Physical World Only A Secondary Reality, Knowledge Of It Bound To Be Imprecise; Shapes And Sizes Still Plan “The National They Shoot Horses” Tour

Socrates: Now, let us consider the shapes and sizes of our mortal bodies in relation to the shape and size of the universe.

Timaeus: Yes, that would be wise.

Socrates: Well, it seems to me that the gods copied the shape of the universe and fastened the two divine orbits of the soul into a spherical body, which we now call the head, the divinest part of us, which controls all the rest.

Critias: I agree.

Socrates: It follows, then, that they put together the body as a whole to serve the head, knowing that it would be endowed with all the varieties of motion there were to be. And to prevent the head from rolling about on the earth, unable to get over or out of its many heights and hollows, they provided that the body should act as a convenient vehicle.

Glaucon: Quite right, but what of the body that desires to view Shapes and Sizes at a distant setting?

Socrates: Well, the gods hold that the front is more honorable and commanding than the back, so they made us move, for the most part, forward. So it was necessary to distinguish the front of man's body and make it different from the back; and to do this they placed the face on this side of the sphere of the head, and fixed in it organs for the soul's forethought, and arranged that this, our natural front, take the lead as it carries us into the Beachland Ballroom, limbs and soul-stuff flailing to the sound of the beat.

Adeimantus: My dear Socrates, you took the words right out of my mouth. Yet where shall those in distant lands fi--

* The National

& They Shoot Horses Don't They

Thrasymachus: Alright, thanks.

Beastie Boys have announced their next LP release with this message on their website: “it's named THE MIX-UP and is out june 26. g'wan. all instrumental record. ‘see i knew they were gonna do that!’ that's a quote from you…you love us. don't you?”

They’re right. We do love them. We just don’t like it when they get so mad. But we know we wanted this album. Otherwise, we wouldn’t dress the way we do at Beastie Boys shows. We wouldn’t ask Beastie Boys to help us move when we clearly can easily carry all of the boxes ourselves.

You like The In Sound From Way Out!? Well maybe this album will be kind of similar to that one, according to every music website in existence (and now TMT as well). The Mix-Up will feature Mike D, Adrock, and MCA on drums, guitar, and bass, joined at times by Keyboard Money Mark and percussionist Alfredo Ortiz. The album will not contain vocal tracks, samples, or the use of turntables. The result is “radically different” from previous album To the 5 Boroughs, according to Mike D. “If you know us you can trace the influences and they're not completely surprising. Someone who listens to us casually might think 'What the hell are these guys doing?’ ”

Perhaps the decision to return to their rock roots had something to do with the upcoming Bad Brains LP release, which is the first to feature the band’s complete lineup since 1995. The album was produced by Adam Yauch (real name MCA). Explains Bad Brains bassist Darryl Jenifer: “I told Adam I was thinking about a new Brains record, then Adam said 'Word! You should let me produce that shit, son! I'll smoke those other cats that tried to produce y'all. I'll make you sound real!' I said 'Word!' ” One can only assume these are exact quotes.

Apparently trying to create an analog website, the band has relaunched BeastieBoys.com with all sorts of knobs and switches. The site now offers some interesting exclusive content, such as a section detailing the equipment used to make the new album. There is also a “Remix” section that offers 32 free MP3s of a cappella Beastie Boys hits (these are real, DRM-free free, not iTunes-Music-Store-free). Only 20 of these MP3s, however, seem to want to load into my iTunes library (more on this story as it develops).

Oh word, The Beastie Boys care about the environment, which is super important, because humanity has nearly destroyed it. They’ll be playing in the London show of Live Earth on July 7. Said Mike D in a recent interview: "It's come to the point where/ drastic measures have to be taken now/ To really create a/ mass consciousness of what needs to be done/ mass action, it's gonna take mass awareness/ And these huge concerts around the globe are probably one of the best means of doing so.”

The Beastie Boys’ tourdates:
05.26.07 - George, WA - The Gorge Amphitheater, Sasquatch Festival * $
05.27.07 - George, WA - The Gorge Amphitheater, Sasquatch Festival *
06.10.07 - Lisbon, PT - Passeio Marítimo de Algés, Alive Festival
06.11.07 - Lisbon, PT - Aula Magna $
06.14.07 - Barcelona, ES - Sonar Festival $
06.15.07 - Barcelona, ES - Sonar Festival $
06.16.07 - Athens, GR - Olympic Baseball Stadium, Ejekt Festival
06.17.07 - Istanbul, TR - Parkorman Maslak, One Love Festival
06.18.07 - Istanbul, TR - Yeni Malek $
06.20.07 - Berlin, DE – Columbiahalle $
06.22.07 - Scheesel, DE - Hurricane Festival
06.23.07 - Cologne, DE - Live Music Hall $
06.24.07 - Neuhasen, DE - Southside Festival
06.26.07 - Paris, FR - Le Zenith $
06.27.07 - Paris, FR - Le Bataclan $
06.28.07 - Werchter, BE - Festival Park Werchter, Rock Werchter Festival
06.30.07 - Gdynia, PL - Babie Doly Airfield, Heineken Open'er Festival
07.01.07 - Gdynia, PL - Babie Doly Airfield, Heineken Open'er Festival
07.03.07 - Kristiandsand, NO - Idrettsplassen (Main Stage), Quart Festival
07.06.07 - Roskilde, DK - Roskilde Festival
07.06.07 - Roskilde, DK - Roskilde Festival
07.07.07 - London, GB - Wembley Arena, Live Earth
07.09.07 - Montreux, CH - Stravinsky Hall, Montreux Jazz Festival
07.10.07 - Montreux, CH - Miles Davis Hall, Montreux Jazz Festival
07.11.07 - Locarno, CH - Moon & Stars Festival
07.13.07 - Novisad, CS - Exit Festival
07.14.07 - Vienna, AT - Nuke Festival
07.15.07 - Zamárdi, HU - Lake Balaton, Balaton Sound Festival
07.28.07 - Niigata, JP - Naeba Ski Resort, Fuji Rock Festival
08.04.07 - Baltimore, MD - Pimlico Race Course, Virgin Festival
08.31.07 - Argyll, GB - Inveraray Castle, Connect Festival
09.01.07 - Stradbally, IE - Stradbally Hall, Electric Picnic
09.02.07 - Stradbally, IE - Stradbally Hall, Electric Picnic
09.04.07 - London, GB - Brixton Academy
09.05.07 - London, GB - Brixton Academy
09.08.07 - Isle of Wight, GB - Robin Hill Countryside Adventure Park, Bestival
09.09.07 - Isle of Wight, GB - Robin Hill Countryside Adventure Park, Bestival

* with Bad Brains

$ Instrumental-only set

Prince to Perform 21 Shows in London Supporting 3121; Moms to Go Wild, Throw (Sensible) Panties Onstage

Hey moms, you look hot.

I mean that literally. You’re overheated. Tie that functional corduroy shirt around your waist, stay awhile. Wow! It’s as if you were meant to be in those cushiony clogs. Dancing in anything feminine gives you blisters.

If I may, Ms. Mom, take you down memory lane to the day you had the sincere privilege of dancing your heart out, and then consummating your love in a... little red Corvette (or Ford, for the less... fast) to the sweet sounds of the artist formerly known as, well, the artist formerly known as Prince.

Yes, it’s with a healthy commitment to sweeping generalizations that I categorize perhaps the most relevant modern pop artist-turned-symbol-turned artist (again) as comfort food to be snacked on by the masses of practical shoe-wearing, lunch-packing, dancing at "functions" with their thumbs up, formerly cool, and now station wagon-chauffeuring moms. It is with zero empirical evidence and purely personal anecdote that this holds true, given that:

(1) My mom doesn’t really like anything and –

(2) (a) My mom loves Prince and frequently cites him as “larger than life” (a tagline with vague origins);

(b) Prince will be touring London, and it puts pep in the step of my mom’s practical shoes.

Seriously, Prince is a most appropriate musical outlet for moms trapped in their role as, well, moms. He’s rebellious enough, and any respectable lady can still blast “Purple Rain” guilt-free in her Volvo wagon without prompting gossip. Most importantly, though, both Mom and Prince find some definition in what they were... formerly known as. Connection formed.

Absurd generalizing aside, Prince recently announced a plan to play 21 shows throughout London in support of his most recent release, 3121 (Universal), aptly priced at £31.21 ($62). And according to the ex-symbol, these performances on The Earth Tour, beginning August 1, are the only 2007 European tour dates, since he will be spending considerable time studying the Bible like any good Jehovah.

What are you waiting for, moms, Prince fans, moms that are Prince fans? Tickets go on sale May 11, and your purchase guarantees a free copy of 3121.

Things haven’t been that accessible since your hemline was shorter, and, well, need I bring up that time in the red Corvette?

Prince to Perform 21 Shows in London Supporting 3121; Moms to Go Wild, Throw (Sensible) Panties Onstage

Hey moms, you look hot.

I mean that literally. You’re overheated. Tie that functional corduroy shirt around your waist, stay awhile. Wow! It’s as if you were meant to be in those cushiony clogs. Dancing in anything feminine gives you blisters.

If I may, Ms. Mom, take you down memory lane to the day you had the sincere privilege of dancing your heart out, and then consummating your love in a... little red Corvette (or Ford, for the less... fast) to the sweet sounds of the artist formerly known as, well, the artist formerly known as Prince.

Yes, it’s with a healthy commitment to sweeping generalizations that I categorize perhaps the most relevant modern pop artist-turned-symbol-turned artist (again) as comfort food to be snacked on by the masses of practical shoe-wearing, lunch-packing, dancing at "functions" with their thumbs up, formerly cool, and now station wagon-chauffeuring moms. It is with zero empirical evidence and purely personal anecdote that this holds true, given that:

(1) My mom doesn’t really like anything and –

(2) (a) My mom loves Prince and frequently cites him as “larger than life” (a tagline with vague origins);

(b) Prince will be touring London, and it puts pep in the step of my mom’s practical shoes.

Seriously, Prince is a most appropriate musical outlet for moms trapped in their role as, well, moms. He’s rebellious enough, and any respectable lady can still blast “Purple Rain” guilt-free in her Volvo wagon without prompting gossip. Most importantly, though, both Mom and Prince find some definition in what they were... formerly known as. Connection formed.

Absurd generalizing aside, Prince recently announced a plan to play 21 shows throughout London in support of his most recent release, 3121 (Universal), aptly priced at £31.21 ($62). And according to the ex-symbol, these performances on The Earth Tour, beginning August 1, are the only 2007 European tour dates, since he will be spending considerable time studying the Bible like any good Jehovah.

What are you waiting for, moms, Prince fans, moms that are Prince fans? Tickets go on sale May 11, and your purchase guarantees a free copy of 3121.

Things haven’t been that accessible since your hemline was shorter, and, well, need I bring up that time in the red Corvette?

MySpace Aims to “Take Down” YouTube, Orders It to “Stay Down” in Schwarzenegger Voice (With a Little Pauly Shore)

Don’t be that kid still listening to Panda Bear this summer!

Yup, there’s a new bandwagon rollin’ into town! The most popular unknown band in the indie-pop/ freak-folk/ dub-tronica/ buzz-wordical/ avant-twee scene is bustin’ loose and heading to an all-ages Rec Center/ Chain-shirking Party House/ Dive Club owned by one of the Stokes/Outdoor Stadium near you!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing “Take Down, Stay Down,” the furious 15-piece that nobody knows about and everyone’s talking about, based out of Brooklyn/L.A./Omaha/London/Hotlanta. These guys/girls are not just “so cool that they’re hot.” They’re also so indie that they’re dance, so druggy that they’re inspirational, and so hideous that they’re pin-up cute.

But don’t take my word for it! Let’s see what some of the most bitchin’ blogs are saying about “Take Down, Stay Down” . . .

Uh... let’s see...

Uh...

Hmmmm... well... this is embarrassing...

Uh, sorry everybody. It seems that I misread my assignment a little bit here. Counter-intuitive as it may seem, “Take Down, Stay Down” isn’t the newest indie-rock buzz band. Apparently, it’s a new video initiative being spearheaded by renowned time-waster/internet friend-finder MySpace in an attempt to edge-out YouTube in the world of internet video dominance (read: world domination). The goal is to prevent users from reposting videos that have previously been removed for reasons of copyright protection. According to Billboard, “Take Down, Stay Down” is a feature that creates a “digital fingerprint” on any video that has been taken down at copyright holders' request. It then “places that fingerprint into a filter that will block any other user from uploading that same video in the future.”

And the point of all of this high-tech James Bondocity, you ask? Simple. Until now, content owners who have posted on services such as YouTube and MySpace have long-ignored the intrinsic idea that they shouldn’t post valued details of their lives and work on the internet and, invariably, have long-lamented the grim reality that less considerate members of these websites simply repost videos that said copyright owners have previously demanded be taken down.

Now, with its new initiative, MySpace is striking a blow for the good ol’ U.S. Constitution, putting a stop to the kind of wanton video piracy that we all know and love and exposing a key vulnerability of video-sharing sites like YouTube, which has recently drawn a $1 billion lawsuit from media giant Viacom. At the moment, videos taken-down for copyright reasons on YouTube tend to reappear on the site moments after being pulled, which renders DMCA-provisioned copyright defenses as useless as, well... most of the videos on the internet themselves, for one thing.

But don’t consider YouTube’s digital ass kicked just yet. See, the fingerprinting and filtering technology used for MySpace’s new “Take Down, Stay Down” service is provided by the company Audible Magic, the company who is also signed on to power a web-video solution for, you guessed it: YouTube.

(I’ll let you all take a minute to think about how stupid that seems. Good? Ready? Okay...)

According to digitalmusicnews.com, YouTube has yet to unveil its new filtering service, but we bet that once it does, the internet won’t be nearly as fun to visit anymore.

So I guess, in retrospect, I will see you at the “Take Down, Stay Down” show after all. Because pretty soon, it’s going to be the only show in town. Better pick out a good book now, kids.

Portishead to Curate ATP and Play Out; Too Late for Last Surviving Trip-Hopper Who Died Yesterday at Age of 118

Okay, Portishead. Two amazing albums, sold well over 40 copies each. A band that had the bollocks to release a live album that features the audience literally CLAPPING ALONG WITH THE SONGS. Worldwide adoration, despite their physical ungainliness. And then -- not a fucking peep for 10 years. Maybe they had better things to do with their limitless supplies of time and money than fucking work?

Recently, though, things have been stirring in the beguilingly maudlin little corner of the planet that Portishead inhabit. A couple of shitty “doodles,” as Geoff Barrow called them, were released on the band’s MySpace bolthole, prompting mass hysteria that these were the seeds of the hallowed new album. They also played a couple of short sets in Bristol, and that was just about it. Until now.

Finally, Portishead have confirmed their first full live date in 10 years. They’ve agreed to curate the next All Tomorrow’s Parties shebang at the Butlin’s Holiday Camp in Minehead. Which is in England. The whole thing bears the mind-bendingly original moniker of The Nightmare Before Christmas, and will be taking place December 7-9. As the band themselves state:

"We have always loved the All Tomorrow's Parties set up and we're happy our first shows will be there. It's great to have the opportunity to introduce bands we love or have influenced us. We've chosen a diverse collection of artists to play with us and we're really looking forward to it".

Inspiring words, indeed. And I bet you can barely wait to hear exactly who this “diverse collection of artists” is, eh? Well, here we go. The line up for the show, as advertised on the ATP site, is currently as follows:

Portishead

Well, even if they can’t be bothered to actually get any more acts on the bill, I’m sure a champion time will be had by all, just so long as everyone remembers to clap along to the big hits.