Probably Shouldn’t Have CCed the Intern, Dude: Leaked EMI Memo Indicates Fiscal Retooling of the Record Industry May Be A Good Idea (Duh)

As we've reported before, EMI has a new top executive. However, what we never really stressed before is that his name is Guy Hands, and that is extremely funny.

Anyway, in a memo that recently leaked, Hands (whom I picture as the lovable Hamburger Helper mascot) noted that "rather than embracing digitalisation and the opportunities it brings for promotion of product and distribution through multiple channels, the industry has stuck its head in the sand."

He went on to suggest that labels abandon their bloated, advance-based economic model, provide smaller amounts of funding for their artists to record and tour, and recoup a piece of all the gains or losses the artists then experience.

No proprietors of smaller labels could be reached for comment, because they’ve all been very busy either already subscribing to this business model or have been practicing it for years.

According to the memo, this all has something to do with Radiohead’s forthcoming digital release of In Rainbows (1) (2) (3), marking yet another time in which Thom Yorke slapping his name on something has caused the masses to hail it as the new guard. I expect the Spin article on my desk by next weekend.

Guy Hands!

Nine Inch Nails Are Now Indie!

Trent Reznor's Greatest Hits (in chronological order):

Pre-NIN: "Reznor always reminded me of Harry Connick, Jr," said former piano teacher Rita Beglin.

Pre-NIN: Reznor was "very upbeat and friendly," said former Mercer High School band director, Dr. Hendley Hoge.
1993: Nine Inch Nails win a Grammy for "Best Metal Performance."
1994: The Downward Spiral goes double platinum.
2005: With Teeth
2007: "Steal it. Steal away. Give it to your friends." (TMT News)
2007:

08 October 2007: Big News

Hello everyone. I've waited a LONG time to be able to make the following announcement: as of right now Nine Inch Nails is a totally free agent, free of any recording contract with any label. I have been under recording contracts for 18 years and have watched the business radically mutate from one thing to something inherently very different and it gives me great pleasure to be able to finally have a direct relationship with the audience as I see fit and appropriate. Look for some announcements in the near future regarding 2008. Exciting times, indeed.

posted by Trent Reznor at 10:45 AM. 312 Comments


2008: NIN sign to Universal, Sony BMG, Warner, and EMI, sign up for Facebook.
2014: Reznor tells fans to steal his furniture. They do as they're told.

Figurines Are Not Action Figures Or Dolls; They Are A Band On Tour

Denmark's own Figurines have made progress since 2006's Skeleton (TCG). While that album found the band sounding like a sped-up Danish Modest Mouse, last month saw the release of the group's new album, When The Deer Wore Blue (TCG), which is decidedly more mature and experimental in a Brian Wilson kind of way. In fact, the LP sounds a lot like Pet Sounds and Smile fooling around with each other whilst on vacation in Denmark. If you can't imagine what that sounds like, you could buy (I know, what an antiquated idea) the new record and find out yourself, or you could just check out their tour with the recently grounded Dappled Cities, starting this week.

Tourdates:

* Dappled Cities

Major Stars Release New LP on Drag City, Tour. Full Disclosure: I Am Somewhat Sure There Exists a Photograph of One of Them Shoving All Ten of His Fingers Into My Mouth At Once

Major Stars, the band CMJ recently described as “notorious” for some reason, have announced they are releasing their latest album on Drag City. The decision makes them labelmates with such zeitgeist-tapping luminaries as the Nig Heist.

Last night on MythBusters, they figured out that it’s way more efficient to turn your lights off when you leave the room than to leave them on.

Major Stars also has a short tour planned for next month and will be sure to turn the lights off before they leave.

MythBusters engineered their biggest explosion to date in the name of “Busting” ™ -- the myth that the shockwave from an explosion will break a dummy’s 500-foot fall. Something went wrong with the dummy, but they were still pretty sure it wouldn’t work.

Major Stars have never made a mistake like that.

The episode of MythBusters I watched was almost certainly a rerun. Major Stars have never done anything twice.

I couldn’t think of anything to write for this piece, and now it’s edging closer and closer to Chuck-Norris-Joke territory. Just go see Major Stars and buy their new record. Their shows are drunken catastrophes of the highest order and maybe if you leave the house and expand your mind, you’ll learn something for once, etc, etc.

Tourdates:

Love of Diagrams to Tour; Love Triangle Between Dawson, Joey, and Pacey Remembered Fondly

Let’s get figurative, Reader, Baby, Sweetheart!

Melbourne-based trio Luke Horton, (guitar, vocals) Monika Fikerle (percussion), and Antonia Sellbach (bass, vocals) form the gitchy-gitchy-ya-ya music triangle that is Love of Diagrams, a more recent acquisition of indie-huff-huff-majahhh-supahhhh-important label Matador.

ALEX TREBEK MOMENT; SAYIN’: The name actually pays testament to Antonia’s abstract art work, some influenced by Russian constructionist designs. Antonia designs posters for the trio, and “Love of Diagrams” was actually in one of her works.

THE DEAL: Love of Diagrams is traveling across America touring with Enon.

Joey and Dawson are not.

Compliment my angles, baby-baby:

# Enon

Mountain Goats Add Tourdates with Bowerbirds (No, I Did Not Read This In Peter Hughes’ Livejournal)

John Darnielle seems to be responsible for holding down Fort Blog at mountain-goats.com, but those of you who are awesome (?) enough to have a LiveJournal account leftover from middle school were totally wise to the influx of new tourdates on The Mountain Goats’ schedule. Hell, we can even tell you what PPH wore/drank/thought during the last Philly show. But we won’t. Scorned for too long on the basis of refusing to delete our LiveJournal accounts, we’re a testy bunch.

But hey! I’m laying these tourdates on you, ain’t I? I’ll also tell you that their new album drops in the new year, featuring sirens from the Bright Mountain Choir for the first time since 1996, which JD describes as “completely rad.”

Fresh jive. Tubular. Tourdates!: