Pitchfork Festival Lineup Finalized, Exclusive Interview with Ryan Schreiber

I could hardly believe it when I entered the coffee shop -- 3:00 P.M., right on time. Back in the corner with a blue hat (as promised) was the one, the only Ryan Schreiber, editor-in-chief of online magazine Pitchfork, reading Vice Magazine and sipping on a tall, dark roast, possibly fair-trade coffee. I took a moment to catch my breath and then staggered clumsily between coffee tables filled with attractive, hip-looking people. I felt so out of place there -- me being perhaps the least attractive of everyone (when did people learn how to dress so cool anyway?) -- but the moment I sat down and introduced myself to Schreiber -- "Hi, I'm Mango Starr, writer/reporter for Tiny Mix Tapes" -- I immediately felt at ease. Kind, gentle, and a little odd, Schreiber was amazing. Here's the interview:

Thanks for agreeing to do this interview, man. I know you're insanely busy.

No problem, Mango. And really, I'm not that busy.



So... um...

So, how's the weather?

Weren't you just outside?

Oh yeah, sweet weather, yeah?

Really sweet. I love it.


Oh, Mr P says "hi" and that he "misses you."

Oh yeah? Cool, how's he doing? I kinda remember meeting him a long time ago.

He seems to remember it vividly. He brings it up all the time, like he's fucking obsessed!

Hmmm, I've only talked to him a few times. He seemed nice.

Weird. He says he talked to you like every night.

He's not white, is he?

Hah, fuck no.

Ahhhhhhh, okay, I remember now. He's a... well, you know.

Hahaha, yeah... He's a nice enough guy though, despite you know...

Haha! INDEED! So, what is it that you wanted to talk about? My hair? Hahahaha!



No, no. I wanted to talk about ATP... so, um... Ryan... hey, what are you doing?

[At this point, Ryan is starting to climb up onto the table.]

Sorry Mango, hold on a sec. [Yelling to the coffee shop, pumping his fists above his head] HEY EVERYBODY!! I'm Ryan Schreiber!! How's the weather, motherfuckers!?!? [Wild applause and cheers from the coffee shop] Hey did y'all motherfuckers know about the Pitchfork Music Fest?? [Laughter, because of course they do!] Well, we've just made the final confirmations for the lineup! [More cheers] I'll be posting flyers all around town. But, of course, you can always check out a little site that I call... hmmm, I forgot its name... so, I'm going to need your help, motherfuckers!!! What's the site called everybody!?!? [Schreiber puts right hand to ear; crowd yells at once: "PITCHFORK MEDIA DOT COM!!!!!!!!] HAHAHA! FUCK YES! See you guys there!!! [Thunderous applause as Schreiber plops back into his chair]

Wow, that was amazing, Ryan. You really know how to -- Ryan?

[Schreiber, wide-eyed and giggling hysterically, starts furiously carving the words "Interpol" into the table with a pocket knife]

Hey, um, should you be doing that?

Look, ask your questions, dude. I don't got all day. Gotta fest and shit to do, y'know.

Oh, ok. Alright then. Um, so I wanted to ask you about ATP. So, um --

Wait, stop right there. Actions speak louder than words, am I right? [Winks] Here's what I think about ATP...

[Schreiber signals to me to look under the table, grinning mischievously. Fearing the worst, I slowly peeked my head under the table. And there it was... oh my god. It was absolutely breathtaking... and it was hard: yes, folks, it was a signed copy of Thesaurus Musicarium: The Pitchfork Year in Music 2003.]

Needless to say, I had to have it, right then and there. Schreiber sure liked that. Boy did he like that. At least... I think he did. Shit, I hope he did! My jaw still hurts!

Festival lineup:

Day 1 (Friday, July 13 -- in conjunction with ATP):

Sonic Youth perform Daydream Nation

GZA/Genius performs Liquid Swords

Slint perform Spiderland

Day 2 (Saturday, July 14):

Yoko Ono / Cat Power and Dirty Delta Blues (with members of Dirty Three, the Delta 72, and Blues Explosion) / Clipse / Mastodon / Iron and Wine / Battles / Grizzly Bear / Voxtrot / Califone / The Twilight Sad / Girl Talk / Dan Deacon / Oxford Collapse / Professor Murder / Fujiya & Miyagi / Beach House / William Parker Quartet / Ken Vandermark's Powerhouse Sound

Day 3 (Sunday, July 15):

De La Soul / The New Pornographers / Of Montreal / Stephen Malkmus / Jamie Lidell / The Sea and Cake / Junior Boys / Menomena / The Ponys / Deerhunter / Klaxons / The Field / Cadence Weapon / The Cool Kids / Craig Taborn's Junk Magic / Nomo / Brightblack Morning Light / Fred Lonberg-Holm's Lightbox Orchestra