New Soulsavers Album and Tourdates Inspire Lonesome Drifters from Coast to Coast

Now, you kids listen here. I’ve been riding these rails for upwards of 30 years, and I’ll wager I can tell you a thing or two about trampin’. It’s a hard life, but I figure that’s the price a fella’s gotta pay to live free under these wide, open skies. I’ve seen cities change, I’ve seen people come and go. Out here, you gotta think on your feet, ‘cuz you never know where your next meal’s gonna come from. At the same time, you gotta take time to appreciate the good things in life: the epic sunsets, the camaraderie of good friends, the latest Soulsavers album. See, I don’t hold much store by much of the music nowadays. Hip-hop, electronica, arty postrock — none of it really speaks to me as a man born and bred alongside these dusty highways, a man with a keen sense of retribution and redemption.

But that all changed when I heard the Soulsavers had teamed up with Mark Lanegan for their latest outing, It's Not How Far You Fall, It's The Way You Land. Columbia Records released that album yesterday in these fine United States, and ever since I heard the news, I’ve been traveling the old Canadian-Pacific line just to see ‘em in action. The band has come all the way over from England with main Soulsaver Rich Machin accompanied by an eight-piece band, two gospel singers, and Mr. Lanegan himself.

Well, you don’t have to take my word for it, but if this ain’t the tracklisting, then I ain’t a lonesome drifter!

Hot Chip’s Forthcoming Album Inspires Me To Write Several Haikus

JKLOL

(If you really feel the need

Read Pitchfork's review)

Back to the story...

Hot Chip have a new record

Called Made In the Dark

Tracks inspired by

Their energetic live shows

Comprise the album

The record will be

Released on DFA next

February 5

Haikus sure are fun

Let's hear it for creative

Sentence structuring!

Fiery Furnaces Tour UK In Search of Widow City, This Story Is Not About Franz Ferdinand

A short, One-Act play entitled: "How Alex Kapranos Accidentally Cock-Blocked Himself; A Cautionary Tale."

Scene: A Basement billiard room in the Franz Ferdinand Glasgow mansion

Alex Kapranos (timidly): Guys, I think I'm ready to ask Eleanor out, finally.

Rest of Franz Ferdinand (spitting out beer and dropping pool cues): Eleanor Freidburger!? Are you daft, man?? She lives in Brooklyn, and we're way over 'ere in Glasgow. It'd never work, mate. Not to mention that weirdo brother of hers! That bloke’s a few sheep shy of a herd, after all! Have you heard the new Fiery Furnaces record?

Alex (chalking his pool cue nervously): I know, i know, but I think maybe I can win the old girl over anyway. I just need a... a good opening line! You know, to sweep her off her feet! Her brother’ll never have to know.

The Franz (sarcastically): yeah... well, you work on that, Alex. See ya...

The band exits. Alex takes another swig of the beer bottle he'd been nursing, sits down on a nearby La-Z-Boy, and sighs heavily

Alex (now alone): Okay. Think Alex, think! Just one or two good lines... By Jove! I've got it. Where's the bloody telephone??? Ah, here it is!

Alex leaps up and reaches for his antique, rotary Mickey Mouse telephone and slowly dials the long-distance number

riiiiiiiiiing....... riiiiiiiiiiing.......

Eleanor Freidburger (sleepy): Hello?

(Alex clears throat)

Alex Kapranos (with feeling): “Eleanor, put those boots back on.

Kick the heels into the Brooklyn dirt.

I know it isn't dignified to run,

But if you run,

You can run to the Coney Island roller coaster.

Ride to the highest point and leap across the filthy water;

Leap until the Gulf Stream's brought you down...”

(silence)

Alex: Eleanor?? Well, what do you say... Oh, nevermind. You're probably just too busy anyway...

Eleanor Freidburger: No, no, Alex! Wait. Actually, that sounds great! I'll be there in November with the band, right after the release of our fifth Fiery Furnaces LP Widow City (TMT Review) via Thrill Jockey! Oh, Alex, I'm so happy! I can't wait to see you! Isn’t that convenient???

(more silence)

Eleanor: Alex? What's wrong, sweetheart??

Alex: Wait... you're not going to bring Matthew with you, are you???

THE END

Upcoming UK Dates (much to the chagrin of Alex Kapranos):

British Sea Power Tour, Release EP And LP With No Mention of Pirates, Actual Sea Power Of Any Kind, Or Historical Events Older Than Five Minutes In This News Story And A Woman Nearly Spills A Cup of Coffee On Me

I’m not one to believe in karma (Okay, I’m already lying; you don’t get $500 in parking tickets for helping old ladies cross the street), but in the last five minutes:

- A young woman in a business suit spilled a cup full of steaming hot coffee just inches from my leg, laptop, and this news story.

- A homeless man sitting next to the Staples, from which I am currently accessing the internet, started smoking a cigarette.

- A pair of Germans sitting next to me gently pulled a scrap of paper that had fallen out of my pocket and into the coffee water on the ground and offered it to me hopefully.

The signs of mojo a-workin’ are everywhere. Take, for example, British Sea Power. If they can keep it together, that just gives me all kinds of warm, fuzzy hope for the rest of us.

A new EP (Krankenhaus?), a new CD (Do You Like Rock Music?). WOW.

Krankenhaus? digitally out now, on CD November 20:

# Stardeath and White Dwarfs

## CMJ Show w/ Pela, 1990s, Tiny Masters of Today, Stardeath and White Dwarfs, The Grey Race

### Wild Beasts

@ The Vanguard, Tracy is Hot and the Clap

* Revenge of Shinobi.

#### Wild Beasts, Micky P, Kerr, Jonjo Feather, A Love Supreme

& Wild Beasts, The Witch and the Robot, Fear of Mountains
$ Beepseals

##### White Mischief Event 'From The Earth To The Moon'

Metallica Go Acoustic, Bob Dylan Vindicated

Do you still need black wristbands to play a Martin? Does that aggressive stance work for fingerpicking? Will there be sweat?

All those questions will be answered October 27 and 28 when Metallica perform acoustic sets at the 21st Annual Bridge School Benefit Concert at the Shoreline Amphitheatre in Mountain View, CA.

Metallica is not known for its sensitive side. The band is known for its dark side. And for its annoying side -- Lars. Nevertheless, for a good cause, even the guys who scared little kids with that creepy old guy in the "Enter Sandman" video will unplug to help out. It's for the kids.

Other performers include:

Advance tickets are $150.00 and $75.00 for reserved seating and $39.50 for general admission, plus applicable service charges.

The Bridge School is an institute for children with disabilities both physical and verbal. Neil Young began organizing a concert to benefit the school after its instructors cured him of a high, mournful whine.

Fun Facts about Scissors and Sisters to Coincide with Scissor Sisters DVD Release

Did you know that scissors were probably invented in Egypt by real
live Egyptians a real long time ago?

Did you know that different types of scissors exist? Here are a few examples:

Tin snips are scissors used for cutting tin.

Pinking shears are scissors with a serrated edge for cutting fabric
without frayin' the edges. Wow.

Trauma shears are scissors used in emergency response situations.

Poultry shears are scissors that cut poultry.

How 'bout those skizzer facts! Now onto some facts about sisters!

I lied, I don't have any fun facts about sisters, as I never had one,
but I'm sure she'd probably like Scissor Sisters. Plus, she'd be super stoked about their new DVD that's coming out on November 12. She'd love the name of it too, 'cause it's called Hurrah - A Year Of Ta-Dah.

I can't keep writing this story after writing that.

I'm done.

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