No upside to Torche getting gear torched in Chicago; um, at least they left the van?

No upside to Torche getting gear torched in Chicago; um, at least they left the van?

We may be a lot of things (deadbeat uncles and aunts, bedwetters, secret Toto enthusiasts), but we would be remiss if we let this story of low-life shitheadery go unreported. Miami’s true hard cases Torche had a vanload of music equipment and personal pieces stolen by thieving bastards after a gig at the Congress Theater in Chicago on May 14.

Although this sort of crime would make even the most lily-liveredest of acts go postal, the band itself has taken the whole thing like professional troopers. After quickly organizing a few small DIY gigs, Torche will meet back up with Coheed and Cambria and Circa Survive, who they were to shadow in Canada (until the worthless douchebags took a number of band member passports) for the remaining scheduled dates. It may be a potential pitfall of touring, but it still sucks so much whenever this happens. If you can’t make it to any upcoming Torche shows please consider making a donation to at PayPal here.

Here is a list of the stolen stuff:

- Custom Electrical Guitar Company bass w/hardcase #220
- First Act custom bass w/hardcase serial number # JN-0901002
- Black Gibson Custom Les Paul w/SKB hardcase (has chip on the top L side of headstock, visible neck repair on top side of the neck, may have missing paint opposite vol and tone knobs if sticker was removed)
- Custom woodfinish guitar w/hardcase
- Acoustic 370 Bass Head
- 2 x SKB PS25 pedal boards
- 2 x Boss tuning pedals
- MXR Phase 90
- Boss DD5 pedal
- Boss guitar EQ pedal
- Custom 3 way amp selector (metallic blue)
- Fulltone OCD pedal
- Aguilar Tone Hammer pedal
- Boss Bass EQ pedal
- Shure Beta 57
- Misc. Mogami, Monster, and George L’s cables
- Suitcase style 7 space guitar stand
- Black iPod Touch
- Black Compaq Presario laptop
- Nikon Blue Coolpix camera
- Sony CyberShot camera
- Garmin 205W GPS
- Black Luggage containing: tubes, guitar strings, instrument cables, speaker cables, tuning pegs, surge protectors

Torche Stripped Live:

05.26.10 - New York, NY - Rumsey Playfield *
05.27.10 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club *
05.28.10 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club *
05.29.10 - Atlantic City, NJ - House of Blues *
05.31.10 - Harrisburg, VA - The Blue Nile %
07.28.10 - Nashville, TN - Exit/In ^
07.29.10 - Louisville, KY - Skull Alley ^
07.30.10 - Indianapolis, IN - Vollrath Tavern ^
07.31.10 - Chicago, IL - Subterranean +
08.01.10 - Chicago, IL - Wicker Park Festival
08.03.10 - St. Louis, MO - Fubar ^
08.05.10 - Birmingham, AL - The Bottletree ^
08.06.10 - Tallahassee, FL - Big Daddy’s ^
08.07.10 - Tampa, FL - Orpheum ^
08.08.10 - Miami, FL - Churchill’s ^

* Coheed And Cambria, Circa Survive
% Human Smoke, Kill Your Brain
^ Beings
+ Baroness

• Torche:
• Hydra Head:

[Photo: Lauren Roero]

RIP: Paul Gray, Slipknot bassist

From MTV:

Slipknot bassist Paul Gray — one of the group’s founding members — was found dead in an Iowa hotel room early Monday morning (May 24), according to reports. He was 38.

The Des Moines Register reported that police were called to the TownePlace Suites hotel in Urbandale, Iowa, shortly before 11 a.m. after an employee discovered Gray’s body in a room. There was no evidence of foul play, police told the newspaper, but the investigation is ongoing and an autopsy is scheduled for Tuesday. A toxicology test will also be done to determine any contributing factors to his death.

• Slipknot:
• Slipknot MySpace:

Liars tour slated to make this motherfuck’n summer hype

Liars are hitting the road this summer in support of their latest release, Sisterworld (TMT Review), an album based thematically around the “discarded dreams amassed in LA” and apparently some kind of Lost meets Lord of the Flies photoshoot in a business-casual environment where everyone wears cutoff shorts. (Seriously, check out the promo shots.)

The Los Angeles-based fellas are heading out with Fol Chen by their collective side to rock cities (and the Pitchfork festival) across the United States. Our Canadian friends can expect a performance at what looks to be a date around Pop Montreal time. They can also expect to receive numerous desperate pleas from me, for them, to take me to Pop Montreal.

06.26.10 - Brooklyn, NY - Newtown Barge Park
07.13.10 - Minneapolis, MN - First Avenue*
07.14.10 - Madison, WI - High Noon Saloon*
07.15.10 - Milwaukee, WI - Turner Hall*
07.16.10 - Chicago, IL - Pitchfork Music Festival
07.17.10 - Detroit, MI - Magic Stick*
07.18.10 - Newport, KY - The Southgate House*
07.20.10 - Nashville, TN - Exit/In*
07.21.10 - Bloomington, IN - Rhino’s Youth Center*
07.22.10 - St Louis, MO - Firebird*
07.23.10 - Lawrence, KS - Bottleneck*
07.24.10 - Denver, CO - The Bluebird Theater*
09.30.10 - Montreal, QC - Le National

*Fol Chen

• Liars:

Phosphorescent announces summer tour to last until the end of time

Riding high on the release of their new album, Here’s To Taking It Easy (TMT Review), Phosphorescent have announced a summer tour that will pretty much last them, well, all summer. Fortunately, ringleader Matthew Houck has transitioned Phosphorescent from a one-man band to a full group, because otherwise it would get pretty boring driving across the country all alone.

Here’s To Taking It On The Road:

05.24.10 - Zwolle, Netherlands - Eureka
05.25.10 - Berlin, Germany - NBI
05.27.10 - Nürnberg, Germany - K4
05.28.10 - Vienna, Austria - Fluc
05.29.10 - Freiburg, Germany - E-werk
06.01.10 - Paris, France - L’Espace B
06.02.10 - London, UK - ICA
06.03.10 - Manchester, UK - Deaf Institute
06.04.10 - Glasgow, UK - Captain’s Rest
06.05.10 - Birmingham, UK - Hare & Hounds
06.06.10 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - Paradiso
07.08.10 - Brooklyn, NY - Hudson River Park Pier 54
07.10.10 - Toronto, ON - The Legendary Horseshoe Tavern
07.12.10 - Buffalo, NY - Soundlab
07.13.10 - Columbus, OH - The Summit
07.14.10 - Newport, KY - Southgate House
07.15.10 - Nashville, TN - Exit/In
07.17.10 - Birmingham, AL - The Bottletree
07.21.10 - Houston, TX - House of Blues
07.22.10 - Austin, TX - The Independent
07.23.10 - Dallas, TX - Kessler Theatre
07.24.10 - Lubbock, TX - The Foundation
07.26.10 - Tucson, AZ - Plush
07.27.10 - Los Angeles, CA - The Troubadour
07.28.10 - San Francisco, CA - Bottom of the Hill
07.30.10 - Portland, OR - Doug Fir Lounge
07.31.10 - Seattle, WA - Crocodile Cafe
08.03.10 - Minneapolis, MN - Cedar Cultural Center
08.04.10 - Milwaukee, WI - Mad Planet
08.05.10 - Chicago, IL - Empty Bottle
08.06.10 - Indianapolis, IN - Radio Radio
08.07.10 - Cleveland, OH - The Grog Shop
08.09.10 - Washington DC - Black Cat
08.10.10 - Baltimore, MD - Sonar Club Stage
08.11.10 - Philadelphia, PA - Rittenhouse Square Park
08.12.10 - Providence, RI - Jerky’s Live Music Hall
08.15.10 - Cambridge, MA - Middle East (Downstairs)
09.10.10 - Dorset, UK - End of the Road Festival
09.11.10 - Isle of Wight, UK - Bestival

• Phosphorescent:

OMG! Gorillas to play UK arena tour!! Wait, what? It’s just some band called Gorillaz? With a ‘z’??

Sigh… well, here we are, reader. Thanks for clicking that headline out there (or scrolling down from another story). I appreciate you sticking this story out with me even though it’s not what I thought it was. Now, first things first. We both need to come to grips with the fact that a bunch of gorillas are, in point of fact, not touring around the United Kingdom at the end of the summer. Sure, that would have been awesome, and we all would have paid good money to see it. And maybe someday, on the back of today’s advancements in genetic science, that dream will be realized and throngs of humans will pack like so many sardines into giant futuristic arenas to hear a cutting-edge band of apes bash-out a completely off-the-wall-awesome cover of “All the Single Ladies.”

But for now, there is at least a silver lining: Damon Albarn’s Gorillaz are embarking on their first ever arena tour — dubbed the “Escape To Plastic Beach” Tour — with dates scheduled across the UK this September and November. Following their recent sell-out performances at Coachella and the Roundhouse in London, the tour will see Albarn and his crew stopping off at Birmingham, Newcastle, and Manchester, and two back-to-back closeout shows in London, with a couple more dates announced so far for November. The live show this time around will feature songs from all three Gorillaz records (Gorillaz, Demon Days and Plastic Beach) being performed by Albarn, Mick Jones, Paul Simonon and, of course, the Gorillaz band (featuring animation, artwork, and film as designed by Jamie Hewlett).

Featured artists have yet to be announced, but if recent live Gorillaz shows that have included performances by De La Soul, Roses Gabor, Bobby Womack, Little Dragon, Mos Def, Kano, Bashy and the Hypnotic Brass Ensemble are any indication, then there probably isn’t much of a chance that we’ll see any actual gorillas playing flying-v guitars. Unless you want to meet me at Chuck E. Cheese’s?

Gorillaz “Escape To Plastic Beach” Tour

09.08.10 - Glasgow, UK - SECC
09.10.10 - Birmingham, UK - NIA
09.11.10 - Newcastle, UK - Metro Arena
09.12.10 - Manchester, UK - Evening News Arena
09.14.10 - London, UK - O2 Arena
09.15.10 - London, UK - O2 Arena
09.22.10 - Dublin, Ireland - O2 Arena
11.08.10 - Paris, France - Zenith
11.14.10 - Milan, Italy - Forum

• Gorillaz:
• Gorillas:

Major Lazer wants to party with you (on tour), dagger you all night long (to their new EP).

Major Lazer is a guy who isn’t really a guy. The flying, laser-gun-handed, future-space Jamaican is actually made up of Diplo and Switch, whom I assume have shrunk themselves to minuscule proportions in order to puppet the cartoon commando with a series of levers like some kind of giant automaton. It’s an interesting approach to music production, though it comes with the risk of being murdered by a single mouse.

Major Lazer promises one thing on their tour: lasers. So many god damn lasers. Also, a lot of airhorn. I even have it in good confidence from a reputable source (my brother) that Diplo, at a recent Major Lazer show, spoke the words “Major Lazer” in a robotic voice at least once during and after every song.

Major Lazer will also be burning a new EP, Lazers Never Die. Fully charged with remixes and guest jamz, it’s set to start blasting on July 20. In the mean time, you can download the first track here and check out Daggering 101 (NSFW), starring Skerrit Bwoy (another guy who is not a guy). To see the quirky new dance craze in action, you can watch the Eric Wareheim-directed video for “Pon de Floor” (NSFW, NSFH, maybe even NSFSAIYR).

Lazers Never Die tracklist:

1. Sound of Siren [feat. M.I.A. and Busy Signal]
2. Good Enough [feat. Collie Buddz and Lindi Ortega]
3. Bruk Out (Buraka Som Sistema Mix)
4. Can’t Stop Now (K.L.A.M. Remix feat. Miss Banks)
5. Jump Up (Thom Yorke Remix)

Major Lazer tourdates:

05.26.10 - London, GB - Village Underground
05.27.10 - Amsterdam, NL - Paradiso
05.28.10 - Primavera Sound - Barcelona, ES
06.18.10 - Seoul, South Korea - MILK
06.19.10 - Jakarta, Indonesia - Dance Republic
06.20.10 - Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam - Lush Bar
06.23.10 - Phnom Penh, Cambodia - Pontoon
06.24.10 - Bangkok, Thailand - Bed Supperclub
06.25.10 - Kuala Lampor, Malaysia - Zouk KL
06.26.10 - Singapore - Zouk
06.30.10 - Taiwan, China - Luxy
07.01.10 - Hong Kong Central, Hong Kong - Volar
07.02.10 - Tokyo, Japan - Tokyo Unit
07.03.10 - Osaka, Japan - Osaka Creative Center
07.16.10 - Mariaville, NY - Camp Bisco 9
07.18.10 - Chicago, IL - Pitchfork Music Festival
08.07.10 - Los Angeles, CA - HARD Summer
08.13.10 - Oslo, NO - Oya Festival
08.14.10 - Helsinki, FI - Flow Festival
08.15.10 - Budapest, HU - Sziget Festival
08.19.10 - St. Polten, AT - Frequency Festival
08.20.10 - Hasselt, BE - Pukkelpop
08.29.10 - London, UK - Creamfields
08.30.10 - Notting Hill, UK - Carnival
09.05.10 - New York, NY - Electric Zoo

• Major Lazer:
• Mad Decent:


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