NFL Bans Gary Glitter; Drunk Drivers, Wife Beaters, Coke Addicts and Murderers Still Welcome

What's worse than being on the UK's Sex Offender listing, getting expelled from Cambodia, and serving time in a Vietnamese prison for molesting two underage girls? Having your only recognizable hit song banned by the National Football League of course! Newsweek reports that the NFL, the nation's upholders of moral standards and decency, has issued a statement to its teams suggesting they discontinue playing ex-glam star and convicted child sex offender Gary Glitter's "Rock and Roll Part Two."

It's been rough sailing for Glitter (born Paul Francis Gadd) over the past decade; dude just can't get a break in this child porn/molestation racket, can he? Earlier this summer, a Vietnamese court upheld charges of child-molestation, meaning the former glam-rocker (as my Dad would describe him) will be serving three years in jail. Original charges of child rape were dropped last December due to a lack of evidence. In 1999, Glitter finally pleaded guilty to 54 charges of possessing child pornography after computer files were confiscated two years previously. The aged glamster has been been living in the southern Vietnamese resort of Vung Tau for the last year and has maintained that he is innocent claiming it all to be part of a conspiracy by UK tabloids.

A player, who only wanted to be known as Jacques "the cacques" Wacktackle may have given this quote regarding the NFL's statement, "I think this is a thing that has to be done. I mean, we get up to a lot of craziness on the road, but this is simply unacceptable. Animals are one thing, kids are another, I think. We've got to draw the line somewhere and play as a team and give 110 percent..." He then grunt-exhaled and pulled out the andro needle from his bum vein.

Certainly we haven't heard the last of this sure-fire audio crowd crack? NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy told venerable news outlet E! Online, "Most of the teams understand the reasons, and ultimately, it's their decision, but we encourage them not to play it. In terms of the music that's played, pre-game or halftime, that's controlled by the teams, not the NFL."

So while teams like the Denver Broncos and the Kansas City Chiefs have dumped the song from their stadium repertoire and chosen tunes for fans and from their suggestions (Big Bad Voodoo Daddy's "Go Daddy-o" and P.O.D.'s "Boom" respectively), there are rumors that others won't give up the Glitter ghost so soon and may stick to the "it's the singer, not the song" adage and use cover versions of "The Hey Song" (as it's more commonly known to football jockeys) to use during games.

Key-rist there's so many questions this limp, league-issued boycott provokes: What sort of effect will not playing this stadium standard have on fan participation (fingers are crossed for less "waves" and more streakers). Will this spur other leagues to think about issuing a similar "ban"? Will the NFL take this as a starting point and start to address the sick amount of problems associated with the league and its players that are too numerous to mention here but can be guessed at by re-reading the title of this story? What are the chances of Glitter's possible rendition of "Sweet Child O' Mine" ever seeing the light of day (so, soooo sorry everyone...)? Will the super-successful NFL Europe follow suit and suggest banning the song? Well, we can only say we don't know and we don't give a flying...duh, nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh...hey! duh nuh nuh nuh... TMT says good riddence to bad garbage, and bad tuneage too.