three kilos of coke off my grandma’s ass and call it sledding,” said Bono.

You get the point. The Mountain Goats are going on tour, and I still want to land an interview with Justice. So, here is where you, the valued reader, come in. E-mail the interview heads here at the site, Mr P and/or Leveer. Tell them how much it means to you to read an interview with Justice. Tell them that my first interview with Sunset Rubdown was just a rookie mistake, you know, nerves and gas and a hyperactive pituitary gland.

And yeah, The Mountain Goats are going on tour.

* Bowerbirds

SoundExchange Make Attempt to Not Suck, The Attempt Sucks, They Suck: Royalty Fees Capped Only for Anti-Streamripping Stations

I was briefly shaken out of a morbid heatwave torpor last week when the recording industry appeared -- if only for a fleeting, beautiful moment -- to show just a modicum of common decency. I’m referring to SoundExchange’s agreement (under congressional pressure) to temporarily cap the onerous royalty fees they were preparing to impose upon internet radio stations. Those new fees would have theoretically cost some stations no less than a billion dollars a year and, as an obvious consequence, force them to stop broadcasting. The new agreement stipulated that these fees would be capped at a maximum of $50,000 per year, per station.

As you might have guessed, however, there’s a rather big catch in the whole deal that SoundExchange proposed. They’re now saying that the $50,000 ‘cap’ on webcasters’ fees will only be made available to those stations who “work to stop users from engaging in “streamripping” -- turning internet radio performances into a digital music library.” It’s not as if the RIAA mob have even provided any information as to how they actually want the stations to “work to stop” streamripping. Without such divine guidance being available, it would be fair to infer that what they want is for the internet radio industry to basically lock down all of their content with so much DRM that, before long, the shit will be gushing out of your tweeters like a veritable torrent of necessarily emasculated gism. I say this because there’s really no other way of ‘protecting’ the music broadcast on web radio from the claws of stream-ripping software; although it does seem to appear that no one even knows if it would actually be feasible to fully implement DRM in the web radio sphere.

It’ll be interesting to see what transpires from here. SoundExchange’s stance appears to be a blatant attempt at self-aggrandizement -- they want to make sure everyone knows that they still consider themselves to be the fucking daddy when it comes to this issue, despite last week’s beatdown. The difference is that the imposition of web radio fees, when compared to the other agendas the industry has been pursuing of late, is one where the various arms of government have not currently thrown their support fully behind the RIAA line. Added to that, the vagueness of the language used by SoundExchange suggests that even THEY don’t really know what they’re proposing here. Fun all 'round. Except if you listen to internet radio, of course.

As is always the case with this issue, you can read more at SaveNetRadio.

Justice Tours Solely on Acronyms; I Shamelessly Beg for an Interview

I feel this need to bite my flesh and prove reality exists, because the French dance duo, Justice, or Justeece, is touring. And I’m back from an unannounced hiatus. I’m back only because of Justice. I tried to write a story about Collective Soul and how, no matter how hip I think I am now, when I look back on my life, I can't erase the time I sang “Shine” in the backseat of my mother’s Honda Accord. And it was in the very same car that I sat on my way to see the Counting Crows paired with Live. Yes, I was that cool. But Justice has saved me. I am back. I am wearing tapered jeans and v-neck shirts with a long metallic necklace and Ray-Ban wayfarers. I say do the D-A-N-C-E and pretend to be a P.Y.T. And now, I’m calling forth all of you readers to tell my editor I deserve to do an interview with the Waters of Nazareth. I want to go to “The Party” with Uffie. And I want to dance with you at the Metro or Parklife in Australia or Webster Hall in NYC, but most likely the Metro in Chicago. (Oh yeah, please e-mail Mr P or Leah and tell them Petya should get two tickets to the Metro show, so he can get down to business). Much love you P.Y.T.s.

More tours and more whoring myself out. Seriously, I have no shame. This entire article is dedicated to me getting an interview with Justice. I mean there is some information about the Mountain Goats, but I’m just honestly trying to get my editors’ attention.

I have asked around (roughly 4.5 billion people), and they have said there are two things that would make them happy: a Mountain Goats tour and reading an interview with Justice done by Petya Romanov. I know this sounds farcical, or maybe you think I’m just saying this so my editors will cave and try and hook me up with an interview, but seriously. I have testimony:

“Number one favorite act to catch live would have to be The Mountain Goats. And if only Petya had the opportunity to interview Justice, then and only then, would I sleep soundly,” said a U.S. soldier stationed in an Iraqi hospital after friendly fire.

“Most anticipated tour? The Mountain Goats, of course! Most anticipated interview? Petya doing Justice of course!” exclaimed Tony Blair shortly after stepping down as British P.M.

“Yeah I ate goat once! Tastes great over fried rice,” said Harry Caray, just before he picked the sun as his favorite planet.

“Picture the Mountain Goats going on tour with Justice. Now picture the tour being documented by Petya Romanov from TMT. That would be the biggest disaster since Robert Downey Jr. decided it was a good idea to snort three kilos of coke off my grandma’s ass and call it sledding,” said Bono.

You get the point. The Mountain Goats are going on tour, and I still want to land an interview with Justice. So, here is where you, the valued reader, come in. E-mail the interview heads here at the site, Mr P and/or Leveer. Tell them how much it means to you to read an interview with Justice. Tell them that my first interview with Sunset Rubdown was just a rookie mistake, you know, nerves and gas and a hyperactive pituitary gland.

And yeah, The Mountain Goats are going on tour.

* Bowerbirds

TMT’s Top Fictional, Semi-Fictional, & Non-Fictional Riverboat Gamblers of All-Time, Tour

5. Bret Maverick (from the 1994 smash Maverick) – Mel can play some cards. ‘Nuff said.
4. Riverboat Gamblin’ Gator (from Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Summer Vacation) – I don’t know much about this fella except that I made his name up. As I recall, Babs attempts to get even with Buster by unleashing a Hoover-sized dam, chock full of water, upon their unsuspecting city. She neglects to take into account Buster’s exuberant love of water sports, and somehow the two end up floating down the river, Huck Finn style, unearthing the deep racial prejudices of their cartoon, assumedly post-Reconstruction world. I think this gator tries to eat them.
3. Governor Haley Barbour (R-MS) - After Hurricane Katrina damaged one of Mississippi’s most lucrative industries -- gambling -- the governor signed legislation allowing casinos, once relegated to offshore digs, the ability to operate up to 800 feet inland. These new casinos, though economically beneficial (unless we want to get into the effects of casino gambling on surrounding communities), could pose a threat to residents looking to rebuild their homes and lives in the diverse, mixed-income neighborhoods of East Biloxi. Reconstruction at a cost? All that makes him the anti-riverboat gambler, I guess.
2. Mark Twain – Such a riverboat gamblin’ fool, he’s got an armada of riverboats (1) (2), even though he’s been dead for 97 years. Them boats ain’t even in the same time-zone. Talk about some supernatural chicanery. Rumor has it that during a secret meeting with known alchemist and voodoo practitioner Nikola Tesla, Twain dared the pomade-covered Serb to chant an incantation over the humorist’s ruffly moustache. To this day, visitors of Twain’s grave in Elmira, NY claim to hear the moustache, overgrown and surly as ever, scraping against the top of his coffin, attempting to escape and ride those aptly-named riverboats once again.

1.

Everyone’s Favorite Non-Metallica Metal-Caricatures Megadeth to Kick Our Asses, Fuck Our Moms, Huff Our Paint Cans, Play Air-Guitar On Our Crucifixes, Re-perm Their Gorgeous Hair, and Tour U.S. This Fall; Dave Mustaine to TMT: “Nice Story, Tell it to Reader’s Digest!”

Hello me, it's me again:

Everyone's favorite Metallica-ousted, drug-addled, Fozzy Bear-voiced paragon of thrash metal douche baggery Dave Mustane is back for another round of PG-rated Armageddon poetry and classical guitar-inspired wank-offs with good ol' spelling bee drop-outs Megadeth.

Fresh off a string of European festival appearances (if "fresh" is a word that could ever really apply here), Dave Mustaine and Co. will hit (read: batter, pulverize, etc.) mostly theaters and clubs for a month-long string... uh, I mean... badass iron chain of headlining dates in support of May's apparently critically-acclaimed and reeeeally classy pun-invoking LP United Abominations (Roadrunner).

Pre-sale tickets are available now through the group's undoubtedly high-traffic fanclub website (which, TRUST ME, is worth checking out for the artwork alone) and will go on sale to the, er, "general buying public" over the next few days... so, you know, we’d all better hustle...

The Countdown to Extinction:

You’re welcome.