New Study Claims Record Companies Lose Only 0.7% of Sales to P2P Sharing; Record Companies Dispute Location of Decimal Point

Are you ready? No, seriously. Are you sitting down? Have I got a deal, er, SHOCKA for you! Some wise-ass German researchers have made the preposterous suggestion that P2P music downloads don't actually have the gouging effect on record sales that Sony BMG 'n' friends whine about all the time. You might be saying to yourself, "Clearly, this is a clouding of the truth by those damn liberal independent media sources and the arrests of middle school kids and soccer moms should happen like, on the hour." Sir or madam, allow me to convince you otherwise.

The two punks in question go by Felix Oberholzer-Gee and Koleman Strumpf, and the study is entitled "The Effect of File Sharing on Record Sales: An Empirical Analysis" (alternate title: "Dear Huge Record Conglomerates: Please Stop Whining! Love, Fefe & Koko"). After zeroing in on the logs of two OpenNAP P2P servers and comparing the digits with sales figs from Nielsen Soundscan, they found that the 1.75 million songs downloaded packed a "devastating" punch of uh, 0.7% to the 680 albums sold. Ooh, foreal, that's gotta hurt. Except it doesn't. So why are record sales so lame, now that the file-sharing monster's turned out to be a threat equivalent to that of a My Little Pony?

First off, record companies' sales stats are based on the amount of CDs they ship, rather than how many are actually sold. That shipping number's come down in recent years because big music chains don't want tons of inventory stacked up in the back room anymore. No more playing frisbee with all those extra copies of the Glitter soundtrack. Bummer. Also, keep in mind that you can snag a copy of The Notebook on DVD and go home and make out with Rachel McAdams on your TV screen for the same price as Paris Hilton's album, and I'm guessing the first one would be more fun. Not that I would really suggest either of those endeavors. In fact, I would actively shun you.

Of course, there's always my own theory: maybe there's just not a lot of music sitting around in Best Buy that people want to listen to because it's... well, bad? Either way, I extend a statement to the Big 4 in the immortal words of Snoop Dogg as interviewed by Ben Stiller playing Matt Pinfield on SNL: "Mannn, shut up, youse givin' me a headache!"

You can check out the study for yourself here.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Tours, “Yeah Tours”

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, a band and internet special deal, will go on tour in April. They've got an album coming out called Some Loud Thunder (TMT Review) that apparently already came out. Who knew?

With the album indiscriminately rocking stereos and music blogs at will, all we can do now is dream and hope the tour will indiscriminately rock as well. Yet, there are some who are out to get our heroes, who will not clap their hands and say "yeah." Those people are represented by Don Tandy, an Andy Rooney-type curmudgeon who likes complaining about things almost as much as he likes not dying.

He's most famous for his nonfiction works, I'm Tired and Yuck Fou: Offensive Tales From The Korean War. Here's an excerpt from his latest article, "What's with all this clapping? Who claps? When I was in Korea, we never clapped. We got the clap, but if someone actually made a noise with their hands, I'll be damned if he wasn't cut down to PFC faster than you could clap. But don't clap!"

A strange man. You can see the band clap their way into your hearts and minds staring in Providence on April 10. Tandy will be there, enlisting some famous authors such as T.S. "Taint Stain" Eliot, H.G. "Huge Girl" Wells, and F. "Scott" Fitzgerald. Find them in the DJ tent!

The Clap tour:

Throbbing Gristle to Release First Album in over 25 Years

A lot has happened over the last 25 years. Alec Baldwin won a Golden Globe for his riveting performances in 30 Rock, the Dixie Chicks won the 2007 Best Album Grammy Award, and (perhaps most newsworthy) Scissor Sisters made an appearance on NBC's Passions. Who better to synthesize these major events into music form than a group whose name is Yorkshire slang for "Shimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! Shimmy, shimmy rock!" (as sung by that one guy who co-starred with Tom Hanks in Big).

According to our headline, Throbbing Gristle are set to release their first album in over 25 years. Titled Part Two -- The Endless Not, the 67 minutes and 25 seconds worth of new material will be released April 3 via Mute. Initial pressings of Part Two will be released as a "Special Edition Totemic Gift," limited to 1000. Handmade in Thailand under Peter Christopherson's supervision, each of the four gifts will include either copper, bone, rubber, or wood built into the jewel case. The music's the same in all four, but if you're a commodity fetishist, you can pre-order the set of all four by specfically requesting it from Mute.

Tracks from the new album have been made available at Throbbing Gristle's MySpace, but who the fuck wants to hear clips when you can READ THE TRACKLISTING. Yes, that's right! The tracklisting has been unveiled!! The tracklisting comes complete with song titles, so you can finally see which songs they've been working on over the last 25 years. Additionally, the tracklisting is numbered and put into the order in which they appear on Part Two, presumably so that potential listeners can try to experience the flow of the album without the music. (Note: tracklisting does not include songs that didn't make the album. These tracks are only songs that have made the final cut for Part Two.)

It is unknown at press time whether or not Mute will be selling the tracklist separately, but you can bet your toosh we'll let you know as soon as we find out.

Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose. Free-folk’s just another word for nothing left to call Charalambides. Sad-Sack’s just another word for TMT’s most unimaginative writer.

Prolific artists don't just get prolific exposure from us for being merely prolific. If that was the case, this site would be called TinyBreedsLikeRabbitMixTapes as a tribute to the overly fertile Ms. B. Spears or TinyNonStopDancePartyMixTapes in honor of "The Gentleman of Music" James Last, who has produced close to 200 big-band styled pop cover albums over his illustrious career. Sheer numbers are always nice but secondary to quality music. Thus, their proclivity to produce aside, there is no way a Charalambides tour is going to pass unnoticed by us at TMT. That would be like spotting notorious fashion bitch Mr. Blackwell at a truck-stop tuck shop in a "Who farted?" t-shirt. Sirs and madams, that just doesn't happen. When the holy tonal rollers Tom and Christina Carter announce some dates, we tend to shout the news out in our typical bombastic style.

We don't usually have to wait too long to do so. Narely a week goes by without us pleasure-seekers receiving a few good kicks to our reward centers with Charalambides news. A week must have passed because a new tour has begun already! Most of the dates in the not-to-distant future (read: starting tomorrow) are with the kindred spirits and BFF Matt Valentine and Erika Elder (MV+EE) and feature a bunch of exotically named bands like Starving Weirdos, Climax Golden Twins, and Oaxacan, depending on the day you go see 'em. Naturally, the Carters will be at SXSW in full force, playing the Ecstatic Peace Showcase as Charalambides, a trio set with Thurston Moore, and after much fervent speculation, backing Jandek (Tom only). The San Antonio show listed will include a gallery showing of art and photographs by both Tom and Christina and Shawn McMillen in addition to the live spectacle.

And if that wasn't enough news to fill your shoes, the Carter-run Wholly Other label will be riding the crest of the vinyl wave and will be releasing actual RECORDS soon, including a collaboration between Tom and the Yellow Swans' Pete Swanson (a one-sided silk-screened album no less!), a vinyl version of Christina's Electrice, and releases by likeminded folk Friday Group and Zaika.

# w/MV+EE with the Bummer Road; $ w/Windy and Carl & Dead Machines; % w/Tetuzi Akiyama; ^ Christina Carter/Tom Carter/Thurston Moore trio w/Tetuzi Akiyama, Peter Walker, Warmer Milks, and Ian Wadley; * Ecstatic Peace Showcase w/MV+EE, Magik Markers, Sunburned Hand of the Man, Wooden Wand, Thurston Moore, Tall Firs, Pagoda, Black Helicopter, Monotract and more TBA; + Tom Carter, Shawn McMillen, and Ian Wadley backing band to Jandek, ! w/Shawn McMillen

The Idea of Releasing A New LP & Touring Suits Electrelane Quite Well

Berlin-via-Brighton first ladies of experimentally loose, mostly instrumental, kaut/rock jams Electrelane are coming back to entertain and enlighten your worldscape. The band have announced they will be releasing their fourth full-length LP, No Shouts, No Calls, on Too Pure May 8. The album is the proper follow up to 2005's Axes (Too Pure) and is the band's first release since the self-explanatory 2006 record, Singles, B-Sides & Live (Too Pure).

The band will be playing some shows to promote the LP with a few current indie faves. The biggest fave, the Arcade Fire, have chosen Electrelane to open a string of shows on their upcoming European tour starting March 17. The band will be playing a few European shows without the AF, including dates as part of the Festival les femmes s'en Melent. Don't believe in the Neon Bible and/or live in Europe? Then let it be known that the E also have a short U.S. jaunt in the works, with dancerockers favs The Blow in tow, beginning in May.

Tourdates: