The New Motherfucking (literally) Flesh Push You Down the Razorblade Slide

Let me begin by explaining this simple equation. A new PSA from the Above the Influence campaign directly implies that you probably only like Indie Rock because you are high on marijuana.

This really has me thinking. Are most of us too high to understand the rewarding nature of being on a major label? Is Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" really the only song we should be paying attention to right now? And can I enjoy any music without knowing I should either being smoking pot or bending over backward?

As the Pernice Brothers start touring in support of their newest release, Live a Little, they may want to rethink their whole Indie Rock thing. Seriously, they're just supporting mindless stoners who could be entertained just as easily by watching Half Baked:The Musical. Somehow this does support terrorism, and by writing this I feel grotesquely filthy. I need to take shower right now. BRB!

All right I'm back. I didn't even get dressed. I am that devoted to finishing this. I wish every reader knew how much acne is visible on my nude lower half, despite my morbid obesity. Just imagine John Goodman morphing into Oprah Winfrey morphing into Rosie O'Donnell having a gigantic baby with Ron Jeremy with a resemblance of Gary Busey in the face and genitals. I am that gigantic Busey baby covered in pus.

So if you want to hear Joe Pernice's perfectly polished vocals accompanied by the beautiful arrangements of his fellow bandmates, you will have to pick up a joint and light up. No, this isn't the sort of message I wanted to be giving you, but Above the Influence believes you must be high in order to like this sort of thing.

Face it, you were high when you first picked up Overcome by Happiness back in 1998. You were beyond toasted when you saw The Pernice Brothers on The Gilmore Girls, and the reasons why you were watching that show to begin with go beyond drug usage.

You better catch them live or I'm not you're friend anymore. (Tourdates)

11.04.06 - Pittsburgh, PA - Club Cafe
11.05.06 - Dayton, OH - Canal Street Tavern
11.06.06 - Covington, KY - Madhatter
11.07.06 - Detroit, MI - Lager House*
11.08.06 - Grand Rapids, MI - The Intersection*
11.09.06 - Chicago, IL - Schuba's*
11.10.06 - Madison, WI - High Noon Saloon*
11.11.06 - Minneapolis, MN - 7th St Entry*
11.12.06 - Des Moines, IA - Vaudeville Mews*
11.16.06 - Seattle, WA - Tractor Tavern*
11.17.06 - Portland, OR - Doug Fir Lounge*
11.18.06 - Eugene, OR - Sam Bond's Garage*
11.20.06 - Sacramento, CA - Old Ironsides*
11.21.06 - San Francisco, CA - Café du Nord*
11.22.06 - Los Angeles, CA - Spaceland*
11.24.06 - San Diego, CA - The Casbah*
11.25.06 - Phoenix, AZ - Modified*
11.26.06 - Albuquerque, NM - Launchpad*
11.28.06 - Austin, TX - Cactus Café*
11.29.06 - Denton, TX - Haileys*
11.30.06 - Baton Rouge, LA - Chelsea's Café*
12.01.06 - Oxford, MS - Proud Larry's*
12.02.06 - Birmingham, AL - Bottle Tree*
12.03.06 - Atlanta, GA - The Earl*
12.05.06 - Chapel Hill, NC - Local 506*
12.06.06 - Washington, DC - Black Cat*
12.07.06 - Philadelphia, PA - Johnny Brendas*
12.08.06 - New York, NY - Mercury Lounge*
12.09.06 - Northampton, MA - Iron Horse*
12.10.06 - Boston, MA - TT the Bears*

* w/ Elvis Perkins

Bob Dylan’s Childhood Back Pages (Not) Sold for Thousands of Dollars

Now, I'm all for healthy adulation here and there, when deserved, but Ric Kangas has surely taken this one a little too far. Up for sale: a tape of him and Bob Dylan, then schoolyard buddies back in the Midwest, playing four songs of their own composition. Three feature Dylan's voice, while Kangas sings the other, backed by Dylan's astringent guitar accompaniment.

This tape was floor auctioned on October 6-7, while online bidding finished a day earlier. It was expected to fetch at least $50,000 at conservative estimates, though many experts suggested it would be nearer the $100K mark. Seems a little bit over the odds for a taped recording of a living man, even if it is Dylan. Still, what do I know? I'm still high from sliding down the tubes at the Tate Modern.

However, in a spectacular twist, the tape apparently didn't sell. According to the Heritage Auction Galleries website, the emporium responsible for this irresponsible raping of Dylan's still-forming legacy, the item "did not sell at auction because it did not receive bids equal to or greater than the reserve (minimum bid) amount set by the consignor." In other words, it didn't fetch as much as everyone expected!

I don't know what the next step is in this whole sordid affair, but I'll keep you posted.

Universal Music Group Still Taking the Odd Hit Of Payola Now and Then

Five months ago, Universal shelled out $12 million to New York charities after being slapped firmly on the ass with accusations of payola. The settlement also introduced a rule that prohibits any label execs from purchasing radio ads containing more than 60 seconds of a song, since independent tracking services could potentially count this as actual airplay, rather than as a dirty, dirty, fat-cat trick. However, if Universal really wants to try it out, all it has to do is give written notice.

And so, as if possessed by a spirit of good will and fairness, some labels distributed by Universal have recently taken up the practice of, well, purchasing radio ads containing more than 60 seconds of a song. Blackground Records used this method last week to boost JoJo's "Too Little, Too Late" to the no. 2 slot on the U.S. pop charts. In the previous week, Roadrunner Records, another label associated with Universal, bought ads that launched Nickelback's "Far Away" up to no. 1. Written notice of these purchases was provided, but it was on a bathroom wall at Universal's corporate headquarters, and was written in shit. Another sign that something was awry in the charts was the fact that no one, in any country, has ever heard either of these songs.

The "ball" is now in New York attorney general Eliot Spitzer's "court." Will Spitzer make a "slam dunk" and tighten up the settlement? Will he "call a foul" on Universal's shady practices? Will he continue efforts to "Shaq"-kle corporate criminals? Will he "chase a player around the court with a bucket of water and then toss it into the crowd, revealing that the bucket was actually filled with confetti"?

Check back in the coming weeks for any further developments on Nickelback.

Danielson Further Alienate My Christian Friends, Tour Europe

Lou Barlow is all grows up! He's grows up and he's grows up and he's grows up! (Note: if you didn't find that amusing, please re-acquaint yourself with a certain filmic masterpiece by the name of Swingers. Thanks.) But listen, really. He's got a wife & kids and a nice little place in Massachusetts, and you know who the heck comes by to talk new songs and a NEW TOUR!? Ohh, it's beautiful: Murph and J Mascis. Whether or not they also come bearing fruit baskets is unconfirmed at the time of press.

All you sniffling indie kids dreaming of injecting "Oh yeah, last week at that Dinosaur Jr. concert... " into everyday conversation? Prayers answered. It's a tease of a tour, but it's been 15 long years since Dinosaur Jr. threw a bunch of tantrums and broke up. I don't know about you, but this feels like Christmas.

Pssst. Pavement. Take a hint and live up to your "active" status on the Matador roster:

11.27.2006 - Portland, ME - The Big Easy
11.28.2006 - Portland, ME - The Big Easy
11.29.2006 - Boston, MA - Paradise Rock Club
11.30.2006 - Northampton, MA - Pearl Street
12.01.2006 - New York, NY - Rebel
12.02.2006 - New York, NY - Rebel

Danielson Further Alienate My Christian Friends, Tour Europe

In this month's Rolling Stone, The Dec.ists have a multi-page article. The Hold Steady have a big, glossy photo. Joanna Newsom's harpistry is praised.

In a time when the line between "indie rockers" and "mainstream tit suckers" is increasingly indistinct, Danielson continues to carry his quirky cross up to the treacherous Golgatha of popularity/cultural awareness. He is willing to sacrifice coherency for the salvation of art, knowing that if we strike him down, he will only become more possible than we can possibly imagine. One can only pray that even after the Stone is rolled away and all the Ships have been sunk, the robe-garbed specter of their unabashed freakiness will help us to know when to turn off the instrument panel and rock out.

Mixed Metaphors Are The New Black:

11.22.06 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - VPRO 3 voor 12 radiosession
11.23.06 - Brussels, Belgium - AB-Box w/ Woven Hand
11.24.06 - Antwerpe, Belgium - Trix w/ Long Winters
11.25.06 - Liege, Belgium - L'Escalier
11.26.06 - Lille, France - La Malterie
11.27.06 - Brighton, England - Komedia
11.28.06 - Bristol, England - Thekla
11.29.06 - Manchester, England - Klondyke Club
11.30.06 - Glasgow, Scotland - King Tuts $
12.01.06 - Hull, United Kingdom - The Adelphi Club $
12.02.06 - Nottingham, England - The Social $
12.03.06 - London, England - The Luminaire $
12.04.06 - Rouen, France - L'Emporium $
12.05.06 - Paris, France - La Maroquinerie $
12.06.06 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - Paradiso $
12.07.06 - Utrecht, Netherlands - Theater Kikker $
12.08.06 - Darmstadt, Germany - Oetinger Villa $
12.09.06 - St. Gallen, Switzerland - Palace $
12.10.06 - Dudingen, Switzerland - Bad Bonn $
12.11.06 - Lyon, France - Grrrnd Zero $
12.12.06 - Barcelona, Spain - La 2 $
12.13.06 - Bilbao, Spain - Azkena $
12.14.06 - Bordeaux, France - Son'art $
12.15.06 - Den Haag, Netherlands - State X New Forms w/ Sonic Youth

$ w/ Jeffrey Lewis

The Good (band members), The Bad (the band name), and The Queen (an unrelated fading symbol of British aristocratic power)

So Damon Albarn's at it again. He doesn't seem to realize that he's best when surrounded by the people who know him best – including Graham Coxon. Instead of reuniting with the apparently still active (in the volcanic sense) Blur, however, he's decided that even the semi-anonymity of Gorillaz is not allowing him to fully realize his creative ambitions, and he's united some creamily good musicians who are willing to indulge in his delusions of grandeur.

And it's quite a team he's got together: Tony Allen, renowned drummer from Africa 70 and Fela Kuti; Simon Tong, underrated guitarist from The Verve (and, for this newswriter's money, the best thing about them); and Paul Simonon from The Effin’ Clash. Clearly Damon has been in the pub, playing that game where you build fictional supergroups, except he actually has the panache and draw to make it happen in reality. Not that I'm jealous or anything.

Anyway, despite the obvious potential in the group, the gig that the band performed at Camden Roundhouse as part of the BBC's Electric Proms line-up, featuring their entire album in order, showed that Damon is still the undisputed frontman of this little collective. At one point, he made the band restart a song twice, demonstrating a continued desire to prove the band's relevance and ability.

Whatever one might think of Albarn, this is certainly an interesting venture, and one that might well turn out roses. It's always good to see someone unwilling to rest on laurels, whether pixelated or merely blurred.