Michael Stipe: All right guys, we need to pick some hip openers for this upcoming tour so people realize we’re still a relevant band.
Mike Mills: But, Michael, our last album came out in 2004, and all three of us are in our early-‘50s or late-‘40s. We’re no spring chickens here!
Peter Buck: He’s right, you know.
Stipe: Sigh. Fine, I guess you’re both right. Sometimes it’s just hard for me to admit that we’re not as cool as we were during the ‘90s.
Buck: No worries, man, the fans are still out there.
Mills: I think you’re onto something though, Michael. We need to book some up-and-comers for this tour, if we ever want to land a new generation of fans.
Buck: What about that National band?
Stipe: National? What kind of a band name is that?
Mills: No, they’re pretty good actually. I read about them on one of those blogging websites. Apparently they’re originally from the Midwest, they have self-deprecating lyrics, and they love The Boss.
Stipe: Well, any band that loves Bruce is fine by me. Let’s give ‘em a call!
Buck: Hey, do you guys think we should try and get a cool sponsor for this tour as well? I hear those youngsters really like that PBR drink... what about PBR Presents: R.E.M. Summer 2008?
Mills: Yeah, Peter, you took it a bit too far there. Let's just add Modest Mouse too and call it a day. I need a steam anyway.
See The National live out their boyhood fantasies by opening for R.E.M. at the following dates:
02.22.08 – Brooklyn, NY – Brooklyn Academy of Music (BAM), Brooklyn Next Festival
02.23.08 – Brooklyn, NY – Brooklyn Academy of Music (BAM)
05.23.08 – Vancouver, BC – Deer Lake Park &
05.29.08 – Los Angeles, CA – Hollywood Bowl &
05.31.08 – Los Angeles, CA – Greek Theater &
06.03.08 – Denver, CO – Red Rocks Amphitheatre &
06.06.08 – Chicago, IL – United Center &
06.08.08 – Toronto, ON – Molson Amphitheatre &
06.10.08 – Raleigh, NC – Walnut Creek Amphitheatre &
06.11.08 – Columbia, MD – Merriweather Post Pavilion &
06.13.08 – Boston, MA – Tweeter Center &
06.14.06 – Long Island, NY – Jones Beach &
06.18.08 – Philadelphia, PA – Mann Center &
06.21.08 – Atlanta, GA – Lakewood Amphitheatre &
& R.E.M., Modest Mouse