Neil Hamburger launches North American/Australian tour; each show guarantees $1 in comedy gold

Neil Hamburger launches North American/Australian tour; each show guarantees $1 in comedy gold

Neil Hamburger isn’t just a Funnyman. He’s a kind man. A caring man. A generous man. One who brings laughs to his audience for a low, low (seriously low) price and gives lazy journalists all the dollar menu/hamburger/etc. jokes anyone with a computer and a strong desire to stop typing and just watch last week’s episode of Homeland could ever want. That’s right, America AND Australia! Neil Hamburger, $1 comedian, is launching a tour, and he’s coming to you!

And he’s bringing such comedic delights as reverse-aging blonde wunderkind Tim Heidecker, guy-with-too-many-names Major Entertainer Mike H, handsome olde-tyme traveling peddler of smooth-yet-probably-unsafe-and-not-clinically-effective medical remedies Dr. El Suavo, and the Texas-loving Alvarius B. And all with a guarantee of $1 belly laughs! Imagine! College kids, street people, and actual children can all afford that! Fair warning, though: be careful who you hit on at this event, it could be a six-year-old standing on another six-year-old’s shoulders.


11.08.13 - Philadelphia, PA - Johnny Brenda’s *
11.09.13 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom *
11.14.13 - Santa Cruz, CA - The Crepe Place #
11.15.13 - Sacramento, CA - Sacramento Comedy Spot #
11.24.13 - Los Angeles, CA - The Satellite
12.01.13 - Melbourne, Australia - The Toff in Town $
12.06.13 - Sydney, Australia - Marrickville Bowling Club $
12.13.13 - Hobart, Australia - Brisbane Hotel $
12.15.13 - Melbourne, Australia - Northcote Social Club $
12.29.13 - Los Angeles, CA - The Satellite
01.09.14 - Dallas, TX - Sons of Hermann Hall %
01.10.14 - Austin, TX - The North Door %
01.11.14 - Houston, TX - Walter’s %

* Tim Heidecker
# Major Entertainer Mike H
$ Dr. El Suavo
% Alvarius B.

• Neil Hamburger:

[Photo: Chad Pelton]

Mastodon plan Live at Brixton, out December 10, which is pretty neat for those of us afraid of the outside

There’s this two-inch spot on my right forearm that’s super sensitive to being touched by other humans and it’s kept me from going to rock shows my whole life. Like, I’ve seen some soft stuff where you just kinda mill around and nod your head, but anything more aggressive keeps me at home, bundled up in a blanket, dreaming of a doctor willing to do under-the-table amputations. As you can imagine, I’ve often invited friends over to jostle the left side of my body in an effort to simulate the rough grasp of the mosh pit, and as you can further imagine, I’m pretty into live albums.

Keeping all that unnecessary personal information in mind, there’s probably not going to be a whole lot of space left in this post for me to quote the press release about how Mastodon are “really super duper good” and “you should listen to them, bucko” here, but I’ll summarize the basics. Live at Brixton was recorded on February 11 in 2012 at London’s O2 Academy. It was a sold-out show and it was a big ol’ highpoint for Mastodon’s tour supporting 2011’s The Hunter (TMT Review). In addition to the audio-only version of the concert’s 96-minute girth, a live video version directed by Ryan Mackfall will be available. It looks like the show is a digital-only release, and will be available from all the digital retailers you know (e.g. iTunes and Amazon), and probably many you don’t know (e.g. those ones that are in Russian that try to trick you into accidentally clicking ads for weird sex toys).

Anyway, back to me. Can you guess my plans for December 10? What if I told you that’s the the release date for this Mastodon live album? What if I also told you that I pretty regularly write the word “mastodon” in all caps on receipts instead of my signature, and that the one time I tried to take the subway in New York City left me screaming for weeks? You have guessed correctly! My friends are coming over, I’m going to numb my senses with alcohol, and we’re going to have the grandest time jostling approximately 50% of my body!

Live at Brixton tracklisting:

01. Dry Bone Valley
02. Black Tongue
03. Crystal Skull
04. I Am Ahab
05. Capillarian Crest
06.Colony of Birchmen
07. Megalodon
08. Thickening
09. Blasteroid
10. Sleeping Giant
11. Ghost of Karelia
12. All The Heavy Lifting
13. Spectrelight
14. Curl of the Burl
15. Bedazzled Fingernails
16. Circle of Cysquatch
17. Aqua Dementia
18. Crack The Skye
19. Where Strides The Behemoth
20. Iron Tusk
21. March of the Fireants
22. Blood and Thunder
23. Creature Lives

• Mastodon:
• Warner Bros.:

Mogwai keep making new albums and touring like the good stouthearted, stifflipped [Scottish] lads they are

Yup. It’s been almost 20 years now, but little old post-rockers Mogwai (you remember little old post-rockers Mogwai, don’t you?) are still out there bein’ little old post-rockin’ Mogwai. In fact, they’re touring this winter (behind a new album that I’m going to tell you more about in a few seconds). Isn’t that admirable? No? Well, I don’t care. To me it is.

Plus, either way, the fact is that this new album thing I was just talking about is actually their eighth studio album (which, yeah, means you’re old now). It’s titled Rave Tapes and will be raving its way over to you on CD, LP, and digital (the download kind) come this January 20 via Rock Action/Sub Pop! So… at least that’s something. Isn’t it? No?? Well, I don’t care. To me it is.

So, yeah. The thing’s got 10 tracks and follows up 2011’s Hardcore Will Never Die, But You Will (TMT Review) and was produced “by the band with returning associate Paul Savage (Mogwai’s Young Team, Delgados, Arab Strap)”, and you can check out the first track, “Remurdered,” for absolutely zero dollars, cents, pounds, or pence simply by clicking the little icon down below right before the tour schedule! Isn’t that just the best, most convenient thing ever? No??? Well… naw, actually, this time I agree with you. I’m probably not really going to listen to it right now either. And fuck, I’m the one doing the write-up!!

Rave Tapes tracklisting:

01. Heard About You Last Night
02. Simon Ferocious
03. Remurdered
04. Hexon Bogon
05. Repelish
06. Master Card
07. Deesh
08. Blues Hour
09. No Medecine For Regret
10. The Lord Is Out Of Control

Tour dates:

11.28.13 - Cambridge, UK - Junction
12.01.13 - Camber Sands, UK - All Tomorrow’s Parties “End of Era”
01.22.14 - Newcastle, UK - Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre
01.24.14 - London, UK - Royal Festival Hall
01.25.14 - London, UK - Royal Festival Hall
01.27.14 - Manchester, UK - Bridgewater Hall
01.28.14 - Glasgow, UK - Royal Concert Hall
01.30.14 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - Paradiso
02.01.14 - Brussels, Belgium - Ancienne Belgique
02.02.14 - Brussels, Belgium - Ancienne Belgique
02.03.14 - Paris, France - Olympia
02.04.14 - Frankfurt, Germany - Batschkapp
02.05.14 - Munich, Germany - Backstage Werk
02.06.14 - Berlin, Germany - Temperdrome
03.23.14 - Gotherburgh, Sweden - Konserthuset
03.24.14 - Stockholm, Sweden - Cirkus
03.25.14 - Copenhagen, Denmark - Koncertsalen
03.26.14 - Hamburg, Germany - Grosse Freiheit
03.27.14 - Zurich, Germany - Volkshaus
03.29.14 - Nimes, Italy - Paloma
03.30.14 - Bologna, Italy - Estragon
03.31.14 - Milan, Italy - Alcatraz
04.01.14 - Karlsruhe, Germany - Substage
04.02.14 - Cologne, Germany - E-Werk
04.03.14 - Lille, France - Aeronef

• Mogwai:
• Sub Pop:
• Rock Action:

Psychic Ills and Mazzy Star pop out of North-American-tour-shaped box, and though we were excited, we could totally tell what it was before unwrapping it

Tours, like the word “pillow,” start to seem weirder and weirder the longer you think about them. A band goes to a town and plays some music? Then they go to another city and they maybe hang out in a hotel or do some illegal drugs before playing more of the music they played in the last city in the new one? Then they just… keep doing it? And people cram into sweaty rooms to watch them do it? Honestly, you’d think that inventions like The Walkman, MP3s, and hot tubs with speakers in them would’ve rendered the practice obsolete. Somehow, though, it persists.

The latest groups to get peer pressured into participating in this barbaric practice are Psychic Ills and Mazzy Star. Starting in mid-November the bands will travel together for a short stint in places as far-flung as Minneapolis, Detroit, and Montreal! They’ll play songs! They’ll probably bond while hanging out backstage or during the long drives! They might even write a song or two about the experience! Overall, it promises to be a very tour-like affair, so if you’re into that sort of thing, I’d say you’re in for a treat. Since none of the dates are coming very close to my house, I’ll probably end up just watching the video for “See You There” from Psychic Ills’ latest album One Track Mind on the iPad embedded in my refrigerator, and bumping Mazzy Star’s Seasons of Your Day (TMT Review) through the miniature speakers that I attached to my cats.

Dates (all w/ both bands):

11.12.13 - Minneapolis, MN - Mill City Nights
11.13.13 - Chicago, IL - Vic Theatre
11.15.13 - Detroit, MI - Majestic Theatre
11.16.13 - Toronto, ON - Danforth Music Hall
11.17.13 - Montreal, QC - Club Soda
11.19.13 - Boston, MA - Paradise Rock Club
11.20.13 - New York, NY - Terminal 5
11.22.13 - Philadelphia, PA - Union Transfer
11.23.13 - Silver Spring, MD - The Fillmore Silver Spring

• Psychic Ills:
• Mazzy Star:

Family Matters fans Chris Carter and Cosey Fanni Tutti announce two US shows this winter, live remixing Desertshore

January. It was the best of times (champagne!), it was the worst of times (soul crushing cold!). And into the future frigid wintry wonderland of January 2014 came Chris Carter and Cosey Fanni Tutti, all ready to play two — count ‘em TWO!!!! — shows in the USA’s biggest cold cities. Just in time for your mom’s Epiphany party comes the duo’s January 5 show at MoMA PS1. Then, on January 9, avant-garde music’s biggest Perfect Strangers fans (just a guess, really) journey to Chicago, where Balki and Larry once lived, laughed, and loved, all to the secret soundtrack of Throbbing Gristle songs ABC was too much of a pussy to broadcast. They’ll be performing at the Metro Club, scene of the infamous Perfect Strangers/Family Matters crossover episode where Carl Winslow busts Balki’s underground Eurotrash rave and Urkel, while high on designer drugs and covered in glow-in-the-dark body paint, turns to the camera and says “Did I do that?” It was A Very Special Episode and ABC did NOT want teens to see it.

Anyway, anyway. Chris Carter and Cosey Fanni Tutti are performing as X-TG, doing a live REMIX (Missy Elliot voice) of select tracks from double album Desertshore/The Final Report. This is the debut US performance of the REMIX tracks. “Supporting sound,” whatever that may be, comes from former Emeralds dude John Elliot’s Outer Space project and Chicago’s Hieroglyphic Being. This is Chris and Cosey’s first US appearance since their sold out 2009 jaunt across the pond as Throbbing Gristle.


01.05.14 - Long Island City, NY - MoMA P.S. 1 Contemporary Arts Center
01.09.14 - Chicago, IL - Metro Club

• Chris Carter:
• Cosey Fanni Tutti:

Teengirl Fantasy announce Nun EP, ‘cause somebody had to make electronic music for those poor nuns out there eventually

Electronic duo Teengirl Fantasy is just one of those bands whose name accurately describes the music they make. Not necessarily in sound, mind you, but in the mission statement of all their releases. Perhaps you haven’t noticed, but every Teengirl Fantasy record focuses on a common fantasy or dream for teenage girls. For instance, 2010 debut 7 AM explored the idea of being able to stay up until 7 AM, while last year’s Tracer covered tracing the phone calls of your greatest enemies. You know, teen girl stuff. Teengirl Fantasy’s newest EP, Nun, is coming out November 25 through This Is Music and covers the greatest teen girl fantasy of them all: committing yourself to god.

You teenage girls know how it is. Sitting in boring classes all day, every day, just wishing you could get out there, get shipped off to a convent to dedicate your entire being to godliness. Sadly, for many, this will never come to pass. They will simply have to listen to Teengirl Fantasy’s Nun EP. Now, while previous Teengirl Fantasy releases included samples and vocals from secular sources, this EP contains nothing of the sort. Only four tracks created by the hands of two of god’s loyal servants. Amen.

Teengirl Fantasy dates:

11.09.13 - Paris, France - Trox Aux Biches, La Java *
11.12.13 - London, UK - Corsica Studios ^
11.22.13 - Stockholm, Sweden - Body, Under Bron
11.23.13 - Berlin, Germany - Janus, Chester’s Club

* Telepath
^ James Ferraro

• Teengirl Fantasy:
• This Is Music: