My Bloody Valentine Announced as Headliners for ATP New York on My Fucking Birthday

P, I swear on Thurston Moore's grave, if this is a joke, I quit.

Instead of writing a cohesive story about ATP New York and its lineup, I will simply retype the text messages I sent once I was clued in, with explanation if needed:

9:42 PM: ATP IS COMING TO FUCKING MONTICELLO (Monticello, NY is known only for its status as an impoverished vestige of the Borscht Belt, its overabundance of exploitative casinos... and one incredibly creepy topless bar.)
9:44 PM: AND MBV ARE PLAYING, HAHA LONDON (This is the first time My Bloody Valentine have played a show in the United States in 16 years. Yes, haha, London. You thought you got them all to yourself.)
9:49 PM: oh my god and built to spill playing all of perfect from now on PERFECT PERFECT AHH (This one is pretty obvious, I think.)
9:52 PM: wow and shellac + thee silver mount zion + low + mogwai = exploding brain of heaviness (...)
9:54 PM: and i am going to eat thurston moore's FACE (Thurston Moore will be performing Psychic Hearts in its entirety.)
9:56 PM: yeah i hope we can get off work for three days and i hope i can get a press pass because uh wow no single day passes, that blows (ATP New York requires total 3-day commitment, and only 3,000 passes will be sold.)
9:59 PM: actually maybe if i tell the publicist that it's on my birthday and somehow bat my eyelashes via email this will work (The dates are September 19-21 <=== That is my birthday. The last one, I mean. My birth did not take three days. My mom would not be speaking to me if that were the case.)
10:03 PM: just in case can you go to the website and check? my boss likes to pee a lot sometimes and he has to walk past my desk so it's awkward when he sees me minimize everything that is not actual work (Tickets go on sale this Friday, April 25, here.)

O great initial lineup, I am not worthy:

Dirty Projectors Sign with Domino Records Because They Are White, Recording Two New LPs

Domino Records sure knows how to rope 'em in! Home to artists like Animal Collective, Four Tet, and Clinic, Domino has recently signed Dirty Projectors, according to Billboard. Who next? Radiohead??

The follow-up to Rise Above (TMT Review) is expected next year. Actually, I should say follow-ups, as Billboard is reporting that Dave Longstreth and co. are "preparing two releases at once, one of which will constitute its Domino debut in early 2009." So, who will get the other album? Marriage Records? Dead Oceans? Western Vinyl? Man, must feel nice to be white and have so many choices!

& Battles

Merge Records Set to Release Conor Oberst Solo LP

Cutie patooey Conor Oberst, best known for fronting the not-sellout band Bright Eyes and for looking good, is releasing his first solo album in roughly 13 years via Merge Records. Recorded in Mexico and produced by Oberst and Andy LeMaster, the self-titled (of course) release will feature a "special band" known as The Mystic Valley Band, who will surely have a little less brightness and a little more mystique, if my inside sources are to be trusted.

Conor Oberst is expected August 5. Oberst's first three solo releases were released on cassette, so if anything, this new Merge release is an indication that this boy is going places. I suppose that's what you get for having a flawless nose.

Conor Oberst tracklist:

Subtle Tour, Ready New Album + Graphic Novel, Make Funny Pictures, and Generally Do Not Live Up to Their Name

Attention all other musical acts: Independent hip-hop innovators Subtle are about to make you look like a bunch of lazy slobs, based on the fact that they will be dropping the following items on us, much to our delight. Ahem:

1. A new album! Ah-doy. ExitingARM comes out May 13 on Lex Records, promising to be the most accessible Subtle record yet. Yeah, that's what they all say. Except they seem pretty serious about all of this, so I wouldn't fuck with them. Subtle specialize in making music that's equal parts beautiful and credible, IMHO, so let's get our hopes up, shall we?
2. An online graphic novel. In case you haven't noticed, the graphic novel has total status these days, so feel free to correct anyone who jabs you for reading online comics. They're graphic novels, GOD! The Ought Almanac of Amassed Fact Vol. I accompanies the new album, and you can read it here.
3. A possible show on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, featuring the collaborations of Subtle frontman Doseone and animator Ghostshrimp, with Doseone lending his vocal chops. Doseone also animates "NOTgarfield" with the help of bandmate Jeffrey “Jel”” Logan - check it.
4. A tour is a tour, of cour ... that didn't work at all:

RIAA Sues Homeless Man For Cardboard Boxes, Can of Beans, Cool Stick Thing With Tied Polka Dot Kerchief on It

Seriously. In Warren v. Berry, the RIAA recently sued a homeless man. Rumor has it they were in it for the shopping cart.


The Hold Steady to Hold Steady on Plans of Global Domination, License Album to Rough Trade

"Gonna walk around and drink some more" might be a fine credo for the generally drug-addled laze-abouts that populate the scraggly yarns spun by Brooklyn-via-Minneapolis singer and Hold Steady frontman Craig Finn, but the trajectories of the real-life Finn and his chops-laden, avant-bar band members are looking infinitely more purposeful than that these days.

Well, okay... they're probably still going to do a lot of drinking, but at least they'll be doing a lot more traveling while they do (let's hope that someone else is driving, huh?).

Case in point, the famously thirsty band has recently signed a deal that will have their new album released through the legendary Rough Trade label in the UK and Europe, with the distribution rights being licensed from the boys' home team of Vagrant Records.

In a much more coherent statement than one might expect, Finn stated that the band is "really excited to begin this relationship with Rough Trade" for their fourth album, which of course will constitute the follow-up to 2006's breakthrough slice of Springsteen-on-Kerouac pie known as Boys and Girls in America (TMT Review). "From The Smiths to The Strokes, they have consistently released music from great artists and we are honoured to be a part of the roster. Rough Trade records have been part of my own collection since I started buying my own records in the early 1980s."

Hey, way to date yourself there, Craig.

Oh, and speaking of dates (seamless!), the band will also be doing a few victory laps around their new territory this spring. Catch them if you can, and maybe you can by them a drink to walk around with... or I guess "fly" around with, since they're big-time now.
05.11.08 - Camber Sands, UK - ATP
05.13.08 - Dublin, IE - Academy
05.14.08 - Belfast, UK - Spring and Airbrake
05.16.08 - Brighton, UK - Great Escape