Panda Bear adds shows in Chicago and Dallas, promises samples of bowel movements

Panda Bear adds shows in Chicago and Dallas, promises samples of bowel movements http://www.tinymixtapes.com/sites/default/files/news-11-08-panda-bear.jpg

I promised my mom and parole officer that I’d stop writing news stories based around erections and fecal matter. Sorry, but a promise broken is a promise never kept. So, there’s a BUTTLOAD of people in the cities of Dallas and Chicago that have major ERECTIONS for Animal Collective member Panda Bear’s solo project. To honor their BONERS, Panda has added a show in each city.

Panda Bear will play some songs from his recent album Tomboy (TMT Review), but he’ll get some real STIFFIES going if he busts out an AC tune. I mean, some authentic BULGING HARD-ONS. A source close to me has said Panda may even crap into the mic and then break the bowel movement into different samples, i.e., “movements.” Genius!

In order to keep those WOODIES tall and girthy, on October 31 Panda Bear will also release a special new limited-edition 4xLP box set of Tomboy through Paw Tracks to benefit the American Cancer Society. I’ll tell you what — nothing makes me want to PITCH A TENT more than helping a worthy cause.

BONER dates:

09.23.11 - Philadelphia, PA - POPPED! Music Festival at FDR Park
09.25.11 - Los Angeles, CA - Hollywood Bowl *
09.27.11 - Dallas, TX - Granada
09.29.11 - Chicago, IL - The Vic

* Smith Westerns, TV on the Radio, Warpaint, Arctic Monkeys

• Panda Bear: http://www.myspace.com/pandabear
• Paw Tracks: http://www.paw-tracks.com

Bono’s Facebook account grows to a billion — dollars, not friends

We all know about Trent Reznor’s connections with Facebook via The Social Network, and I’m sure you’ve all tried really hard to friend Steve Albini after reading his food blog and sensing a possible connection over your love of homemade spring rolls. Little did you know that Bono, when he isn’t giving away money for AIDS research or impoverished villages in Africa, also has a shrewd eye for personal get-rich-quick schemes. In 2009, his investment company purchased $210 million worth of shares in Facebook, which, as of this week, has risen to $975 million (according to NME, via The Guardian). Yeah. His company, Elevation Partners, was worth $50 billion last December (a figure calculated before Facebook was recently valued at $65 billion, making the overall company just a bit more). I’ll bet you wish you’d bought stocks with that graduation money your grandparents gave you.

So hate U2 just a little bit more now? You may not have a billion dollars, but at least you’re not alone — and hey, maybe you should donate to the Red Cross or something to feel better about yourself.

• Bono: http://www.u2.com

The Misfits are releasing a new record, so slick down your bangs for the love of Bela Lugosi

Classic horror punk outfit The Misfits are returning with their first record in nearly a decade. Yeah, nearly a decade. If that sounds weird, maybe you forgot about the Danzig-less, Jerry Only-led version of The Misfits that’s been active for roughly the last dozen years. They exist and, if you don’t believe me, go Google the cover of Famous Monsters. You will enjoy it.

Whether or not you remember/approve of the existence of The Misfits sans Danzig, the group does have a new record called The Devil’s Rain coming out October 4. Very appropriately, the record will be put out by Misfits Records. Part of me wishes that Misfits Records was a completely separate entity from the band, thus resulting in a brilliant level of synergy. But it is, in fact, the band’s label and the synergy I so desire remains unobtained.

The cover of The Devil’s Rain features a rendition of the band’s “Fiend” logo, which you’ve seen on the chests of thousands Hot Topic patrons, by Marvel Zombies artist Arthur Suydam. Few things in life make more sense than a guy known for drawing comic book zombies illustrating a Misfits album cover. It also makes a good bit of sense that Jerry Only (the sole original Misfits member in this incarnation) would be joined by Black Flag bassist Dez Cadena and drummer Eric Acre, whose nickname is evidently “Chupacabra.”

If you’re interested in hearing new Misfits material live, along with the band’s classics sung by the dude with the devil lock haircut, the band will be going on a lengthy tour this fall. If you’ve got to have Danzig in your life, don’t worry, he’s probably playing a dirge somewhere nearby. Just look for the gauntlets.

Misfits dates (all dates w/ Juicehead, unless marked otherwise):

09.16.11 - Rome, Italy - Piper Club
09.17.11 - Harelbeke, Belgium - Rat Rock Festival
09.23.11 - Pittsburgh, PA - Altar Bar *
09.24.11 - Lancaster, PA - Chameleon Club *
09.29.11 - Santa Clara, CA - The Avalon
09.30.11 - Ventura, CA - Majestic Ventura Theater
10.02.11 - Anaheim, CA - House of Blues
10.03.11 - San Diego, CA - House of Blues
10.04.11 - West Hollywood, CA - House of Blues
10.05.11 - Tucson, AZ - The Rialto Theater
10.06.11 - Las Vegas, NV - House of Blues
10.07.11 - Scottsdale, AZ - The Canyon
10.08.11 - Albuquerque, NM - Historic El Rey Theater
10.09.11 - Denver, CO - Summit Music Hall
10.12.11 - Murfreesboro, TN - Gilligan’s
10.14.11 - Poughkeepsie, NY - The Chance
10.15.11 - Auburn, ME - Club Texas
10.16.11 - Danvers, MA - The Palace Ballroom
10.20.11 - Newport, KY - The Historic Southgate House
10.21.11 - Cleveland, OH - Peabody’s
10.22.11 - Detroit, MI - Harpos
10.26.11 - Toronto, ON - Phoenix Concert Theater
10.28.11 - Sayreville, NJ - Starland Ballroom
10.29.11 - Toledo, OH - The Omni
10.31.11 - New York, NY - B.B. King’s
11.03.11 - Rosedale, MD - Recher Theater
11.04.11 - Allentown, PA - Crocodile Rock
11.05.11 - Clifton Park, NY - Northern Lights
11.06.11 - Springfield, VA - Jaxx
11.09.11 - Mobile, AL - Soul Kitchen Music Hall
11.10.11 - Houston, TX - Stereo Live
11.11.11 - Oklahoma City, OK - Samurai’s
11.12.11 - San Antonio, TX - Backstage Live
11.14.11 - Dallas, TX - Trees
11.17.11 - Orlando, FL - Firestone Live
11.18.11 - Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Culture Room
11.19.11 - Daytona Beach, FL - Sickboys
11.20.11 - Pensacola, FL - Vinyl Music Hall

* Without Juicehead

• The Misfits: http://www.misfits.com
• Misfits Records: http://misfitsrecords.com

Philip Glass to write a memoir, presumably in solfège syllables

If you’re anything like me and have spent time combing your girlfriend’s Netflix account for Philip Glass shit while she’s at work and you’re at home unemployed, you may have come across the film Glass: A Portrait of Philip Glass in Twelve Parts, a delightful documentary in which you can get a good glimpse at how piss-poor the man’s personal relationships are/were at the expense of his his all-consuming music career. And again, if you’re anything like me, you probably found that fascinating/horrifying and ached to know more about the man behind all of those arpeggios.

Well good news, fellow obsessives. As The New York Times reports, the 74-year-old composer has signed a deal with publisher W.W. Norton & Company to write a memoir (the book will be published by the Norton division Liveright & Company). Unfortunately, the publishing date has not been announced yet, but Norton did indicate that Glass would be using the blank pages to “explore his youth and musical influences, including working in his father’s record store in Baltimore and collaborations with Ravi Shankar and Allen Ginsberg.” Considering that, in addition to palling around with Ginsberg and Shankar, the dude drove a New York cab until he was in his 40s, studied with 20th-century composition queen Nadia Boulangier (who I’m told taught everyone from Aaron Copeland to Quincy Jones to the guy from Wavves), has had his fair share of wives, and used his hypnotic sax, synth, flute, and organ creations to literally invent the genre now known as Chillwave, the guy’s probably got a lot to gossip about.

• Philip Glass: http://www.philipglass.com
• Norton: http://www.wwnorton.com

Screeching Weasel return with a new lineup and essay, Ben Weasel promises to not hit as many women this time

Screeching Weasel, who became infamous this last March when their lead singer (and lead jerk) Ben Weasel attacked a couple ladies at a show (one of whom was a security guard), have announced that they’re returning to the stage.

After “The Incident in Austin,” every member of Screeching Weasel supposedly quit — via press release! — because apparently they don’t like working with a guy who hits ladies (no matter how punk rock it may seem), and all of a sudden Screeching Weasel was just Ben Weasel and an apology.

Then, last Friday, Weasel took to the World Wide Web and posted a HUGE response to the entire incident in an attempt to set the record straight, claiming that he fired his bandmates before their press release, that longtime bassist Dan Vapid was being disingenuous and hypocritical throughout the ordeal, and basically that he himself was a punk-rock Jesus hung on a cross of popular opinion. And now he’s “taking back the reins from the classless, spineless, frightened children who dragged Screeching Weasel’s name through the mud.”

So look out ladies: Ben is on the prowl! The brand-new lineup of Screeching Weasel will have its debut show on October 29 at Reggie’s in Chicago with The Queers.

• Screeching Weasel: http://www.screechingweasel.com

David Lynch to release solo album Crazy Clown Time — wait, you’re a director ya dingus!

David Lynch, director of cult-hit The Straight Story, will release music of his own that promises to be audible and not misleading. The idea of Lynch providing vocals and playing guitar may feel too reminiscent of other directors’ attempts at music (e.g., Roman Polanski’s boy band days or John Hughes’ death metal project), but it’s comforting knowing that Lynch has always been a part of the memorable sounds heard in his works. For example, the ambience of the Iowa landscape balanced with the rumbling of Richard Farnsworth’s lawn mower couldn’t have been brought into focus so eloquently if not for the hideously keen ear of Lynch.

The album, Crazy Clown Time, appears to be a composite of Lynch’s psyche, and a creative outlet. Lynch recorded the tracks for the album at his own Asymmetrical Studio with engineer Dean Hurley, who also plays guitar and drums on various songs. The opening track “Pinky’s Dream” features artist Karen O, who is best known for lending vocals on an album for kid punk rock group Tiny Masters of Today.

Crazy Clown Time is as much a collection of music as it is a time for “clown-people” to behave crazily. With an open mind and open wallet, you can experience Lynch’s experimental musical qualities when the album releases on November 8 on Sunday Best Recordings with a Collector’s Edition CD, double LP with bonus tracks, and iTunes exclusive with a video.

Crazy Clown Time tracklist:

01. Pinky’s Dream
02. Good Day Today
03. So Glad
04. Noah’s Ark
05. Football Game
06. I Know
07. Strange and Unproductive Thinking
08. The Night Bell with Lightning
09. Stone’s Gone Up
10. Crazy Clown Time
11. These Are My Friends
12. Speed Roadster
13. Movin’ On
14. She Rise Up

• David Lynch: http://davidlynch.com
• Sunday Best: http://www.sundaybest.net