Gorillaz Realize They’ve Got a Whole Bunch of Useless Shit in Their Cupboards, Decide to Make Their Fans Pay Through the Nose for It
By Nunpuncher on Oct 16 2006
I guess Damon Albarn doesn't have enough money, or something (I guess hiring Danger Mouse to make your album for you doesn't come cheap OH SNAP ALBARN FEEL THE BURN), but it turns out that Gorillaz are releasing, like, everything... ever. Seriously. With any other band, their work-rate would be impressive, but seeing as (1) precious little new actual music is being released, (2) the entire thing stinks of bare-faced commercialism, and (3) I just accidentally cut a great big chunk out of my finger and I'm feeling all crotchety (using only a bottle cap and a lighter — seriously, I'm like the MacGuyver of self-harm), I'm going to be all bitter for a bit. If you want happy, just go straight past this one. There's probably a nice story about Man Man or something next.
First of all, Gorillaz are releasing a set of EPs, available only on iTunes, called the "Give All Your Money To Damon Albarn And Steve Jobs So They Can Build A Big Swimming Pool Full Of Cash And Swim Round In It Openly Admiring Each Other's Sharply Toned Buttocks Hidden Only By A Tight Pair Of Black Speedoes" Series. First up comes the DARE EP, released October 24. The Dirty Harry, El Manana, and Feel Good Inc. EPs follow every two or three weeks up until December 26. The DARE EP tracklist is as follows:
1. DARE - Demon Days Live in Harlem (Video)
2. DARE - animatic (Video)
3. Clint Eastwood Live - featuring De La Soul and Bootie Brown / The Pharcyde
4. People (which is DARE original demo) (Audio Only)
Once you've bought the DARE EP and are once more struggling to fight the desperate feeling of emptiness that gnaws — forever gnaws — at your heart, Gorillaz are giving you the opportunity to fend it off once again with petty commercialism. This time it is with the Slowboat to Hades DVD! "Following up the fantastically successful Phase One - Celebrity Takedown DVD companion to Gorillaz' self-titled 2001 debut, Slowboat to Hades rounds up the Demon Days era's award-winning videos, hi-tech performances, inventive animated shorts, acceptance speeches and more," the press release reads. Oh, goody.
What's that? Still got some money? Why, that'll never do. You need toys! Luckily, Kidrobot have you covered. They're releasing soft vinyl figures of the Gorillaz, each in their own box, varying in height from 6-1/4 inches to 8-1/4 inches. Make up your own fucking joke, I'm tired.
FINALLY, Gorillaz are also releasing their autobiography, Rise Of The Ogre, "the story of the world's most successful virtual group, as told by all four members of the band assisted by writer Cass Browne." To clarify: that's Gorillaz' story. The story of the band, Gorillaz. The band that does not even fucking exist. It is being designed by James Hewlett, though, so at least it will look pretty.
Tune in tomorrow when we exclusively reveal Gorillaz's line of scented soaps and bubblebaths.
By Sonai on Oct 16 2006
El gran país de España nos invita a su Tanned Tin Festival de 2006. Van a tener una demostración süper chingona! (Süper Chingona = Super Cool) Invitaron a artistas de todo el mundo. Bueno, mas bien nomás de tres países. Pero, de todos modos va ser un evento chingón. Invitaron a artistas independientes e internacionales. No te lo pierdes. El festival se localiza en la ciudad de Castellón, Spain y los eventos en el Teatre Principal. Este evento musical empieza el November 8 through 12. El teatro es un lugar hermoso con acüsticos impresionantes. Se puede comprar boletos por el internet o por teléfono. Tickets cost 14 Euros for Thursday, 20 Euros for Saturday, and 20 Euros for Sunday. Sorry, no 3-day passes. Looks like you?re SOL. Pónganse trucha y guarden sus centavitos para ir a este evento. Acuérdense, va estar süper chingón!
TMT le gusta tu hermana y schedule goes as follows:
Wednesday, November 8
Centro Municipal de Cultura - 6:30 PM and Free
Anneleis Monsere (BE)
Thursday, November 9
Teatro Principal de Castellón - 9:30 PM
Litius (SP)
Psychic Ills (US)
The Secret Society (SP)
I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness (US)
Lisa Germano (US)
Friday, November 10
Casino Antiguo - 1:00PM and Free
Remate (SP)
David Thomas Broughton (SP)
Matt Elliott (FA)
Teatro Principal de Castellón - 8:00 PM
Manyfingers (UK)
Hrsta (CA)
Carla Bozulich (US)
The Montgolfier Brothers (UK)
Six Organs Of Admittance (US)
Darren Hayman and Band (UK)
The Radio Dept. (SW)
M. Ward (US)
Saturday, November 11
Casino Antiguo - 1:00PM and Free
Grupo Salvage y El Hijo (SP)
(Presenting the autobiography, "Man In Black" by Johnny Cash)
Teatro Principal de Castellón - 8:00PM
Apse (US)
Mouthus (US)
Nick Castro (US)
David Grubbs (US)
Magik Markers (US)
Dakota Suite (UK)
Okkervel River (US)
His Name Is Alive (US)
Portastatic (US)
Sunday, November 12
Casino Antiguo - 1:00PM and Free
Spires That In The Sunset Rise (US)
The One Ensemble (UK)
Instal Festival Kicks Off Tonight; Showcases Today’s Most Innovative Underground Musicians (You Know, Probably Groups Like The Postal Service And Stuff)
By Squeo on Oct 13 2006
It's that time of the year again. Time for all those people with better ideas and cooler names than you to descend upon The Arches in Glasgow for a weekend of free jazz, restricted noise, and comfortably snug experimentation. Last year's Instal Festival brought the likes of Sun City Girls, Birchville Cat Motel, and spotlight-hog Jandek under one roof; and this year's line-up looks comparably juicy. Avant-garde acts from all over the world have been chosen to perform, and in many cases they'll be collaborating with one another on stage. Interesting pairings like Keiji Haino and Tony Conrad are the name of this year's game.
In addition to the main stage festivities, on Friday and Saturday night there will be a special Incest Infest Stage highlighting emerging underground musical artists specifically from Scotland and the rest of the UK. Notable playas on this stage include Birds of Delay (because I've seen them once) and Kylie Minoise (because LOL). For the small number of TMT readers that are not based in Glasgow, Instal will kindly be providing free downloads of all the performances on their web site.
Main Stage:
Friday, 10.13.06:
Blood Stereo + Ludo Mich
Ellen Fullman + Sean Meehan
Nmperign (pictured) + Jason Lescalleet
Oshiri Penpenz
Saturday, 10.14.06:
Lee Patterson
Steve Baczkowski + Ravi Padmanabha
Lethe
Keiji Haino + Tony Conrad
The Bohman Brothers
Jazkamer
Sunday, 10.15.06:
Tetsuya Umeda
Sachiko
Arrington de Dionyso
Kuwayama + Kijima
Eye Contact
Maryanne Amacher
Infest Stage:
Friday, 10.13.06:
Usurper
Jazzfinger
Polly Shang Kuan Band
Wounded Knee
Kylie Minoise
NOMA + Shareholder
Saturday, 10.14.06:
Red Kites
Birds of Delay + Nackt Insecten
Hockyfrilla
Ben Reynolds
Opaque
Picture: Seth Tisue
Fatherly Act of Love, or Sign of the Apocalypse? You Be the Judge While David Bowie Does Voice-Overs for Spongebob Squarepants
By Papaya on Oct 13 2006
Who's joining with Nicktoons to fill kids with glee? (Da-vid Bo-wie)
A voice on an upcoming special is he! (Da-vid Bo-wie)
...okay, I've only seen the show like once in my life, so I can't go much farther with my alternate theme song bit. Regardless, I think that in those two short lines, I said all there really is to say. Yes, David Bowie will soon be joining the long list of seemingly reputable musical artists to affiliate themselves with that which is at the same time a child's dream come true and a tailor's worst nightmare: David Bowie is going to be on Spongebob Squarepants.
The Thin White Duke will be uniting with The Rectilinear Yellow Sponge for an upcoming special in which he will lend his voice to a character who goes by the name "Lord Royal Highness" — a title that suits Bowie 30 years ago more so than today, but no matter. Furthermore, Bowie claims that he accepted the role because his six-year old daughter is a fan of the show. You know, when I was six, I asked my dad if he would do a guest spot on Salute Your Shorts for me as a half-birthday present, and what do you think the old fart said? "That's impossible, son, I love you but..." Yeah, but nothin'. Save it for our therapist, asshole. Jesus, all I wanted was a fatherly show of affection. Apparently David Bowie loves his kids enough for that. I'm too upset to continu
99 Problems, But an Eggroll Ain’t One! That’s Probably the Joke That Got Jay-Z Banned in China
By Emceegreg on Oct 13 2006
The Jigga-man himself is once again the victim in a dispute with goofy, GOOFY China. Jay-Z's scheduled performance at Shanghai's Honkou Stadium on October 23 has been hella cancelled. However, this time around Jahova wasn't discriminated because he "was black," or because he was "driving 55 in a 54." (You know... that line has always bothered me.) Anyway, China disapproved of Jay-Z's rompish lyrics and declared the rapper too vulgar for the Communist country.
China has been censoring the arts and the media since the senselessly racist Wang Chung had their senselessly racist mega-hit "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight (That's What Every Guy's Name Is In China)." If you recall, the FCC did not go as far as to ban the song in America, but instead made a deal where those bastard racists removed the parenthetical. And in actualness, The Rolling Stones were almost banned earlier this year as well. But they weren't because they agreed not to play their filthy sex anthems, "Honkey Tonk Women" and "Brown Sugar." (And then Cockle wrote an amazing review of it!)
Jay-Z, real name Sean Carter (that's news in itself!), was probably smoking a fatty when he heard this news, and I'm going to go out on a limb and assume he was crushed. Poor man was probably waiting for the Chinese Culture Ministry to josh him big with a clichéd, "I make joke/ I go pee pee in your coke." Funny story, but my Asian friend Paul actually did that to me once.
In due respect to rapper/mogul/retiree/Jayonce/out-of-retirement/we-get-it Jay's current turmoil, I have rewritten the lyrics to the date-rape classic "Big Pimpin" to make it racist of the postmodern sort (ex: haha, world is all good, haha):
"Big Pimpin (Nasty China Version)" feat. emceegreg and Three-six Mafia:
You know I
Thug em
FUCK em
Hug em
Leave em
Cause I don't FUCKIN' need em
Woodchucks chuck wood
But China ain't no good
Yeah, I don't FUCKIN' feed em
They wanna start a fuss I'm breezin'
Talking 'bout
Censorship reasons
I'm a pimp all over the world, BITCH
I don't trust or believe em
In my butt, that's where I keep em
'Til I need to nut
All up in that China gut
Y'all be frontin'
Me give my heart to a Chinaman
Not for nothin'
Never happened
I be forever whackin'
More hardcore than anal assassins
I got no passion
You're just no longer finger lickin?
When I boycott General Tso's chicken
Ho get your ass in
And let's RI-I-I-I-I-IDE
(This is the chorus guys)
We doin' Big pimpin
I don't like the Chinese
Kick em out now
Big pimpin'
Smokin' some trees
We doin' Big pimpin' I think I gots a disease
It's just that Jigga-man
Jackie Chan and maybe Jet Li
Check em out now (Repeat)
Tourdates (other parts of the world don't mind the nasty):
10.13.06 - Durban, SAF - ABSA Stadium
10.14.06 - Johannesburg, SAF - Coca Coloa Dome
10.18.06 - Bangkok, THA - BEC-Thero Hall
10.20.06 - Seoul, SKO - Gayagum Concert Hall
10.21.06 - Taipei, TAI - Taipei Super Dome
10.25.06 - Sydney, AUS - Sydney Entertainment Centre *
10.26.06 - Brisbane, AUS - Brisbane Entertainment Centre *
10.27.06 - Brisbane, AUS - Brisbane Entertainment Centre *
10.28.06 - Melbourne, AUS - Rod Laver Arena *
* w/ Roc Tha Block
![ZS - Grain [EP]](http://www.tinymixtapes.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/Thumbnail/1304/zs grain.jpg)
