Next Week On Battles!

Scene: The Battles family home. Ian, the dad, is trying to read his paper, but he's having trouble -- his kids, John and Dave, are fighting!

John: Quit it!

Dave: Quit it!

John: Quit it!

Dave: Quit it!

Ian: Why don't ya both quit it! [Laughter. John and Dave both look at Ian with big puppy dog eyes.]

Ian: Aw, I can't stay mad at you two! [They climb into his lap. Just then, Tyondai walks in with the groceries. Applause.]

Tyondai: Hi honey, I'm home!

John and Dave: Mom!! [They climb off their dad and leap at Tyondai. Ian mugs at the camera, as if to say: What's a guy to do?]

Tyondai: Honey, I was thinking... Seeing as we're releasing a new album and everything, why don't we extend that tour? Just a little bit?

Ian: Didn't we tour last year? [Laughter]

Tyondai: Oh, yes, but there are soooo many places I want to see in Europe! Places with romance! Adventure! Places like Bielefeld! Sheffield! Birmingham! [Laughter]

Ian: I don't know... It all sounds expensive.

Tyondai: Would a bottle of your favorite cooking sherry help change your mind? [He pulls a bottle, wrapped in brown paper, out of his grocery bag. Ian's face lights up.]

Ian: Oh, all right then.

John and Dave: Hooray! A tour! A tour!

Tyondai: I love you, darling.

Ian: I love you, too. [They kiss.] Just let me get my shoes. [He puts them on.] Alright, who put shaving foam in my shoes? [Uproarious laughter. John and Dave look innocent. Ian mugs at the camera, as if to say: What's a guy to do?]